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Trouble At Work, Etc.

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I've been working hard to keep everything afloat, but it's been hard .... I have a difficult class this year. I've lost a student (thank God, he was impossible, and the mom decided it was all me ... with the principal deciding to move him). So ... I don't know whether to laugh or cry -- but mostly it's been very difficult, and now my career is in jeopardy.

I've received a rather poorly-written memo detailing 14 things ... (at least!) I'm supposed to improve ... but without clarity as to how I'm supposed to do so (or more importantly, how the "powers that be" will determine when I've met those goals).

It's just been a really tough year, and now I don't know if my contract will be renewed following this year ....

I wrote a long post about this last night. Not sure what happened ....

* * * * *

The "stuff" in the basement is slowly coming into shape.

I've rented another storage unit.

I have a friend to help me ... I think .... I think it will all be over soon.

* * * * *

Painters and "estate sale ladies" are now turning the home into a thing I don't recognize. There are mice in the basement (and the foundation leaks). This ... beautiful estate ... once appraised at $600K is likely to fetch only $300-something.

It makes me so sad. I can't begin to explain (but maybe then I don't have to) ... how great the loss is ... to not have a home to return to.

No comfort.

No safe-haven.

No mother or father.

Life is truly challenging ... and there's no rest (and I'm so weary).


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Work... Well.. can ya go to the person that wrote the memo and ask for some clarifications? And also how you can measure your improvement???

As most teachers know... (and administrators can sometimes lose sight of) goals need to be measurable.

Glad the "challenging" student has been moved. Hope that helps you out alot.

Good to hear the basement project is coming along and that you may have some help! That's great. Must be a load off your mind a bit.

But I MUST tell you.. I SO get the house not being the same once a realtor gets in there. Ours wanted to get rid of furniture... move the remaining pieces around....change this.. change that.. paint this paint that.. ETC>>> Immediately... things were different and I hated that. That was the beginning of my love/hate relationship with the realtor. lol

One time I met him at the house (this company had open houses every weekend...) on a Monday and my Mom's beautiful and expensive drapes were opened all the way up and the sheers & drapes were just pushed all the way back and hung on the brackets that held different curtains.

My Mom would have flipped out if we had left the drapes that way. And I remember not saying a word to this guy til I fixed the curtains. He knew I wasn't happy and immediately began explaining that he just wanted to let more light in. This room faced south ...

It had three large lamps and it was maybe 12x15. It was PLENTY bright.. just he wasn't... oh brother... I was actually angry at this poor clueless guy... over drapes and curtains! Can ya imagine...?? They were just window coverings..but I recall.. my face was HOT. I was SO angry with this guy for messing with Mom's curtains.

But.. really?? probably?? I was angry that she had died. And I even knew that in that moment.. but I still felt angry. And on the way home that day... I told off that realtor REALLY well.. all by myself in the car. I did this several times before the house was sold. LOL Anyone driving past me must have thought I was nuts!

And any little change... just set me off. It got to the point that it wasn't my folks house anymore. And I wanted to spend as little time there as possible. I had to focus ALL my energy on thinking of the new people who would purchase the place and trying to leave it in as good a condition as I could.... just as my parents would have wanted me to.

We put the house on the market and within weeks... the market tanked. By the time all was said & done.. it sold for 100G's less than we had originally listed it for. But I just didn't worry about that too much because.. literally.. it was only money.

But yes.. no more "home"... no more "safe haven".. no Mom.. no Dad. THAT bothered me ALOT.

Its just real hard and .. it still is. I can't go "home" anymore...

What I can do though is.. close my eyes and "be" there in my mind.... any time I want. And I do... frequently.

I know the weariness you speak of and eventually that did wane off a bit for me. But it's so deep an exhaustion I'd swear it I was soul tired.

But.. Temmie.. maybe give yourself a moment to look at what you have done already, once in awhile. You have accomplished so much and you are still intact. You are "doing it". You are a NIKE commercial personified. :)

So in all of this... try to be good to you.

Work??? Just stay in the day... your contract is sound right now.. so act as if it will be in June too.



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Temmie my dear,

I know the pain of taking down a house, the value is not important anymore, your mom and dad had it for their bills, yeah that one hurts alot, but is true.

The house was their support and yes your home, understand that when you say good bye to the house, you have not let them down.

With your job, I agree with Leanne to find out the specifics and use this as your battleground to feel better about you.

