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A Most Unusual Passing...sort Of

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At exactly 8:25pm on Sunday April 6th my mom passed away due to complications from congestive heart failure; mom went into kidney failure and there was nothing else that could be done for her, except keep her as comfortable as possible until the rest of my siblings could see her and a few other family members.

But, we were never told that the hospital was doing this, the nurses kept saying that mom was stabilizing when in reality the medications were what was keeping her alive.

The last time, the very last time I talked to her was on the 4th, she looked at me, smiled big and said "Hi, baby" (I am the youngest) I told her I loved her she told me she loved me...a little while later I went into her room and she came out of the light coma she was in again to tell me she was scared, and didn't want to die; I told her I knew she was scared, but I wouldn't leave and no one else would either, that we would be right there with her...I looked into her eyes and told her what no one else would tell her, that this was "it"...sometime on the 5th mom went into a heavier coma....mom was moved to hospice at 4pm on the 6th..we were all with her when she passed, first she stopped breathing, the nurse said there was still a slight heart beat...I spoke up, tears flowing like water and in a non shaking voice said "it's ok mom, let go we will be ok"....now, my dad doesn't want to talk about my mom, he had us girls take her clothes and anything that we wanted that would remind him of her, we were told that we could keep what we wanted and give the rest to a thrift store....I lost all control after the funeral and was told to keep quiet, my oldest sister basically kicked me out of my parents house; I have sparingly talked to my dad since then and he has told me to "snap out of it" I am 47 years old and still being treated like a 5 year old...I'm not handling this well at all; I was closest to mom, even though we had big and small disagreements we knew that we could always turn to each other.....now, that is gone.....the lovely lady on the right is my mom when she was 15, she's standing with her oldest sister


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Brenda, I am so sorry for your loss. I can tell how much you cared about your mother by the way you describe her. I'm sorry your father and siblings are not as supportive as you need during this time. They may be handling their grief on their own terms. My brother is very similar. I'm a hugger and crier, he is stoic. But he still grives inside. I would not hold it against them, maybe they can support you in other ways. I suggest finding another source of support - spouse, friend, clergy and even this website. You family may never meet your needs nor will you meet theirs, but you can find comfort in many other areas.


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Brenda so very sorry for the loss of your Mom. I'm glad you were able to be there for her right to the end.

Matthew gave you some great ideas there. I found what he said to be true as well. We all grieve differently and sometimes we may need to seek help with our grief from people other than our family members. I'm sure many people's families aren't necessarily confortable with how they are expressing their grief. So seeking support elsewhere is always a great alternative.

And yes here IS a great place to express our feelings.

So do feel free to come on back and let us know how you are faring or to share your feelings.

I also found that by simply reading many of the posts on here I have learned quite a bit. So poke around a bit and read any posts that appeal to you.


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brenda sending you loads of hugs! sounds like you have been the rock of the family and were there for your mum til the end. you let her go peacefully! i am soooo very sorry for your loss. we are all children until our parents pass.

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To Everyone, Thank you.....I am trying to keep as busy as possible....I do have other sources of support, it's just I was hoping for immediate family to be more supportive, oh well.....I just took a night job since sleeping at night is next to impossible; a few people at work know about my situation; I was asked if I needed more time before starting and I vehemently declined, to the surprise of H.R........overnight stocking for Target, I take great joy in "breaking down" boxes! ;)

good physical labor always has been good for me......One question, and I know it all probably depends on the person, but, how long before 8:25pm and Sunday nights stop bothering me?.......I want to withdraw so bad...I've wrote 2 pieces about Mom's death, I really should write one about her life, but that will come later, I hope

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My heart goes out to you, Brenda.

I have to ask you if you really think your immediate family is being unsupportive or are they scared?

My brothers are the last two that I really talk to about my mom and how I handle it because they can't handle the thought of losing me. They also have their own pain to deal with and can't deal with mine as well. It does mean I have to wear my happy hat and pretend that we never had parents when I'm with them, but that's ok. I know they hurt as well as me and we all deal in our own ways.

The most important thing for you right now is to take care of yourself. Find yourself support. Don't worry about them, worry about you.

If you have stuff of your mom's that you don't want and your sisters don't, maybe keep it for your dad if you haven't gotten rid of it. After my mom died, within about two weeks her room was completely cleaned out. Not because I wanted her gone, but it just hurt too much to look at. There are still some things that I can't do that I did with her and not sure I'll be able to ever again.

Take care,


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