4th Of July

[shhh65]

Sitting here looking at a picture of Harry & his wonderful brown eyes. Usually sit here crying because I won’t see them again…I never heard from the recipient of his cornea transplants, at least not yet. But I’m ok with that. If the transplant failed, I guess I wouldn’t want to know.

It was 18 months on the 22nd of June. I’ve had short breaks in the severe grieving. In looking back I realize that the old saying “God won’t give you any more than you can handle” has been true for me. For each of us that has a different meaning. For me, it means I’m still here when I wanted to die, all the while feeling guilty about what that would do to my children, grandchildren, sisters and the rest of my family and friends. Thanks be to God for never giving up on me!

I’ve made it through all those first holidays and anniversaries. I’ve gone to a regular support group as well as the support I’ve received here. I’ve reached out to lots of other widows trying to establish new friendships with women who are in the situation in which I find myself. It seems like I have made a job out of trying to make a life for myself. I also realize how fortunate I am to have had Harry in my life for 42 years and 7 months and that if the situation were reversed I wouldn’t want him to be in pain forever. I would want him to be happy.

For the new people on this site this is intended as a glimmer of hope. For the people who were on when I first found the site it is meant as a thank you for being there for me. Many of you are brilliant at expressing what so many of us are feeling but unable to put into words.

Praying that you all have a good 4th of July. Hoping you find yourselves surrounded by those you love but knowing that even if you are alone that you really never are because you have this site and our Father in heaven on your side.

Love,

Sherry

[marsha]

Wonderfully said, Sherry, and thank you. Over the past year, I, too, have come across widows and widowers in all stages; some I've known, but some came out of the woodwork. They've helped me, and I hope I've helped them. I've had friends fret about me being alone. Yes, I'm living by myself, but that's ok - and I get reinforcement that I'm being thought of, and loved, most times when I least expect it. It makes me feel - blessed? Even in the darkest moments of my grief, I hold on to that, and to G-d, most of all. My year's anniversary this week has put me in a state of non-motivation, and feeling emotionally drained. But I went to the beach today, watched the unending waves, and met up with friends for a long talk. I'm glad you shared your thoughts today - Hugs, Marsha

[laurieb]

Thank you so much to the both of you. I was just returning from a work gathering that I didn't want to be at and having just a horrible time lately . It has been three months and honestly I feel like some days are just so unbelievably hard. I just hate my life, hate that I have to start over, hate that I feel so guilty that my boys are moving on and doing well, hate that I feel needy or week, and most of all hate that I am so alone with out my best friend... I am trying so hard. I pray all the time, joined a griefshare support group, read this site everyday, have three books on grief that I read daily, journal and I still hate my life! and then...I read your comments and ... thank you... I do have a lot to be grateful for and I realize that there are people out there who have it so much worse. Like relationships that were so much longer than our 26 years together, or those that didn't have a close relationship when they were alive, or the lady at my group that buried her son and is now struggling with cancer!!.. Thank you again for allowing me to know that there is going to be days like this and others where I am able to see ... some peace and joy....

and..thank you for writing today.

laurie

[valley]

Laurie, Marsha and Sherry,

One thing we have in common is the love we shared with another person. And that is a gift. I meet so many woman who tell me, "you were so lucky to have had a true love", something they never experienced. I know that doesn't make it any easier, maybe harder, but I am glad that I did get almost 40 years to know and learn about a man I admired.

The article Marty posted a few days ago, The Gift Of Loss, was very moving to me. Especially the last part...."love is the strongest force in the universe" and this is a force that all of us have known. It makes it no less difficult to lose, but I am so thankful that I can call that up inside me.

Bless you woman on this 4th of July.

Valley

[kayc]

Sherry,

Thank you for your inspiring words. Yes, I too can say God was with me through everything. In the beginning, I couldn't see it, but now that I look back, I can. It is a great comfort to know that He is there through it all.

Kay