Fathers Day Lonley

[joelsgirlkathy]

Hi,All

Today has been an emotional day for me.I went to church and they has a Fathers day special I cried good thing I was alone.Then I went home and had a cry day.I miss my husband and all we did together.I thought I was doing some what good then I have a bad day.I miss his kids they have basicly disapeared

We were so close and now nothing.I feel like I lost my children too.

I am sitting her drinking a glass of wine and I hear my honey saying just be happy have a glass of wine dear.Broken hearted and alone.It is a bad feeling that no one loves me anymore.

Kathy

[JoeA]

Dear Kathy -

Oh dear, "be happy" is a very tall order. From my point of view impossible. But please be assured that you are loved. The light of my life was also named Kathy, and it's been 3 months since that light was extinguished. I am so sorry that you don’t have the support you deserve from the children, but maybe they are disabled by their own grief. I’m drinking a glass of wine also. Let’s toast to the loves of our lives, who will live forever in our hearts. Stay with us - there will be better days ahead.

- Joe

[joelsgirlkathy]

Thanks Joe,I lost the love of my life on april 19th from cancer,Will there ever be happiness for me again.Cheers to our love ones

Kathy

[kayc]

I wish I would have read this yesterday, I'd have had a glass of wine with you! Yesterday, being Father's Day, was the third anniversary of George's death...of course, if I go by the numeric date, it's not until the 19th. I feel double whammied being as I have both the 19th and Father's Day to serve as reminders of his death...my son says to just pick one date to remember it by, not the both, but of course it doesn't work like that, it chooses to remind you whether you care to or not.

I guess it depends on your definition of "happy" as to whether or not it can be achieved, myself, I think I've altered the word so rather than the ecstatic joy I used to have when George was alive, I now just look for a kind of peaceful contentment within to serve as my happiness...something not someone else can bring, something I choose to live.

Anyway, here's a toast to you both!

KayC

[kimb]

yesterday was hard for me too. Fathers day and two months exactly since my honey died. I miss him so much. I just wanted to let you know you can take comfort in knowing that we here care for you. I know its hard! i feel very sad and have alot of tension since then. maybe a glass of wine is what i need. my heart goes out to you. Its also hard to go to church because of fathers day. I know he loved being there, and now hes not there anymore. I take comfort in knowing hes with jesus. God bless

[joelsgirlkathy]

Thanks looks like you lost your honey around the same time i did april19th

Kathy

[Jan Thurman]

I am new at this so not sure if I messed up my reply. I know exacly how you feel. I lost my husband of 38 years on March 9. He was visiting where he used to work and collapsed and died. I never got to speak to him again. I am going to a support group that is really helping me. But it is such a roller coaster. I feel that I am never going to get over this even though people say it gets better. I will keep this short as I don't even know if this will get to you. Whereabouts in California do you live. We lived first in Redwood City then Santa Rosa then moved back to where he was born in Oregon. Take care and reply if you would like.

Jan Thurman

[kayc]

Jan,

I am sorry you lost your husband too. You have come across a wonderful site with really caring people that have gone through what you are going through. Whereabouts in Oregon do you live? I'm in Oakridge, SE of Eugene.

It probably seems like an eternity since you lost your husband and life as you knew it changed, but three months is a short time in the scheme of things...it really will seem better with time, it takes a while to adjust to all of the many changes in your life...and yes, the heartache subsides somewhat. It has been three years for me and I can honestly say the love and missing him remain but the pain has mostly subsided and now when I think of him, it brings me comfort and strength and sometimes a smile as I remember our special memories.

We wish you the best in your grief journey, if you ever want to talk with anyone, we're here and there's usually someone on line that will respond to your posts.

You're added to our thoughts and prayers,

KayC

[Jan Thurman]

I still don't know if I'm doing this right. Thank you for answering. I live in Elmira, OR on the way to Florance. My husband was born and raised there. Jan Thurman

[kayc]

Jan,

You're doing this right...Elmira isn't that far from here, I work in Springfield! I used to have a great-aunt in Elmira I believe.