Know that no matter what, you have friends here and at home that love you....there is nothing more and nothing less that matters in this life.

Give yourself a day or a week to sit back and sit outside....drink in the wonder...look to the sky,,,,,see the full moon and know that you are blessed for loving both of your parents and that they are watching from on high.

Cry and scream to me and Leanne and know that we will always wipe your eyes.. and hold you near day in and day out...

Be good to you and reach out to us to help you on the journey>>>>>

Patti your friend

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My mom and dad lived in a house owned by my Uncle. When he died, he left the house to my brother. When my mom had to go to the "home", my brother put the house up for sale. God, I wish now I could walk the floors and remember when life was better. Anyway, here is a poem I wrote one day after visiting the empty house:

This house is empty, cold and bare

Once filled with voices everywhere.

Remembering my mom and dad

Memories both good and bad.

A decorated Christmas tree

In the living room for all to see.

The family dinners we used to share

With sounds of laughter everywhere.

But now the silence fills this room

It echoes like a lonely tomb.

The kitchen where my mom would cook

So empty I can hardly look.

I close the door and walk away

And yet, my heart begs me to stay.

I’ll cherish every memory

Until, one day, my mom..I’ll see.

I can never go home anymore. Thank God for all of you.

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Its strange, I never lived in the house my parents were last in, but it still feels like I have no "home " to go visit. The day we closed the sale, was the last day I have ever been there. I can't even bring myself to drive into the neighborhood. I had to deal with a pushy realtor , who hired a "stager" to make the house "presentable". I can't tell you how upsetting that was. The changes she made were so bizarre!! Finally, I had to just let it go and let them do their thing, I got thru by having conversations with my mom and thinking what her reaction would be! I know she would have been shaking her head and laughing ! But in their defense they managed to get the house sold before things got too bad.

Temmie, I am sorry you are having such a rough time right now. I think what you have done so far shows you have so much strength and courage.

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Hi Temmie

it sounds like you are dealing with so much change right now. Change and loss are so hard. I don't know if there is anything anyone can really say to make it better, I think just knowing that other people are here to listen and support you can help, and the number of responses you recieve to your post on this board lets you know you are not alone, although it must certainly feel that way.

Its times like these we have to be our own best friends, although I am not even sure what that means sometimes! Give yourself a big hug, do the things that make you FEEL better, no matter what that is, and without judgement, and remind yourself that "this too shall pass". I think just allowing yourself to feel the pain and loss fully is the only answer to moving through it. I don't know what religion or faith you have, but just reminding yourself that your god/the universe supports you, and although things may seem so hard right now, the ultimate power is grace, and there are always hidden blessings in everything we have to endure, even though we cannot always see them.

The darker the cloud, the brighter the silver living.

Blessings and light

from Rachael in N.Ireland.

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I completely understand about the house. I lost my father about 12 years ago, and lost my mother last August. The house was purchased by my mother and father 54 years ago. My brothers and I grew up in that house. We gave away most of the furniture and what family members didn't want or need went to GoodWill. When I walk into that house with its empty walls where pictures of all the grandchildren and great grandchildren once hung it seems like an empty shell. So many memories... There is the doorway that leads to the basement where my mother marked my son's height every year. The marks are still there. There is the attic where all the grandkids and great grandkids played at Christmas and Thansgiving. The porch where I would sit in the morning sipping my coffee and listening to the birds chirp. I can't go in there anymore. The pain is too great.

Its funny but no matter where I lived even raised my own family, that house was always home. Now I feel not only a loss of both my parents but a loss of my home as well. If that makes any sense.

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I am having a very difficult time tonight.

The "estate sale ladies" have been busy with sorting, categorizing, and pricing things ... I never really wanted to let go of. The library table I loved for so many years for $17.50? That beautiful piece from the front hall for $65? Good grief. Oil paintings of Washington D.C. my dad so proudly brought home from the time when he worked for Lyndon Johnson ($10 each).

I'm appalled.

I've written my sister tonight to ask if she'd let me have or buy the first things mentioned. :-(

I lived in this house for 20 years.

I miss my parents' so.

I know they're only "things," but I'm living with road-side finds ... and how much nicer to furnish my home with a few of the niceities (sp?) that speak of Mom and Dad and home ....

I am so lonely.

The saw is gone.

The music which I'd sorted through and saved in the piano bench (which I'm taking) has disappeared.


How nice to have the piano, but how sad to not have the song books Mom introduced me to, and which I first learned to play ....


