New Partners

[jamielcua]

Hello,

I have been significantly involved with a gal that is a widower. (died from Cancer) I met her June of this year 2008. Her late husband passed away in late May 2006.

Our relationship is "god based" has grown at a very fast pace and into a quality relationship that we have a new life as well. We are still dating but I felt until recently we both felt we were ready to get married.

There have been a couple minor issues dealing with minor "glimses" of emotional times when dates, places and or memory have come up. Recently the storm of emotions are amounting to a disaster level. I understand the "around the holiday" deal and reognize the classic signs of grief.

What I am wondering is what source of information is out there for the new significant others to deal with and cope along this time. Like what should we be doing, how should we say we understand, what kind of support is needed to help them through these storms.

I hope this makes sense... I am currently reading "traveling through Grief" authors Susan Zonnebelth-Smeege and Robert C DeVries..it is helpful but lacking information on what can I be doing.

[fred]

Hello brother, You have touched upon a difficult subject. I would recommend posting again or moving your post to the ¨loss of spouse¨ or ¨new beginnings¨ sections for more response. Two years grieving is probably barely enough time for some of us to begin ¨moving on¨. In my opinion, the best you can do is to be there for her, listen carefully but don`t try to push her along, hold her and let her know you love her. Both of you should read through the posts in the ¨loss of spouse¨ section, perhaps together. Have faith and don`t rush into anything. Grief is a lifetime process.

[leeann]

Jamie can I point you to another thread here in which our Moderator MartyT was discussing some articles that help others understand more of what they are going through?

See Marty T's response on this thread for a list of articles you might find helpful:

http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?showtopic=3423

Hope this helps. And can I say you are something special to be so willing to learn how you can help her.

All the best.

leeann

[MartyT]

Dear Jamie,

In addition to what's been said already, I'd like to point you (and interested others) to some other resources that you may find helpful.

First, I highly recommend the works and writings of Julie Donner Andersen, which are filled with experience, wisdom and humor. Although she writes from a woman's perspective, her insights about being with, dating, and / or marrying a person whose partner has died are relevant to both genders. This is Amazon's description of Julie: As a "WOW" ("Wife Of a Widower") herself and professional freelance writer, Julie Donner Andersen has written the first-ever "survivor's guide" for wives of remarried widowers. Based on her own personal experiences, Julie Donner Andersen has become the ultimate insider, one who writes candidly and sensitively about an often-overlooked segment of society. A former Ohio state political lobbyist for parental rights, Julie now resides in Ontario, Canada with her previously widowed husband and three children, and can be reached by e-mail at juliedonnerandersen@mail.com.

Below is a sampling of Julie's writings:

Embracing the Late Wife

For GOWs Who Date an "Early Grief" Widower

PAST: PERFECT! PRESENT: TENSE! Insights from One Woman's Journey as the Wife of a Widower (Paperback)

Sex and the Wife of a Widower

Is a Widower a Good Catch?

WOWs and GOWs: Tailored to the Needs of Wives, Girlfriends of Widowers

See also Julie's article, How Long Is Long Enough, which I've attached (below).

These articles are written by Leandra Walker:

The D Word. Dating

Dating Too Soon? Too Late?

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

Starting Over

And this is by Beverly Chantalle McManus:

Is Six Months after Husband's Death Too Soon to Begin Dating?

HowLongIsLongEnough.doc