MariahC Posted April 8, 2008 Report Share Posted April 8, 2008 I guess that some of you can probably identify with the feeling of not being in control of things. [My story is here http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?showtopic=3007]It's now been 5 weeks since I lost my dad and things don't seem to be getting better. The following describes how I'm feeling. I wonder if any of you are experiencing any of the following behavior, feelings and emotions too? I'm usually such an organised person, but losing him has turned me into a complete basket case. I can't concentrate or focus and have become forgetful. Definitely don't feel myself. On the outside I might look ok, but on the inside I feel like a shell. Feeling exhausted all the time - even on days when I haven't been to work. My heart is filled with sadness and I feel that there is nothing positive in my life anymore. The rug has been pulled out from under me. Feel completely wide-eyed, stunned and bewildered. Feeling as though I'm merely surviving on autopilot not actually living anymore. I have to force myself do get up and do things. I can't do the things I used to enjoy. When trying to do so I lose focus and interest in a matter of minutes. Feeling angry (& punching things) - angry at myself - for not being able to do anything to stop what happened. For not forseeing what was going to happen. Dad was doing so well this time last year... Feeling helpless and anxious that I couldn't do anything to prevent what happened. Also, if this can happen what's to stop me losing another person that I love. Worried about my brother and frustated with myself for not being stronger for him. Keep looking back to times of the past before all this - to when I really had no (real) worries - though I thought I did at the time. Want to get out of the darkness I find myself in but can't. I keep reliving what happened and it's heartbreaking. The last 6 weeks and particularly the last week. Feeling really worried, that unlike everything else life has thrown my way I won't ever recover from this. People are making demands of me (time and attention etc.) but I don't feel that I can handle it all. Feeling under pressure to do everything. If I don't do it, then it doesn't get done. I guess my brother depends on me a lot. Although, we've tried to share out what needs to be done between us (regarding mother and dad's affairs), I often have to prompt him to chase up on this or that. I wish it wasn't down to me to remember - what needs doing and when - all the time. Feeling isolated and alone - both at work and at home. I have some close friends but how can they really help, as they haven't experienced a close bereavement themselves.Thank heavens for this website. - Can any one else identify with the above? - Will things always be like this?- Perhaps you used to feel some of the above emotions but have now overcome them during your healing? - How has bereavement affected you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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