So Cliche, But Do You Feel Lost?

[emptyinside]

I feel so lost, like I'm free floating around. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know who I am! How strange and abstract is that? You hear it all the time from people, right? "I went to find myself." I think I am suffering from deep depression and severe insecurity. I question everything in my life now. Are my friends my friends? Is my family family? Do I like this book or not? I bought this shirt last week. Do I like it now or not? Why did I buy it? Am I really alone in life or do I have people who care about me? I'm not sure. Yeah, I have friends who call me, say they love me, but do they really? Can anyone relate? It's such a strange 24/7 feeling! This grief has made me so insecure in every area of my life these days!

Should I be talking to a psychologist or a psychiatrist? I've seen therapists, but none on a longterm, permanent basis. I'm thinking maybe I should target the latter because I might need meds, lots of meds...

[AnnieO]

Yes, I think many of us have had the feelings you are describing. Its so hard and I am so sorry you are going thru this. Yes, I think you should see someone and maybe Marty can help you figure out who you need to seee. I tried 2 therapists before I found the right one. The right one for me is a grief specialist, she is so wonderful and has helped me so much. Please dont wait any longer....as always you are in my thoughts.

[kath]

Dear Em,

I don't have to tell you what a phenomenal trauma you have experienced. You've felt it everyday for how many months now? Naturally, it sort of sucks the life out of us with it. To come back from that takes a great deal of faith, love, patience and help. Being here is one part of that. You are doing good things here. I had sought counseling and wasn't able to continue it because of work. Then that place fired me and I found a grief support group. I also had my parish and some friends that helped a lot. I questioned everything, including my sanity. Having the additional support was stabilizing for me. Not having my spouse to bounce ideas and concerns off of shook my security and confidence to the core. With this group and the others, I somehow got through it. If you are in a place where you can question and recognize your stability during this emotional time, then we will hold you up as you seek that extra help. If it isn't right for you, then keep looking. You are so worth it. Do whatever it takes to get help. You are much too important to let yourself down.

All our love,

Kath

[Chai]

I definitely feel lost sometimes, em. Like I am walking in different world that is not even parallel to others' world, not entering theirs, and I merely interact with people but they don't understand me, and I can't step into their world. I'm in this strange jungle with no map, with the lions and tigers of guilt and sorrow jumping out at me at unforeseen moments.

I feel very restless sometimes, itching to do something, and at other times I just want to lie in bed with my bear. Neither feels satisfying, really. In fact, I don't think I have ever felt so unsatisfied. Discontent. Lonely. Sad. Lost, definitely lost.

I am sorry to hear you are going through so much insecurity in other areas of your life. I hope that sharing here can give you some comfort.

Perhaps try a regular long-term therapist/psychologist/grief support group? A long-term thing seems to me that it would be more comfortable, intimate, and helpful. I myself am currently exploring local grief support groups in an effort to establish a long-term, face-to-face sharing with people. I hope you can find the same.

[MartyT]

Hi Em,

I'm hoping you will find this thread helpful: Can Anyone Tell Me if Therapy Helps, http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&a...ost&p=22388

I also want to share with you the following excerpts from two noted experts in grief:

Finding a Good Therapist - What exactly defines a good therapist? The right therapist for you is someone who has the proper training and credentials, experience with the problem you are dealing with, and, most important, someone with whom you feel at ease and able to express yourself openly. Research over the years has shown repeatedly that the degree of comfort and warmth you feel from your therapist can be just as important, if not more so, than what he or she actually tells you . . .

– Grieving Mindfully: A Compassionate and Spiritual Guide to Coping with Loss, © 2005 by Sameet M. Kuman, Ph.D., p. 109

Choosing a Counselor - Finding a counselor or therapist who can help you with your carried grief takes some work, and then deciding if it is a good match takes even more.

In selecting a therapist, you have the right to shop around and ask questions. To do this you may need to overcome some of the passivity that sometimes is part and parcel of carried pain. However, it is critical to convince yourself that you deserve a therapist or group experience that is best matched to your needs.

Training, Philosophy, Experience

As you explore your options, feel free to ask about the counselor’s education and training. What degrees has she earned? What certifications or licenses does he hold? Reputable professionals will feel comfortable answering questions about their training, philosophy and experience. Do not hesitate to ask about their therapeutic philosophies and the kind of techniques they might use in counseling you. Describe your issues of carried grief and ask how they might work with you.

Unfortunately, there are some therapists who should be avoided. Even highly qualified professionals may simply not have worked with or had experience in the area of carried grief. That does not make them less competent; it may simply mean they are not a good match for you and your needs. Again, it is legitimate to ask a counselor about her experience with carried grief. Ask her how many similar clients she has seen.

Relationship

While this is a very subjective area, the question is: Does this person seem like someone you would be able to work with effectively? Does her personality, answers to your questions and concerns, and office environment make you feel safe and respected? Do you sense that he genuinely cares about you as a human being and about the work you are going to be doing together? Essentially, do you feel comfortable with this person and sense that she can help you? If it does not feel right, then it is probably not right for you . . .

A very wise person once said, “It is possible to listen a person’s soul into existence.” In my experience, effective counseling can be the soul’s bridge back from living in the shadow of ghosts to living a life in the light. With this little bit of information and the desire to find the right match for yourself, counseling can be a vital ingredient of your own healing journey.

– Living In the Shadow of The Ghosts of Grief, © 2007 by Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD, pp. 112-114