Losing Things

[kath]

My grandma had all the jewelry that my grandpa had ever given her and was able to hand down a treasure to all the granddaughters before she died. I don't remember her ever wearing any of it, she just had it and would show us on occasion as tears welled up in her eyes.

I wear something from Bob in addition to my wedding rings nearly every day. He was always buying me beautiful things, jewelry I never felt I deserved and certainly wouldn't have spent the money on for myself. Piece by piece I'm losing them. First was the diamond anniversary band I lost on my birthday last year. It was the one year anniversary from Bob's last day at home. (He was hospitalized the next day and died a week later.) The agony of losing that was close to losing Bob all over again. After all, when would I ever get to celebrate another anniversary?

Next was the angel pin he gave me when I was going through a tough time. It was a simple pin, with a heart under the cherub. The card said the angel above the heart was "me." I pinned it on my daughter Halloween night to keep her costume from slipping. Even in the dark, I knew it was gone and searched frantically, to no avail.

This week, was one pearl earring. I learned with the anniversary band that these are just things, that I can't lose the memory of receiving them, or what they represented. But, it still hurts. I don't want to lock stuff up and only look at them occasionally. It would be nice to hand some pieces to my children and their children some day, but right now, I need them near me. They were a part of me with Bob and I need to have them on without him here more than ever. These are the "things" he loved to give. Without them, I feel like in some way, I am losing him too quickly.

Does anyone else have this problem of losing things their loved one gave them? How do you deal with it?

[kayc]

Every once in a while, something happens to something that had meaning/value to me or to him. Right off the bat, I discovered the ring I gave George on our wedding night (not his wedding band, but a gift) was missing. I believe it was the friends he stayed with during his workweek. I filed a police report and contacted all of the pawn shops but never got it back. The other day my dog got his dream catcher off the wall and chewed it up, that was hard, like it was destroying a link to him. There was also an earring I lost a couple of years ago...I wrote to the company to try and get a replacement but they no longer have them in stock. Yes, I know what you mean and how it makes you feel. I'm lucky, George gave me so much, there is always more. But it hurts to lose anything they gave us. I won't let go of the remaining earring, I will undoubtedly make it into "recycled art"...I take a canning lid and decorate the background (modgepodge something onto it), then superglue bits of jewelry onto it, then cover it with resin, adding a bead to the top for stringing something through to wear as a necklace. I put some of these for sale in Portland...they were selling them at the coast for $35 each in gift shops...they're fun to make and a good way to use up those odds and ends pieces you don't want to part with. Before doing that, however, I would try and locate a pearl earring to match if at all possible. Do you know where he bought it? If not, go to a few jewelry stores and ask them about matching it.

As for the things that are completely gone...telling yourself what you already have is about all you can do. Losing things isn't losing them, and even though they're out of reach, we still have our love for each other...and Kath, we will be reunited someday.

Love,

Kay

[MartyT]

Oh Kay! What an amazing idea ~ and how wonderful that you've shared some examples with us so we can see them, too! Your pieces certainly are a reflection of the beautiful person who created them . . .

[LarrysGirl]

Kath, I haven't lost any jewelry he gave me, knock on wood, but when I can't find something I ask Larry to help me or steer me in the right direction and he's come thru every time!! Deborah

[kath]

Dear Kay,

Your pieces are georgous! Thanks for attaching the photo so I can see how you do it. That's a really great idea because I have a lot of pieces here and there. I think I will look into finding a matching earring. I had never even thought of that. I did think maybe I'd just buy some inexpensive stuff and wear that so I found some things at a craft show yesterday. I lost one earring on the way home from my mom's, after stopping to help my daughter who got sick in the van. It really didn't bother me that this one was lost (though I found it soon after) so it is the Bob attachment that I don't want to let go of. I don't think of myself as a material girl, but I am highly sentimental.

Deborah,

I think I've called on Larry's help before in finding some keys, so maybe you could direct him to MN.