Am I Crazy?

[Guest Whatnow?]

My dad died a little over two weeks ago.

he was not sick, he drowned at Apache lake, and I did not witness it but I heard the stories and have been there enough to be able to picture it

he was not an amazing dad, he worked a lot to provide for us and that's how he showed his love

I started school the monday after it happened (he drowned on Friday and found his body on Sunday)

I am not crying that much

I can still have a good time

I feel guilty when I do have a good time

I'm worried about not dealing with it because I have a history with very bad depression and have been on 100 mg Zoloft for a while now

so what is wrong with me?

My dad just died and life is still going on like normal and a lot of the time I feel relatively normal and am not crying that much.

How to deal with it and what is wrong with me????

[Kavish]

Don't pretend it does not hurt. You lost someone very close and they were a part of your life. Stop and think what you have lost before you can go on.

[laurieb]

i am so sorry for the loss of your dad. How horrible to loss him that way. I lost my dad when I was 21 and he too wasn't the best dad. He actually traveled all over the world for his job, left us to marry someone else and when he died unexpectedly in new mexico while on a business trip at 43, I was upset but not crushed.

It took me a long time to deal with it because of the history that he created. Please give yourself some time, talk to people, get a grief counselor (if you can) and don't brush it under the rug...so to speak... It will, and does come back .. even if it is years down the road, trust me! I hope you have a faith and that your family is doing ok too. Take it slow and be kind to yourself.

Please accept my sincerest apologies for your horrible loss and I hope you keep writing.

laurie

[MartyT]

Dear Sara,

I’m so sorry to learn of your loss and the tragic circumstances surrounding the death of your dad, and I hope you’ll accept our deepest sympathy.

You don’t say how old you are, so I’m not sure if you’re a high school student or in college (you said you started school the Monday after your dad died), but I know that returning to classes so soon after this tragedy must have been very difficult for you. If you’re like most teens and young adults, you don’t want to feel different from your friends and classmates -- but having a death in the family most certainly can lead you to feel very different from your peers. Not wanting to feel singled out as “the one whose dad drowned,” you may be tempted to keep your dad’s death to yourself and avoid talking about it with anyone else. But the death of your dad is way too big a burden to be carrying all by yourself.

Does your school know what has happened to you and your family? If you haven’t already done so, you might ask your mother to help you plan what to say to your friends about all of this. If they don’t know what happened, and from your point of view, they may be responding only to false rumors and they won’t be able to offer the understanding and support that you need. It’s important that the school principal, your teacher or your school counselor know what’s going on with you, too, so they’ll be in a better position to understand your behavior and guide you to the help you need and deserve.

In the meantime, I’d like to point you to some resources that I think will be helpful to you. (You might ask your mom or another trusted relative to explore some of these resources with you.) What you are thinking and feeling in the wake of this loss can be very frightening and confusing, especially if you’ve had little or no prior experience with death in your family. Learning what normal grief looks like and feels like is important, and can help you to understand better what may be happening to you right now.

Please take some time to follow these links:

Bill of Rights for Grieving Teens, http://www.dougy.org/help/bill-of-rights

National College Students Support Network, http://www.studentsofamf.org/

Bereavement Information for Teens, http://www.hov.org/teen_grief_program.aspx

Grief Education Association’s Page for Teens, http://www.childgrief.org/teenspage.htm

Coping with an Illness or Death during College, http://studentsofamf.org/-_Coping_with_an_...ege-pid-59.html

The Healing Place: Grief Support for Children and Teens, http://www.thehealingplaceinfo.org/index.html

Helping Teenagers Cope with Grief, http://www.hospicenet.org/html/teenager.html

Loss During Young Adulthood May Make One Feel Old, http://opentohope.com/hope/dealing-with-gr...e-one-feel-old/

More Than Sad: Teen Depression, http://www.morethansad.org/

Straight Talk About Death for Teenagers (Book by Earl A. Grollman)

Teens Grief Support and Resources, http://www.griefworksbc.com/Teens.asp

Teen Grieving the Death of a Parent, http://www.selfhealingexpressions.com/copi...ers_death.shtml

[valley]

I am so sorry for the loss of your father. Our parents are such primary figures in our lives, even if they were not always there for us. He is still your dad.

My father died when I was about 21 and I was in college and working at the same time. My parents were divorced so it really was up to my brother and I to help my father out. He died from cancer, a long battle with it. I have felt guilt for not quitting college and taking better care of my father, but then he would not have wanted that for either my brother or I. He was proud of us for going to school. My dad was broke and mostly alone except for what my brother and I could do for him.

I always felt bad that my father never got to meet Tom because I didn't even know him then. And he never got to come and visit me when I we moved to Canada and built our house and had his only grandkids. I always felt bad that I was so young when my father died, as I missed seeing him from my more experienced, adult eyes.

I did love my dad. And I do remember having fun with him when I was a kid. He was a fun loving man.

Be gentle now on yourself. The fact that you are here on this site means you are infact thinking of your father and wondering about your relationship to and with him. It is great that Marty can point you in the direction of places to go for information. I would have really appreciated that when I was younger. Well, here I am, now.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

Sincerely,

Valley