This Is Just Too Painful.. How Come She Is Not Calling

[Joanne]

Hello,

Well it will be 3 weeks since I lost my mom to lung cancer this upcoming Friday. I am starting to get really annoyed that she has not called. I know this sounds strange but in the back of my head I think it just can't be true.

I live 2 hours away from where she lived and I can easily convince myself that this is not really happening however the phone is not ringing.

It hurts sooo much, what am I going to do without my best friend, my security blanket, my beautiful mother. I want her back.

Thanks for letting me vent..

Joanne

[Joanne]

I want to yell

" O.K. JOKES OVER, COME BACK NOW"

[cubby]

I know how you feel. I lost my mom in Nov. 08. I wouldn't go by my parents house, because that allowed me to pretend that it wasn't true that she wasn't really gone. It was really hard to visit with my dad because my mom wasn't there anymore. Sometimes it would be inmy mind that she was at the hospital, or sleeping in another room. Anything to avoid accepting that she was really gone. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Just know that you are not alone. We all share your pain and are going through the same feelings. Hang in there and take care of yourself.

Cubby

[PaulaB.]

Hi Joanne,

I hear and feel your pain. When I lost my fiance Tom three months ago to cancer, I didn't want to believe that he was gone either. I kept thinking he was just going to walk in the room and I would hear his voice and see his smile. I used to read to him every day before he passed so, I just continued to do that. I would sit in my spot on the couch next to "him" and I would read out loud as I had always done. It helped me a lot to get through some of my rough spots. I still talk to him out loud and sometimes silently and I truly believe that he hears me. Your Mom hears you, too. Just talk to her. She may answer you in ways that you may not understand right now, but in time you will. And she will always be with you because she is in your heart and you are in hers. I have a long way to go with my grief for Tom and you are just beginning yours for the loss of your Mom. There are many hills and valleys in grief and everyone here at this site has given me a lot of strength. I hope that you have a good support group either through family, friends, maybe a church, maybe work. Keep writing; it will help you. (((HUGS))) Paula

[kayc]

This is one of the hardest things one can go through...the adjustment to living with the gulf that now resides between us. It has always helped me to know that this gulf is but temporary and one day we will be reunited. It is hard to "do life" without them being a part of our everydayness. Yes, I can relate to what you are saying, I was exceptionally close to my mother in law and when she died, this is how I felt, for "before" we used to get together for dinner and play cards about three times a week, and we'd talk on the phone an average of three times a day...it was her I asked questions of like what to do with a colicky baby or how to get a stain out of the carpet. It was her that taught me how to make unfailingly great pie crust or the family's Italian Spaghetti Sauce Recipe. It was her that I shared my heart with and her I could turn to. How do you replace someone like that? She was always there, remembering everyone's anniversary or special days with her wonderful cooking and baking, the most thoughtful person I ever knew. The answer is, you don't replace them. It would take a myriad of people to fill their role and even then it wouldn't replace them. You remember them. You keep them deep in your heart and you use them as a role model in life, and you count yourself lucky for having had them. You cry for your loss and you go on because you know that's what they'd want and tell you to do. Each year that goes by you get a little more accustomed to this new lot in life, but you never forget and you never stop missing them...that is the huge place they carved for themselves out of what used to be your heart.

[Korina]

My husband should be sitting in his spot on the couch every time I walk through the door, and I should be saying, "I'm home!"

Korina

[Joanne]

Cubby,

Thanks for sharing, I am really sorry about your loss.

Joanne

[Joanne]

Paula,

I am sorry to hear about Tom.

I do have a good support group. I just don't want to bring everybody around me down. I do want to believe that she is with me.

Sending strength your way Paula, thank you for sharing.