You will be amazed by the people on this site, it is the best, we are like a family!

KayC

[Jan Thurman]

So good, I finally got the hang of replying. I have been reading some of the postings on here and finally know that I am not going crazy. I do go to a support group once a week which really helps but I felt that I needed something more. The thing that is bothering me the most is that it was unexpected. Usual morning rituals, fixed me my coffee to take to work with me, kissed him goodbye, he said be careful, I said you too. That was the last words we spoke. Then the call that I can't seem to get out of my ears "your husband has collapsed". The only good thing is that he went to visit a trucking plant that he used to work at or he would've been at home and I would've found him. I would've like to thank him for all the years we were married (38) and for all the good times we shared. But I couldn't and it hurts so bad. I'm sitting at work now writing this crying. But the crying helps. I don't hide it I do it whenever I feel it coming on because it makes me feel better. Thank you for your kind words.

Jan

[kayc]

Jan,

I'm so glad you have a job to go to, it seems to help...it would be really hard to stay at home all the time and just feel the emptiness. What kind of a job do you do? (I am Office Mgr. at Metro Planning) At the time I lost my husband I was Office Mgr. at Creative Composites in Oakridge, and they were wonderful to me...I would have retired there if I could have but they went out of business so I had another loss to cope with within the same year. Some of the employees came to his funeral and my boss said to take as much time off as I needed and not worry about the money (I took two weeks off)...another guy at work had lost his two year old daughter so knew something about grief and he prepped the other employees on what to expect and how to handle it when I came back to work, they were so wonderful...my boss' wife put up flyers about the memorial service and brought food. I will never forget those wonderful supportive people.

I know what you mean about wishing you could have said some things to him...I wanted to tell George it was okay, I'd be all right, I wanted to reassure him, but I never got to. I was away at my sisters' reunion and he had a heart attack...when I got to the hospital there were people there, we didn't get to be alone, they moved him to ICU and when they let me back in, he was asleep...then he woke up having a heart attack and I ran for help...they made me leave and I went into a little room to pray...then they came to tell me he was gone. I never got to say goodbye or how he made my life the happiest I'd ever known...I never got to tell him how much he meant to me...but you know what? He knew. He knew we were everything to each other. And I believe somehow he knows my heart even now...I like to think he's looking after me...hey what does it hurt if it makes me feel better?

He was 51 and I was 52 when he passed away three years ago...I always thought we'd have another 20 years or so. It seems unfair doesn't it? But life is like that...it's just up to us to make the best of it.

Take care,

KayC

[Jan Thurman]

Hello, I work at Western Properties Commercial Real Estate in Eugene. It is right on the river. Lovely view. I have been here going on 11 years. Yes, I am glad I have a job. It is hard enough on weekends even though I keep busy working in our yard. We have 1.5 acres. But I enjoy it. We used to work together in it so that is hard. Sometimes I think he is another part of the yard but then remember otherwise. I live in the front house on 1.5 acres which used to be my husbands parents house. Thank goodness we got most of the remodeling done before this happened. My daughter lives down the lane on 1 acre next to me and my 90 year old mother lives in a cottage next to my daughter. So I am lucky that they are close if I just want to go down and talk or play with my grandson. We used to go up to Oakridge fishing I think sometimes. Well I had better get back to work. Thank you for answering. Jan

[kayc]

Jan,

Are you a Real Estate Agent?

The company I work for deals with Land Use Planning, Hazard Mitigation, etc. We have an office in Spfd. and one in Texas.

I have 1.29 acres of timbered property abutting a small river/creek. George used to love to go fishing...I'm allergic but sometimes I'd fish, although I can't touch them (I have to wear gloves to clean them). Fishing was one of his passions.

It's neat that you have family close by, that really helps. I'm 55...you're the same age as my best friend, Virgie!