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A Month Tomorrow


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It will be a month tomorrow since my husband passed. I'm still waiting for him to walk in the door from a trip or visit to his kids. I had to get some paperwork from the storage shed today. I opened the door and there was all of his stored winter clothing. Clothing he will never wear again, clothes that remind me of how much I've lost. Clothes that make me hurt so badly I can't breathe.

When I married him it was terrible, he had no idea how to dress. He always said I was the best thing that ever happened to him because I knew how to choose clothes that made him look good. It was true. I took great pride in the fact that when we went out, my husband looked good. It seems silly now. He could wear whatever he wanted, if I could have him back.

I am lost. I'm glad I have group on Monday night. I just have to hold on until then. I know it will help. This pain is going to consume me.

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Hi Steely,

The first few months of grieving are the worst, but it will get easier. I still cry after 15 months but for a shorter period of time.I guess I am in the acceptance stage. I'm not happy that I have to go on without my husband but I can't change it so I wake up each morning put on my face and go out into the world.

Grieving can't be rushed. I had to learn to be patient with myself and take one day at a time and don't look to far into the future.

Take care.

Mary Lou

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I understand. The month date was just so very difficult. I couldn't believe that I had lived a month without Brian. Hold on to those memories and to your love. When I read your words, I can feel the depth of your love. How beautiful it is to read that he thought you were the best thing that happened to him . . . Brian used to say that to me also. I guess it is true that when love is so great and so deep, the loss will be just as deep and so very painful. Honor all the emotions you are feeling. Be very gentle on yourself. This loss is new and the trauma is great. I'm here to listen whenever you need me. Hugs from Pennsylvania.

Peace, love, and blessings,

Linda

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Hi Steely!

I understand how you are feeling. There are going to be alot of "firsts". I have only had a few. I'm going to be honest, they are really hard but my memories get me through them. I still cry and scream when I have to. I have a wonderful support group in my family and friends and they help me alot. I did something the other day that really helped me.

You may think I am crazy but it made me feel so very close to Pat. The other day I bought some balloons, one said "I Miss You" and the other said "Your Special". I went to the cemetery and sat by the grave and let the balloons go until I couldn't see them anymore. I decided that on Christmas, birthday and anniversary I am going to do that.

You need to be gentle with yourself and just remember how special your love was. It will help you get through it. Just remember if you need to talk we are always here to listen.

Take care,

Kat

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My Dear Steely...Don't let this pain consume you...I totally understand...It is so difficult to look at their clothes...It will be a long time before I'm ready to let go of Bob's clothes...I just cried so loud today when I thought the longest we have ever been apart was when he was training for an insurance job....9 weeks.......and that seemed so long to me...I too think he is going to come in from a long trip and now never will I see him again until Heaven and I lose it with this type of thinking;..It hurts to think and it hurts not to think...I'm so glad that you have the support group meetings...It sure doesn't get easier but with God you can eventually get thru this...He will see you through...and I'm talking to myself in this too....Bless you, I will pray for you...Rochel

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Steely:

I know how hard this day will be for you. I don't even remember the one month anniversary, probably because I was so focused on the date 2 weeks later - our wedding anniversary that should have been our 10th. It was at that time that I found this forum. I poured it all out here, and then planned that day very carefully, as I knew if I was alone, it would be the longest day of my life. And the day turned out as well as I could have expected. I spent time with friends, worked out, and went to dinner with our very close surrogate parents. I tried to keep myself somewhat busy, plus celebrate the love of my life. I like to believe he helped me through that day. And since then, I have bought a butterfly candleholder, and light a candle for him on special occasions. Scott loved both candles and butterflies.

Remember, one moment at a time. We are here for you.

Hugs,

Korina

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I understand. Go ahead and cry, scream, yell, throw something that you don't want, beat a pillow, write a letter to your husband. Do whatever you need to do to release those emotions. It is hard. It hurts really bad. I wish I had words which would erase your pain. I wish we didn't have to walk this grief journey. Remember to be gentle with youreslf. Remember that your loss is so fresh and so new. We are here to offer you love, compassion, and support. We all walk this path together. Hugs from Pa.

Peace, love, and blessings,

Linda

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