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Yesterday was a pretty difficult day. There was a "Celebration of Life" given by the Hospice that treated

Pat. I wasn't sure if I would be able to attend. Although it has been 4 1/2 months I still have my moments. I did go with a very good friend and my husband's youngest brother. There were tears, of course, but I am glad I went. The program honored each person in a very special way. It actually made me feel good for a change. Then I had to go home and all the lonliness and why me's came flooding back. I do feel like I am doing a little bit better but I still miss him terribly. He was a person so full of life and always had a joke to tell. I miss the laughter and the hugs. I know my memories will make me smile instead of cry one day. I know I have to be patient with myself but I am still so angry that we will not have the life that we planned. He gave me such a precious gift, my son. He is now my rock and the reason that I know I have to make it through this journey that I am on. I know I "will be okay" one day, I just don't know when. Thanks for listening!

Kat

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Oh, Kat, I'm here to listen any time . . . I understand. Everything you miss about Pat, I miss about Brian. We will walk through these shadows together, my friend. I wish it could be different. I wish we could both continue to be with our beloveds. I wish life didn't have to seem so deeply unfair. All we can do is work through the emotions when they come and honor the feelings in the hope that they will help us to heal our deeply broken hearts. Be gentle with yourself. The sadness you feel is a result of losing a love which was great. Hugs to you.

Peace, love, and blessings,

Linda

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Kat:

Boy, do I understand the meaning of mixed emotions. One moment I can be laughing, and even smiling about things Scott said or did, and the next moment feeling the tears welling up. Or laughing and giggling with our daughter, just enjoying her cuteness, and at the same time feeling heartbroken because I cannot say, "Scott, come here and look at the girl - she is adorable!"

We are all working on it...

Korina

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Dear Kat,

I feel your pain and sadness...days like you had are the pits...I know how much you miss Pat..as I miss my Bob...We are all on the same page on this site...so we can say "Dear Friend, I know how you feel"..I keep reading all the grief books I can get my hands on to find out some way of feeling better...but the feeling better just does not happen...I think we have to go through all this pain for some reason and maybe someday we will know...I read this in an email from a site that Lindakoz told me about and it brought some peace of mind..."I hope that it helps you for the day..."Rochel...Bless you Kat....

"Knowing the Lord and His comfort does not take away the ache; instead, it supports you in the middle of the ache. Until I get home to heaven, there's going to be an ache that won't quit. The grieving process for me is not so much a matter of getting rid of the pain, but not being controlled by the pain."

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I agree with Kat especially on the coming home to an empty house part. I'm coming up on my third month and it seems the grieving is more intense than ever. The loneliness is almost overwhelming but at the same time I don't feel like being around anyone. I don't know what the answer is at this time or even if there is one. This is about the only place I can come and feel a little bit of relief. Thanks to all of you.

Ted

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Dear Kat,

I feel your pain and sadness...days like you had are the pits...I know how much you miss Pat..as I miss my Bob...We are all on the same page on this site...so we can say "Dear Friend, I know how you feel"..I keep reading all the grief books I can get my hands on to find out some way of feeling better...but the feeling better just does not happen...I think we have to go through all this pain for some reason and maybe someday we will know...I read this in an email from a site that Lindakoz told me about and it brought some peace of mind..."I hope that it helps you for the day..."Rochel...Bless you Kat....

"Knowing the Lord and His comfort does not take away the ache; instead, it supports you in the middle of the ache. Until I get home to heaven, there's going to be an ache that won't quit. The grieving process for me is not so much a matter of getting rid of the pain, but not being controlled by the pain."

Rochel, that is such a great quote about knowing the Lord and His comfort.

Ted

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Rochel

Thank you so much for that quote. I am printing it out and putting it on my desk at work so I can read it whenever I need to. Pat and I met at work and worked together until he got sick. It brings me comfort when I read it and I really needed it today. It's not a good day.

Again, thanks and take care,

Kat

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I totally agree with you..this is the only place I feel comfortable...Don't tell me at gets worse...I don't know how I could feel worse than this...this house is just plain weird and lonely...I keep trying to change the color schemes and what it really needs is my husband...Sorry you miss Adrianne so much...At least it is getting cooler in AZ...and at this same time I'm listening to Blue Skys Blues...*I just put it on my ipod...I cannot stand to be around very many people, but I do like Praxis...a church I found in Tempe...good music and good messages...upbeat and sort of edgy...Well Ted, another weekend...I will pray for all of us...we sure have a lot of company here....Rochel

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Rochel:

It seems to me that with time, my pain has not necessarily worsened. It has just morphed and changed. While not necessarily better or worse, it does seem to be easier to cope with, and not as exhausting. Maybe that is just because the pain is becoming more of my being? I don't know.

Hugs,

Korina

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