Trying To Cope

[annieg]

My husband has been gone for 9 months now and I miss him more now than in the beginning. Since July I have been having night sweats and they are getting worse. Does anyone else have night sweats with their grief? Is this a normal reaction to grief?

[LarrysGirl]

Hi, I'm glad you found this site and hope you will continue to write again. I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband, it is very hard. I know that each of us have had different physical effects, so I will only speak for myself. You have to know that the grief, the shock has a profound effect on your body. I didn't really pay attention to it in the beginning and it took quite a toll on me. Not sleeping, waking up every hour was very bad for me. I can say that I've woken drenched in sweat during this time. I don't know if this is what you are talking about but I wouldn't rule out any physical reaction. If you have any more questions, please come here and post. This group of wonderful people who are grieving will be a great source of information and support for you. Deborah

[kayc]

Annie,

I'm sorry you lost your husband, it is undoubtedly the hardest thing one can go through. I haven't had night sweats, but like Deborah said, I wouldn't rule out almost anything, it affects us in so many ways, physical included. You've found a very caring group of people, please feel free to come back and post any time. There are people here who have just lost their spouse, and people six years out...it helps to see the different perspectives and know that what you are going through is very normal under the circumstances.

Kay

[annieg]

I appreciate so much the replies. This has been one of the hardest journeys I have ever embarked upon in my life. Hubby was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on March 19th and on April 24th he crossed over into the arms of God. I have had so many people tell me that I need to "get over it". But quite frankly, this is something that I can't just "get over". I have others tell me to start dating again and that will help. all I see right now is Garry. I don't want anyone else. I hope I am not bringing anyone down, but I feel that this is hopefully a place that I can talk about this and someone will understand. I can't sem to face a day without tears. This is just plain hard.

[marsha]

Annie - I am so sorry for the loss of your dear husband. The other ladies have shared a lot of wisdom, and they are so right about being able to come here and talk about anything. I understand what you're saying. My husband died on July 1, also after a brief, and futile, battle with cancer, and in some ways it is harder now than ever before. It wasn't that I didn't accept or understand why he died, but the reality of him gone forever has been hitting me very hard now. I don't get night sweats, but when I do wake up at about 1 am every night, my mind just races. "Monkey mind", my therapist calls it. I just want to hit the pause button, you know?? Please do continue to come here and share with us. Marsha

[kayc]

Annie,

Take your time with your grief, don't let anyone rush you, do it your way. This IS the hardest thing a person can go through, a husband encompasses every facet of our life...they're the very one we turn to in our hard places and now that we've lost them, what do we do, who do we turn to? Give yourself permission to be graceful to yourself and take all the time you need to process this, you've had such a huge shock and loss to deal with. My thoughts and prayers are with you...

Love,

Kay

[kath]

Dear Annie,

This is hard and I would venture a guess that the people urging you to get out and date haven't lost their spouse or best friend. Nine months was an incredibly lonely time for me. The reality of the permanence was starting to settle in and lack of sleep made it that much more difficult. Take your time and take care of yourself.

You are welcome to talk about anything here. Don't worry about bringing any of us down. It happens anyway and then we have to stay away for short breaks, but the compassion and care of the members here keep us coming back. I'm sorry about your loss, but I am glad you found us.

Kath

[MikeC]

Welcome, Annie

I am sorry for the loss of your husband. You are not bringing anybody down by posting here - you are among friends who understand what you are going through. I lost my wife about 7 1/2 months ago and I still cry almost every day, too. Take all the time you need and come here often - it has helped me a lot.

Mike

[annieg]

I am overwhelmed with the kindness and support I have found here. My husband was my world. I pastor a church and he was the rock here that I could lean on when problems arose. He took the reigns and handled things when they became overwhelming. Now it is just me, and I have to be "on' when I leave the house. Thank you for the understanding. I actually don't feel quite so alone now. I am so sorry to hear of the painful losses that you are all enduring. What a journey. My prayers are with you all and I so appreciate your prayers and support.

[kayc]

Annie, You may be a pastor, but don't let anyone expect perfection from you...the fact is, this is hard and you will have yours ups and downs, and you can't always be "on"...nor should people expect it. Being a pastor is a very demanding job and right now you need a lot of nurturing yourself. Don't be afraid to let the phone go unanswered sometimes or to just "get away" so you can have some down time. Anyone who is a true friend will understand. I've been in churches all my life and I would never expect any more from a pastor than I would from myself. It's not uncommon to question one's faith in a time like this, also, and that can be true no matter how strong your faith is. Just remember, even for you, that God has broad shoulders and can take it...He understands our upset, it all comes back around in due time and our faith can not only weather the storm but be all the stronger...but in the meanwhile, don't be surprised if you find yourself feeling somewhat distant from God or questioning His reasoning. It's not our questioning that matters, it's His strength, and He can handle it. In the end, I've learned it's not the "why" so much as the "what now" that I need to know.

I'm glad you found us too!

Love,

Kay

[annieg]

Kay,

I treasure these precious words of wisdom. You know, I just may let the answering machine handle the call the next time I feel overwhelmed. If there is an emergency, I will know it. Sadly, I don't really have any "friends" in this town, my best bud went home. I have found myself questioning God and the only thing I get back from Him is the still small voice that says, "I'm here". So, in that I am comforted spiritually. I really like what you have said here. Taking it all to heart!

Love,

Annie