Feeling Restless

[deborah ogren]

I know that I'm in the early stages of greving, it has been only 5 months since I loss my domestic parnter Deb. One of the things I find really hard is sleeping. It isn't that I'm not tired, been taking the sleeping pills, and the anxiety pills, they just don't seem to work. They did work in the beginging, but now it seems like a lost cause.

I've been trying to keep myself busy, and even when you are exhausted I just pray sleep will come. Being that I need the rest because of the stroke that I had in Febuary, and then she passed in March. It just seems like it is a loss cause. I realize that the body has to sleep in order for me to get better.

Maybe if there is away to turn your mind off, it is like my mind isn't thinking of anything that I know of. Does anyone have any ideas on this subject.

I realize it is hard to keep things together when you are greving. I guess sooner or later it does get better within time.

I did start a new book called "The Secret" maybe it will make me sleep.

I just wanted to know if anyone else feel restlness like I do. I know that there are so many different stages when one is greving, and we all grieve in different ways.

Well I will close for now, it is only 2:15 a.m.

Deborah

[MartyT]

Deborah, dear ~ Sleeplessness and restlessness are very common and normal in grief, especially at this point in your own grief journey. See, for example:

Is It Normal Not to Sleep after a Death,

http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&a...ost&p=32887

It’s One A.m. And I Can’t Sleep Blues, http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&a...ost&p=27228

Not Sleeping Thread & Links, http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=2561

DeStress Kit for the Changing Times, http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&a...ost&p=31046

Lost My Father Last Week, http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&a...ost&p=31716

[LarrysGirl]

Deborah, you'll find getting a normal nights sleep to be difficult in the beginning. For some of us, it takes quite a while to ever get back to a good nights sleep. I would sleep, nap, when you can and just rest even if its not sleeping. That is why I always say take CARE of yourself now, that is the most important thing to do right now. Deborah

[deborah ogren]

Marty T,

Thank you telling me links I could check out about the sleeping sistuation. I did check a few of them today. It is nice to know that lack of sleep people will go threw, it just takes some time. I'll check the other tomorrow.

Debbie

[deborah ogren]

Larrygirl,

Thank you for replying to my post. I did work a little bit the house today, so I'm going to go to bed early. I'm not trying to over due, and not wanting to get a second win before I go to bed. So keep your fingers cross, and we will see how it goes, try to have a goodnight.

Thanks,

Deborah

[Chai]

Dear Deborah,

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your dear partner Deborah. Grief is a very tough thing, it really runs us through the mill. It makes one start to wonder about the phrase "God doesn't give us more than we can handle," but look at you, your posts are so inspiring. You remain strong and optimistic even through all of this.

Let me say, that the sleeping is STILL hard for me, and I'm at 9 months. Things just really get to us sometimes, and unfortunately there is so much time and silence to think when one is lying in bed attempting to fall asleep. I take homeopathic sleeping pills when I really can't sleep, but lately even those haven't helped me. As someone struggling with sleep myself, all I can recommend is to try to find something peaceful to quiet and soothe your mind before you lie down. Perhaps some soothing, not-sad music, or reading a few pages of a book of poems/short stories, or the Bible. I find that scripture before bed can be very reassuring for my worrying, grieving head and makes me less likely to think about all the sad stuff while lying in bed.

I wish you the best, and not just in your attempts to get some shut-eye! Going to bed early is an excellent idea. I am trying to make that one a habit, myself. by the by, thank you for adding me as a friend on here. =)

take care,

Chai

[deborah ogren]

Dear Chai.

Thank you replying to my post. To be honest I don't really know how I been able to handle things the way I have been doing.I done a lot of praying for some guidance the past 5 months. I have questioned sometimes in my mind " That God Doesn't Put Anything On Our Heads That We Can't Handle." But with the help of a few good friends and this awsome website it make things much easier for me.

I try to stay optimistic, and postive. I do have my bad days, like we all have. Sleeping is one of the things that is hard for me. I guess because I want to have good dreams. Since I loss her I haven't had one dream about her. I keep hoping that she will come to me in my dreams. But again I still think she will come back to the house, which really hasn't happen. I know some people don't believe in that, but I do. Personal experience of this happen back in 1971 when I loss my father, it only happend twice, his spirit or image was there and then it vanished. So right now I have mixed emotions on that.

Right now I'm trying to get phycially better, and mentally at the same time. Before I loss Deb I suffer a massive stroke, and was hospitalize for 15 days. After my return to home Deb took a turn for the worst. I didn't have time to worry about me at this point. I really believe that I was handling everything, but God sure didn't think so. So he took me out of the picture for a little time. I felt so bad for not being home, because Deb was by her self. But know I now that is would bring back in the picture at his time, which he did.

I have to believe that God has a plan for me like he had a plan for her. So I'm learing each day to remember the goodtimes, and the good life I had with her (25 years). I know comptely in my heart that she is watching over me and that I will be fine during this journey. I know now that we only can live for today because that is all we have, tommrow has came yet.

Thanks for the suggestions on sleeping ideas. Take care of yourself, and may God guide you and give you inner strength threw your journey.

Deborah

[Korina]

Chai, Deborah:

Today, I just sat down on the couch (a few moments ago), crying, thinking, "What the #@#*$ makes You think I can handle this..?!"

Korina

[Fredzgirl]

Korinia, I wonder the same thing, why I ever thought I could get through this. I know it isn't a choice we made but at the beginning, I felt stronger. And, I've got to tell you, sometimes reading this forum scares me. I'm restless too ... can't keep my focus on my work. What I find unsettling is that five months might still be considered the early stages of grieving. Fred has been gone exactly 8 weeks and I just want to have the grieving behind me. I don't want to ever forget him, and I know I won't. But, I want the pain to go away and from what I'm reading, it's not going to happen for a very long time. I don't know if I have the stamina for it.

[Korina]

Fredzgirl:

I am almost at 11 weeks, and it feels like forever and just yesterday at the same time. And like you, to hear about the struggles those who are much farther along continue to face is daunting. But I do find that his forum is such a wonderful help. And I am lucky to have the support of so many friends and family.

As far as sleep goes, I seem to have regressed. For quite a while, I could fall asleep as long as I was very tired as I went to bed. For 3 or 4 weeks after Scott died (and I too, find it so disconcerting to write or say the word "death" or "died" in relation to my husband, as someone else posted recently), I am not sure if I ever slept for more than an hour or 2 at a time (if I was lucky). Now, after the memorial on Sunday, I find that I can fall asleep to the drone of the tv, but when I drag myself to bed, the insufferable thinking kicks in...crap. Hopefully this won't last too long.

Korina