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Another Milestone Without Bill

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This weekend is another of those "firsts" that come with the first year of grief, and it's hitting me very hard. Continuous grief attacks since Friday.

It might seem silly to some of you, but the cause is...the NFL Draft. My Bill loved football, the Steelers in particular, and draft weekend was a huge deal to him. Weeks before, he'd study and compare the skills of all the college players and try to choose the guys who he wanted to see join the black & gold. He'd discuss all this with me, and we'd watch the draft on TV for hours until the Steelers had made all their picks.

This year, I've been sitting here watching the draft alone. And it hurts like hell, and my face and eyes are puffy and red from constant crying. I don't know, maybe I should have gone out to a movie or dones something else to take my mind off the empty space beside me on the sofa. But I told myself I had to face this event (and in any case, I wanted to know who the Steelers drafated) -- so maybe next year, it won't hurt so much.

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Doesn't sound silly at all Kathy. I've got a lot of firsts coming up myself that are expected and some I'm discovering every day. Regardless if its watching the Steeelers draft or putting up the gazebo in the backyard after the snow goes, if its something we did with our loved ones, it hurts like hell doing it alone.

It took a lot of courage to watch the draft picks knowing the pain it would cause. I tip my hat to you.

Take care


Edited by Scotty
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It's not at all silly...I STILL have a hard time baking cookies, my George loved them so much and it just brings back memories...fortunately John doesn't have a sweet tooth. There are those things that continue to haunt us or serve as a painful reminder of what we've had and lost.

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Hi Everyone,

Kathy this does not seem silly to me. I am sure I will and am going through alot of first without Lawrence here with me. I am having difficult times when I am alone in this house, and I understand that feeling of hurting like hell.

Today I am just trying to get through this day its only 5 weeks and this is the most painful thing in my life I have had to go through, I am sure I will get through this as many people before me has, that doesn't take away the pain, however it does give me comfort, I miss Lawrence and he will always be with me in my heart.

Thanks for listening


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KathyG, not silly at all. I turn the channel when the sport news comes on. He was watching the Indians/Yankees playoffs in the hospital before surgery. The Cleveland Indians win seemed like a good sign. Post of Cleveland was losing to Boston and his course had changed. Bt the time the World Series was on he was no longer watching.

Sports news here is all about the Cleveland Indians. I have to turn it off as the memories are too strong and I was not a fan.


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