More Tears Today

[emptyinside]

My mom called to see what I was eating for lunch. I broke down from that. My dad always asked after me like that; it's even a little bit of a joke between us (I often skip lunch). That little thing and my day went downhill. ;( Crying all over again, can't believe he's not here anymore, realizing that I'll never hear my phone ring with his voice on the other end asking me what I ate. Hit me like a ton of bricks again.

How can it not be in reality anymore when my memories are so real?

I feel sick. This isn't who I am. I don't know who I am now. I'm so lost.

[mlg]

Just breathe and give yourself some time.

[Korina]

The last 2 days have been very hard for me. Last night, my sobs completely plugged my nose so I had to breathe through my mouth for a while. At least the practicality helped me stop crying and go to sleep.... This evening, I simply had to get out of the house and visit my friends at their restaurant; otherwise, I could feel I would just mope and get worse.

Korina

[Boo Mayhew]

Em, we struggle with the reality issue for a long time. I find that hardest (after the guilt demon) and every now and again it hits you so hard that it can bring you to your knees. I'm sorry that you have a tsunami of grief right now instead of calmer waters. You will navigate back to the ripples and smaller waves again ... please believe that my young friend. I wish you didn't have to suffer this - it does not seem right or fair at your age, it really doesn't. HUGS hon xsxxxxx

[JamesI]

My mom called to see what I was eating for lunch. I broke down from that. My dad always asked after me like that; it's even a little bit of a joke between us (I often skip lunch). That little thing and my day went downhill. ;( Crying all over again, can't believe he's not here anymore, realizing that I'll never hear my phone ring with his voice on the other end asking me what I ate. Hit me like a ton of bricks again.

How can it not be in reality anymore when my memories are so real?

I feel sick. This isn't who I am. I don't know who I am now. I'm so lost.

Dear Em:

I am so sorry and I know what you mean. It happened to me today. I was doing fine for a few days and I started thinking about our last vacation (my mother and I) and the reality has hit me that she will not be with me anymore and it hurts so bad. I've been crying all day. I went to the post office and just could not stop crying,although, I did let up while I was inside. Then I went to the bank and continued crying. Stopped for awhile and cried on and off for the rest of the day.

It's just one of those days again.

I cherish the memories,but,as you said,the memories are so real and then the reality is so real too.

Hope you feel better.

Hope I feel better too.

Be well and let me know how you're doing when you're up to it.

take care,

James

[jrm]

Let the tears flow anytime anywhere that's my motto. I no longer get embarrassed when I cry in public. I just wipe my eyes and realize it's a memory I've just thought about and then I smile.

[kath]

Dear Em,

It sounds like you are in a growth spurt. They are difficult to say the least but you will come out stronger in the end. Hang in there. You will be okay. You are among people that know what it is like and care what is happening to you. Walk gently for now.

Love,

kath