It's just still ... so very awful, to see the beautiful things they brought into the home with such pride ... being nickle and dimed down to nothing. I took a laundry basket ($1.50). I took one of Mom's favorite coffee cups (10 cents).

I'm feeling very sad tonight.


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Yup I have found it isn't the $$. It is the sentiments and memories within the "stuff" that's important. Whatever you can afford to have that you really would like to keep.. I'd go for it. You are right.. Why not be surrounded by things that bring good & positive memories for you? I'd get what you really want and ask someone what happened to the sheet music.

So go through the house as soon as you can and see what you would like to keep. Then ask your sis about all of the items at once. She really can't have much to say about it if you are willing to give the estate whatever the estate sale person lists as their value. Or cut the estate a check for the listed value of those items and forward it to her. (I know this sounds horrible... but to be safe and correct .. make a copy of any letters and checks you send to her.) Then ask your friend to help you get it out of there before said sale.

I can't imagine what it is like to have monetary values attached to every little thing. I really don't understand having an estate sale when all of you are viable and around. But I'm guessing that wasn't your choice.. only yet another decision made by others that you have to deal with.

I'm quite sure though that I would feel the same as you. It must be a very, very difficult thing to go through on top of everything else.

And I would make plans NOT to attend that sale, if I were you. I'd stay as far away that day as you can. You don't need that.

This is just awful and my heart goes out to you. Let the feelings be what they are and promise you won't judge them.. because ALL are ok and acceptable... and most importantly... keep expressing them.


Keep us posted on how you are hon.


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Blessings all who visit here. There is little time to write (and even less to read). What a comfort, however, to see your presence in words and thought.

I'm sorry I don't have more time to read ... to write ... and to respond personally ....

Little by little ... a bed here ... a desk there ... a table ... a collection of rattan ... I've been selling "my" things on CraigsList, and using $$$ to make up for income that was lost due to depleted sick-leave account ... and also to hire someone to help me move.


Good old Joe says he will give me "all of his Sunday" to help next week. Usually he meets a friend for lunch, so I have his assistance only in the morning .... In the meantime, I've written a man who helped me on Friday to ask if he might be available yet again. By the time Joe and I rent a truck ... and complete the paperwork ... and log the mileage ... and top up the tank ... then stand in line, etc., while waiting to return the truck ("Gary" and I could be done).

And still? The piano awaits. That's going to be expensive (and that's going to be more than I can manage with Gary OR Joe). There is no place to put things incidentally, but I'm making good use of the garage (and running loads to Savers and GoodWill.)

On the subject of my parents' home, I was -- heartsick -- to see how things were priced for the estate sale. The solid oak dining table (with inlayed detail) and six chairs is priced at $175. (I think we were all thinking it would fetch $500 or $600!) When I saw the library table priced at $17.50, I couldn't sleep. Hence the call to Gary -- and the quick order of pulling out of the house anything and everything within reason .... (Which translates to the library table, a shelf, a tape player tagged at $3 ... and a few other odds and ends.) Most everything else of value is gone ... and I do find that shocking, as well.

So much of the house has been dismantled. (And not by me!)

I wonder ... why we all didn't take more pictures of the way "it used to be."

There's no going back now.

As soon as the artwork came down, and JoAnne took off with the guns (Revolutionary War era, I believe) ... the floodgates opened.

There is no easy thing in this matter. And now that I've got the library table and the "shelf thing," (and now that I took a gate-leg table that I paid $300 to have refinished over to "make" some kind of "amends,") ... I wonder.

When will this all end?

Did JoAnne or others feel compelled to return personal things of value to the estate ... to ensure there will be something of value to sell?



I'm happy to have so much of "Mom" and "Dad" around me. It's not the same as having them ... but it's a comfort.

Soon -- life passes in such a blink of the eye -- we will join our beloveds. Pray that we not leave such a mess in our wake!

Start now. I must start now. Just as soon as summer begins ... just as soon, thank God, as I make it through this school year -- hopefully intact and employed.

Blessings all, Temmie

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Soon -- life passes in such a blink of the eye -- we will join our beloveds. Pray that we not leave such a mess in our wake!

Oh Temmie I'm right there with ya on this. I have all kinds of lists going on with how we can make things easier for our kids when it is our time to go. My Mom, bless her.. had gone thrugh SO much of the stuff they had after my Dad passed. (Dad wasn't too keen on getting rid of stuff... but she did alot of that...and it was a big job, thank goodness.) And there wasn't a whole lot of extra things around.

