Face Of Grief

[teny]

Hellow my friends it has been 2 years since I lost Yiany and most of you know my pain and strugle.All this time I have not think of my grandmother who was areal face of grief.she lost her 2 children in2 years appart and her husband the next year.I remember her in black never smiling.she left her other 3 kids my father was the eldest and went to a monastery.when she grew old she returned to her island and was respected from the natives as a nun helping other people that were sufering.I thought that she would be the one that understands what IM going through.Doe s any of you believe that people and close relatives that are dead can help us?I have started asking for her help .Is this normal or im loosing my mind not beeing able to axept my life has changed for ever and happiness is only in the past.Thank you my far away friends.TENY

[dpodesta]

I think it is normal for awhile thinking that you will never find happiness again. However, I also believe that after time you can learn to find happiness. I know for me it took a while, and even as I appraoch 3 years I still have my moments. I have found tho it seems like this past year has been better than the first 2 years. I wish I could give you the secret to beoming happy again, however I don't have an answer to it for you as each of us are different. For me I became active in my church, getting involved in the children's ministry as a Sunday school teacher and running the sound for their Sunday night program. By being active, it took the focus off of me and put my energy into something else. I know from your previous posts that you don't have a support group over there which I think would help you a lot. Since you don't see if you can find some sort of charitable organization that you can help.

Love always

Derek

[kayc]

Teny,

Your grandmother left her other three children to go to a monastery? It seems to me that we can't leave the land of the living where there are those who need us, to live in the past that is elusive. I read some books about Madame Guyon, and while I could understand and relate to her, the one thing I disagreed with was that she also left her children to go on a spiritual quest. Our children need us. I know your children are grown, but you are still needed by them and will also be needed to be there for your grandchildren. Bravery, to me, is not to opt out of this world, but to face it even when we don't want to. Our departed loved ones hold allure for us, but it is the living that call to us. I wish you the best in your quest for peace. Derek made a good point, sometimes the key is in doing for others, it takes our mind off ourselves and our troubles. I wish you the best, Teny, I know you've struggled, and I hope you can find some happiness again.

I have been through hell and back (?) these last 3 years, 9 months, and find myself back to square one, needing to rebuild my life. I have re-joined the choir and worship team, am going to audit the church books tomorrow night, am trying to build a social life, and keep up with the tasks at home as best as I can since there is no one to help me. It keeps me busy. I feel tired but I don't have time to ask myself why I am here...I believe in time the answer will come to me.

Love,

KayC

[WendyJ]

Teny , yes I think it is normal for us to ask for help and guidance from our loved ones who have passed, well I at least hope so as I do the same thing as you. Many times I talk to my husband and ask for his help or guidance in something I am having a hard time with. I do not know if they truly can help us but I would like to believe they can and I would also like to believe they can hear and see us. So if you are losing your mind, so am I and that means when I come out to Greece to visit we should get along just fine ! My thoughts and prayers are with you my friend.

Love Always,

Wendy

[marsha]

Teny - no, you're not losing your mind!! It's funny, it's only now that I realize what my mother went through, and my grandfather, losing the loves of their lives. My mother died 8 years ago - I don't know that I ever properly grieved, as we opened our business 2 months later. Now it comes back to me with a vengeance. Now I'm having a glimmer of understanding, and now I miss my loved ones who are gone, more than ever. I also talk to them. I ask for understanding, guidance and I tell them how much I love them. I do believe in my heart that our loved ones are still there, somewhere - and I also look within myself to what they taught me. I carry them - all of them - in my heart. I'm wishing you peace today, Teny - Marsha

[teny]

Thank you my far away friends its so good you are here for me.Some of you recomented activities well I do have my job with ups and downs I go to the gym and Im a member in sorptimist organisation.Its anon profit international org for women and doing alot of charity work also education for children that have no way of going to school.Last sunday we went to a mountain that was in fire lst summer and together with enviroment org we planted 40000 new trees.Im in the run all day to keep body and mind bussy but what obout the sleeples nights? what about the loving arms and the one and only person you would like tobe there to ask you how was your day my love?Thank you.TENY

[walter/Erica]

I think it is normal for awhile thinking that you will never find happiness again. However, I also believe that after time you can learn to find happiness. I know for me it took a while, and even as I appraoch 3 years I still have my moments. I have found tho it seems like this past year has been better than the first 2 years. I wish I could give you the secret to beoming happy again, however I don't have an answer to it for you as each of us are different. For me I became active in my church, getting involved in the children's ministry as a Sunday school teacher and running the sound for their Sunday night program. By being active, it took the focus off of me and put my energy into something else. I know from your previous posts that you don't have a support group over there which I think would help you a lot. Since you don't see if you can find some sort of charitable organization that you can help.

Love always

Derek

Hi Derek, remember me, its Erica. I went off radar for a while. Its good and encouraging hearing that you are better. it will be 2 years in March. And it really has been a bad year. I didnt think that the 2nd year would be like this. In many ways it feels even worse than the first year after losing my husband. The other aweful feeling is the feeling of incredible loneliness for a relationship I think. Not sure of the nature of teh relationship, but theres is a desire to have a male friend take me out for dinner, movies etc

[dpodesta]

Hi Erica,

Yes, I do remember you. Good to see you back. Yes, I understand what you mean about relationships. Not sure what you want but want someone to be with and be able to do things with. I think that started happening for me around the 2 year mark as well. Don't be a stranger.

Love always

Derek

[kath]

Dear Teny,

It was a short time after my husband died, that I really started to miss my grandmother. She passed away just a year before Bob at the age of 92. My grandfather died young and I kept thinking that if grandma were here, she would be the only one that would really understand what I was going through. She is also the one I turn to when I feel weak, because she stayed faithful, strong and independent. Her daughter, my mom, was grown with a large family of her own. Grandma never stopped missing her husband and I now understand what it is like to lose the love of your life as she did. She held onto the day that she would be re-united with him, yet she filled our lives with fun and joy and love and pies while she was with us. I was able to hold her hand when she died. There was no sadness in her passing. Her moment had come. The sadness came for me much later, when she wasn't here to hold me as I echo her struggles.

[kayc]

Kath, I think the way you put that made me understand a little better how Teny might be feeling...it seems like when we lose one person it makes us miss all the more the others that we have lost...like missing your grandmother after you've suffered the loss of your husband. When we have someone we are accustomed to turning to in our life and we need them and they are no longer there, it makes it doubly tough.

Teny, you are doing what you can to get through this grief journey. You are staying busy, but yes, the nights are hard, I know. Keep expressing yourself, it helps, and I hope it gets better for you. As many of you have shared, yes in many ways the 2nd year can seem harder than the first. For the the "firsts without" were tough to get through, but it seems like it's the second year when reality really sets in and you realize they aren't coming back and you've missed them for so long, you can no longer feel patient about it, you want them now! Hold one, it's around three years or a little past that, when you may become more accustomed to the loss and the fact that you now have a new way of life. This missing them goes on forever, but a resignation sets in. I'm sorry we all feel the struggle...