Resignation Vs Acceptance

[walter/Erica]

Not sure if this is acceptance or just giving up on life / resignation..please help. I just feel like I have NO expectations of God, the new year or the rest of my life for that matter,have any of you ever felt like that . Its nearly 2 years for me since I lost my husband. I hate this feeling of not being sure if I EVER am going to look forward to something good in this life ever again. Its like each and every day is teh same. If something is going to be different, I have to do it, make the day different for myself, and I am just so tired. I so long to be "surprised/blessed" by God. Will that ever happen?

[MartyT]

Erica, dear ~ I'm reminded of an earlier thread that you may find helpful: Why Am I Not Learning?

See also the attached article, Healing Through Creating Balance:

HealingThroughCreatingBalance.Christner.doc

[kath]

Dear Erica,

I understand that you have no expectations of God. I've been there. It's difficult to rely on the one that could have made a difference. I've been a widow for 19-1/2 months. It's been the hardest thing I've ever gone through. I still have many days of just being tired. Too tired to walk, too tired to think, too tired to care, too tired to try. Even on those days, I can find one thing that is okay. Some days I can even find something that is really great. It may come as a surprise. (Sun dogs on a winter's day or trumpeter swans on the lake, or even the sound of my daughter singing.) I like to look at those things as my reminders from God that He still cares. He wants me to be happy. So, keep looking. It's the little things that start to add up after a while and I'm pretty sure that God still has expectations of you (and me.)

Love,

Kath

Psst...Marty. Your link was awesome...another blessing!

[AnnieO]

Kath,

We must live closer than we thought! I too , just saw sun-dogs and trumpeter swans and couldn't agree with you more...I just have to keep reminding myself to raise my head up and look around. The other night I was doing my horse chores and my son drove up to the barn to tell me to look at the sunset. It was amazing. Plus, I got to sit and watch it with my teenage son. So, even on the really bad days, I will keep looking for the beautiful things iin my life.

[kath]

Okay, Annie. If you live within 30 miles N of Mpls, let me know. I'll buy the coffee! Kath

[leda]

erica, i am sure it is normal for all of us, who lost a spouse to give up. i too felt the same way, at first, after his death, afew months later, i would come home from work, and would not want to come in to an empty house, so, i just drove to the cementry, and i would lay down on his grave, and just wanted to be there with him,. i done that for months, no one knew. i worked nights, so, i get home, it was still dark. i would lay there, until daylight. i would not dare do that now. but, what i had to do, was move from the home we had. that helps me more, cause, there, i hurt more deeply. here, at my new place, i still miss him, but, it dont hurt as bad, at least i can live,without the reminder of everywhere i looked. that is me. some others, they feel better there at the home. so, it is different for all of us. dont give up on life though. you still have to live your life, it is different now, but, you still have to live. do it for you , or kids, family, and also for us, who reads this. it helps all of us to read. it does me. hang in there. we care and we feel your pain. leda