Not A Good Week

[MichA]

This is a really rough week, it’ll be two months May 31 since my mom passed away and May 31 is also my parents 40th wedding anniversary. As the planner in the family – I had been planning on holding a big party for them that day. All plans were halted in February when the cancer started to take over. My Dad has been saying how he’s dreading this weekend for weeks. I’m going to spend the weekend with him and we’re going to go buy flowers for their yard (like my mom always did) and plant them. We’re also going to have a special supper on Saturday, a moose roast my mom promised my dad to save until she went back home (which she never did…). I have a brother in BC and a sister nearby but she won’t be there.

I’m having an especially difficult week, just sad and really miss my mom and wish that I could talk to her about it. SHe'd know what to say. She was 58 and we were very close. It’s like sometimes it just hits me that I cannot see her or talk to her. The other day when I was talking to my Dad, I just about asked him to talk to Mom. I have started writing a letter to her, but am finding it difficult.

[mlg]

MichA

Don't hesitate to talk to your mom. It may not be the same because she can't answer, but sometimes we get answers in other ways. I talk to Tom everyday. Especially when I am having a difficult time it's like he is trying to calm me down.

I know what you mean about almost asking to talk with them. I don't do that with my dad any more but still find myself wanting to call my good friend to talk and then realizing she hasn't been here for 10 years. It's getting bad too because I found out one of my friends will soon be moving away and another is thinking of "wintering" away. I know I can go see them but it just won't be the same.

Just take care of your self and remember there is no wrong way to deal with all of this.

[MichA]

Thank you for your kind words.

I have tried to talk to her a couple times, but it definitely is not the same. I got through mother's day by more or less pretending it was just another day but this anniversary is big and it's been a hard week for my dad too.

Michelle

[MartyT]

Michelle, dear,

Special days like this are difficult for all of us ~ but sometimes it helps to plan ahead just how we intend to manage them. Even if you don't plan anything at all, that is okay, too, as long as it's intentional on your part ~ just don't make the mistake of letting an anniversary day sneak up on you, by waiting until the day arrives to decide what you're going to do with it. There are lots of articles with very creative ideas "out there" ~ and below you'll find links to some of them:

Remembering Our Loved Ones on Valentine's Day, http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?showtopic=2886

Coping with Holidays and Other Celebration Days, http://www.griefhealing.com/coping-with-ho...ys-articles.htm

[MichA]

Well, we made it through the weekend. It was hard but we made it. We had beautiful weather out here and picked out some flowers (my mom's favourites of course) got them all planted. Then we had a great meal and toasted to her. Before my mom got sick my husband and i would go out to visit my parents and we'd always play cards, well at 3 not so easy to play cards, so we played trivial pursuit. It was fun - not the same as it will never be the same, but it was fun. I feel tired and definitely not like i used to be, but the intense sadness from last week has dissipated a little. In my office i at least have the door open today so people can come by and say hello.

A little sun sure was helpful

Michelle

[tobi234]

Hi Michelle,

I'm so sorry to hear that you have also lost your mom. My mother passed away April 6/09 at the age of 59. It was a huge shock and I am trying to make the best of it, doing it one day at a time.

I'm glad you got through the weekend. I'm sure she was looking down upon you and smiling . Having the support of loved ones around you will help you get through the rough patches. Take care.....

Angela