laurieb Posted July 13, 2009 Report Share Posted July 13, 2009 I was hoping I can ask some help from the group.. I am planning a trip back home with my boys at the end of July for my 30 year high school reunion (ugh) Scott and I are from the same town and all our family and friends are still there. He practiced there and his office is sill there and am so afraid of completely falling apart when I am flooded with all these faces, memories, first house where we got married etc. that I am seriously thinking of canceling our trip.. I can fall apart going grocery shopping with out him!! One of our boys doesn't want to go at all and the other can't wait. Scott's dad wants us to stay with him and I just can't I would absolutely fall apart so we are staying in a hotel.. My own mother hasn't called to see how I(we) are in a month and I don't really want to see her either... It will be 4 months this tuesday and I don't know if this is all too much too soon or what we need.. I am sounding like I am talking myself right out of this... HELPlaurie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Markgw Posted July 13, 2009 Report Share Posted July 13, 2009 If only I could answer that question for you it would answer it for me and others probably too.......thats the total confusion that occupies us....not knowing what to do or what the right thing to do is......scared of flashbacks and falling apart in front of everyone from the slightest rememberance......seemingly not getting enough empathy and compassion from others who are family or friends.....everything you said rings home to me Laurie, my wife passing 7 weeks ago......2 years after moving from Williamsburg VA to Scottsdale AZ......no one here but us two.......so happy......and now.....its all changed.......I dont know either if I want to go back any time soon and act like everything is normal.......it will never be normal......only certain people can understand that.....I do what works for my life right now, what works for me.....if others dont understand, they will in time.....you are ALLOWED that...hope to talk with you again....Mark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted July 13, 2009 Report Share Posted July 13, 2009 Hi, Laurie.Your children sound like mine...totally opposite on what they like or want. That said, it will be impossible to keep everyone happy. My only advice is that often it is the anticipation of an event that is much worse than the actual event. How do you feel about going? Was it something you had looked forward to with Scott? I can only say that it would be hard to know how you will feel until the day arrives. Our feelings are like pendulums and the swing can be very wide! I found early on that having a plan B and/or C gave me enough comfort to actually make those plans. If I go and it gets to where I can't breathe or feel like I may fall apart when I need to be composed, have an out. Don't be dependent on someone else for a ride. Plan on staying at the reunion just a short time and plan another activity for you and your children. You have a lot of history there. Expect tears, which is not a bad thing. It is very necessary. You may also find you have a lot of support there which may be just what you need.Kath Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Mayhew Posted July 13, 2009 Report Share Posted July 13, 2009 LaurieB, I would try and go ... but I know just how hard this will be. What I wanted to stress to you, quite strongly Laurie, is that if you do make the decision to definitely go ... IT MUST BE ON YOUR TERMS. Sorry to shout (capital letters) but it's so important that while you are there, you are able to control what you do and where you go and who you see each day (staying in a hotel will help with that!), also if you want to change your plans, you shouldn't feel bad, don't let ANYONE pressure you into doing anything that makes you feel wobbly while you are there.Thinking of youx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 13, 2009 Report Share Posted July 13, 2009 I would say to go with your inclinations, do you want to go, do you want to see these people, or does it just seem like an unnecessary stress? Listen to your inner self and follow what you think you are ready for... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laurieb Posted July 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2009 thank you all so much..i am so confused on what I want...i am so used to doing what others want and making them happy and scott always centered me or I had someone to talk things over with. I know how important it is for his family to see our boys and I do want to see some of my friends from high school. Mark, my heart goes out to you.. every time I feel sorry for myself, someone else puts things in perspective. I can not imagine moving with my husband, not knowing anyone and then loosing him.. I am going to have a plan B and if we have to leave early..so be it! I can't thank you all enough for your wisdom and experience..I honestly just didn't think of all your ideas..laurie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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