Yet.. still it was an entire household of stuff.

So for the stuff that every household has, that we too will have, we will leave the kids notes on ideas what to do with it if they don't want it themselves. Right down to phone numbers and addresses of places that will take it, whether they can have it picked up even instead of having to get it there themselves.

But we want to have it so there isn't a WHOLE bunch of stuff. So that remains a concern for me here. I'm already going through my own closets and niche's & corners to get rid of stuff we just aren't using anymore. I just want to streamline our existence. I've donated things and tossed stuff that was really useless. I'm compelled to know what is in every box and container we own. lol If I don't know what is in a box and can't remember the last time I opened it... really.. how badly do I need the stuff in it? I probably don't need it, is my usual answer. But if it is useful to someone else.. I donate it to a thrift store. So bit by bit I'm getting a grip on things in our house now. But I have miles to go...

We want to make sure things are ok for our kids bill & $$ wise. And we have discussed what we should have in the bank for them to use until our estate is through probate. And if we get to a point when we can't afford to keep that amount available for them.. we will move and downsize so we can afford it.

We discussed our vehicle(s) situation and what will we do as we age to make it easier for them. (When my FIL passed... dealing with the lease company was a royal pain... so if we lease a car later on, we will look into the insurance for it. And, simply put, if we can't afford that insurance.. we won't be leasing.)

So having had to clear out my folks house and my FIL's place as well... we learned quite a bit and I pray as you that we put that knowledge to good use.

Hope your weekend "help" turns out to be very successful for you, whichever help you decide on. Yes this is painful.. a very painful process. Your sibs haven't made it any easier for you. However.... the memories you have.. no one can mess with those. They are within you and always will be. I almost don't need pics anymore... I just close my eyes and everything is there as it was. But you are still in the middle of all of this so it may be hard for you to see anything other than what it looks like to you right now. Trust me though.. in time.. everything will be in your memory as it was.

You sound like you are making headway and really good decisions for yourself. This is so difficult so if it feels that way to you.. I think you are right. It is awfully hard to go through this. The blessing is that this task is temporary and eventually it will be finished. That I found is bittersweet. Yes.. it is great that the huge job of clearing, cleaning and selling everything is finally done!

But it is also the definite ending of being within those walls.

I have learned the four walls are just that.. It was the people within those walls that made it "home". And yes.. now they are gone. But my memories... those last forever and I will always have them. And they sustain me to this very day. And they also make me want to make some good ones still for ourselves & our kids here & now.

So you still have your son and loads of time to make some more great memories with him. But right now.. it is very hard so know we are all here and holding you up as you go through this.



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I know the pain that you are going thru and there is light and the end of the tunnel. As we took down my Dad's home, there were tears every weekend. The clothes were the hardest...the antiques even harder. We had a family meeting about the estate and the final decision was to have us keep what meant the most to my family and the kids. Pictures, well they were difficult and I have boxes of them in the house and I spend an hour a day going thru them and getting rid of those that have no meaning. As Leanne so wonderfully stated, the memories when you close your eyes will serve you for each and every day of your life.

The items that mean the most to you and your son, keep, I find that items that we kept bring a smile to my family every day. My daughter loves the furniture that she got and it makes her smile everyday.

I am glad that you are posting here again and I know the feeling of not checking in as often as we used to....I don't know about you but I feel the need to be close to myself and the family and have the freedom to deal with moving on in my own way. This site is wonderful and the friends are precious.

Know that you have and will always be in my prayers each night.

Many Hugs and blessings to you.......I am here for you each and every day.


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The hard thing for me is that when we had to put my mom in the "home", my brother decided to sell the house. She was alive and we had no reason to think she would not be around for a long, long time to come. My sister and I went to the house and went through EVERYTHING. Every drawer, ever cupboard and seperated things for a garage sale. We kept things we wanted, there was not alot though.

Anyway, had I known she would die within the year, i certainly would have kept more things. More dishes to remind me of her, more pots and pans that I remember her using. Sheets, things that would now remind me of her.

I just wish I could have gone through everything AFTER she died.

And there is no one to blame, thank God. My mom was no longer able to walk or care for herself and it was silly for my brother to keep the house, especially with the market falling. So he sold it.

I keep thinking i am doing so well, then something like this comes into my mind. She has been gone for over a year and I miss her more than anything in this world.

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