3 Months And Counting

[nicollaw]

Hi all:

Sorry I haven't been in contact with anyone. I seem to struggle alot of late. I met my husband on Saint Patricks Day and our first date was two days later. Here it is 18 years later and he's gone and left me. So March wasn't good for me. Actually their aren't any good days. I am still taking care of my father with I resent. Because I don't have the luxury of grieving properly. I take more out on him than I should. Chris and I used to take my dad to his chili cook offs, but this last Saturday my dad refused to go because he was too cold. So I callled the nurse and I went on my own. I was not expecting what I got. I got alot of support (which I expected) but maybe too much. I choose to isolate myself because it makes this hole thing not real. things are too different to try to do the same things we used to do together without him. I have received three different wedding invitations addressed to me only, already. Selfish I know. Why would I want to go to a wedding and see others happiness. All I would do would be a downer to the wedding. the last thing I want to do is bring sadness to others great day. And here's another thing, I am struggling with the grave Marker. My husband was an extrodinary poet and writer, besides a lawyer, artist, thoughful person commassionate, extrodinary person. This is the last thing to say about him. He is buried on Santa Catalina Island, (avalon, CA). they have strict rules. It must be 12" x 24" in bronze only, no granite under. He wrote a poem for me with my Maiden name (Waters)in it after my mother died in 1992. All of my family is buried on the island. I will post it here and plese give me your feedback on it. I do not want the normal bleoved husband, son and brother. The more words the smaller the font but if I cut out the frill surrounding the Marker I may be able to do it. Let me know what you all think please.

Mary

CHRISTOPHER JOHN NICOLL

July 3, 1959- January 6, 2009

(picture)

Waters To Waters

Ashes to ashes and Waters to Waters

From mothers and fathers to sons and daughters

The sea is a master and the lesson we learn

Is from the sea we come and to the sea we must return

From heaven and earth from sea to sky

The journey of water is the journey of Life

Water and man are as Husband and Wife

And the love of the sea is the love of life

So let us drink To Life, Love and the Sea

And sail as one Into Eternity.

Composed with love By Christopher John Palmer Nicoll 2-14-1993

[LarrysGirl]

I'm so sorry that March has been so hard for you. Also taking care of your father is alot of responsiblity while you are grieving. If you could find a way to be able to take some time for yourself that would be really good right now. Your energy levels have to be low and it would do you so much good to rest. I know its hard to take about the wedding invitations, I couldn't understand how the world could go on and not even notice that my world had ended. This is all going to take time, time to heal, time to rest, time to learn to adjust to life again. I love the poem, it is beautiful. He was very talented and I know you miss him. Deborah

[mrspapajohn]

Mary - - My husband also died on January 6. It feels like yesterday. I wake up every day crying because I have to face another day without him, although I don't know how I have any tears left.

I am sorry that you are caring for your father at this time. That must bring more stress. But, I took care of my mother until she died and I look back on that time and I am grateful that I was able to do it (although I still have guilt feelings, because, instead of taking things out on her, when I was stressed or upset, I just ignored her). She died four years ago and I'm still not over it, although I don't believe that there is any pain that is worse than losing your husband. How could there be more pain than this?

I understand your wanting to isolate yourself. I feel the same way.

The poem is beautiful. He must have loved you very much. I'm sure he still does.

Kathy

[kayc]

Mary,

It is good that people include you in their invitations, but it doesn't mean you have to accept. I would send them a card and a gift, and decline attending.

I'm sorry March was so hard, I hope April gets better for you.

Isolating yourself is pretty common, sometimes it's hard to feel that others understand.