Can't Park Your Grief

[Rochel]

A Friend was asking me for months to come to her house for a visit...I don't know if this has happened to any of you...when I got there grief hit me like a ton of bricks and I wished I was home crying my eyes out...she understood but I was so "not" fun and I couldn't shake the heaviness...She talked I listened the best I could but I couldn't communicate because I was in sorrow again..yesterday was better today NOT...You never know when it is going to hit you and what kind of mood it puts you in...why must we be at the mercy of this crappy grief...???I just want to live again and forget my pain...what are all of you doing when it hits???and here comes another weekend...!!!Love to you all...Rochel...sorry to be such a downer...they say that misery loves company

[mrspapajohn]

Rochel - - You are so right when you say that grief does not conform to your schedule. It can hit at absolutely any time. Whe I get like you were, I cancel plans and stay home, or if I'm already there, I say, "Sorry, I need to be alone right now." Then, I go home and cry. Your real friends will understand. One thing that I've learned, postponing emotions just makes them worse. It has gotten better over the months and continues to improve. These "episodes" are becoming less frequent, and I am in more outward control when they do hit. I wish you strength and peace.

Kathy

[furkid]

I definately agree with what you said. Sometimes it just hits you like a ton of bricks. I was at a folk music weekend and a moment hit me, and technically, it started as a happy thought. I was really enjoying some music and all of a sudden I thought I wish Randy were here to enjoy this with me. I spent the next 45 minutes trying to keep it under control, but knew I wasn't totally successful at it. I once looked in the mirror recently, after getting upset about something else at work, and I thought, "Boy I'm really ugly when I cry."

I've always gone to tears way too easily compared to most people. It's a family curse. But I never really looked at myself in the mirror like that before. It didn't help at all, other than I felt sorry for people who look at me when I'm like that.

I know it gets old, but one day at a time.

PK

[Maryo]

Hi everyone. I justed wanted to share something. The first 9 months after my husband died when I looked in the mirror I hardly recognized myself. I have a picture on the fridge of my daughter and me smiling in happier times. I kept on wishing I could get back to that person.It's been 15 months now and I am a changed person. I will always miss my husband, and I sometimes have to run to my car to cry but I can see me again in the mirror most days and it feels good. One day the pain will be a little less. Grief has its own timetable and it can't be rushed.

Take care.

Mary Lou

[Rochel]

Thank you for your replys...I like the part that grief has its own timetable...wow is that true...ane shows no mercy...I think thst I have been going to bed too late...and not getting enough sleep...it takes so much out of your to cry a lot of the time...I like this having more outward control over this thing called "grief"...It is very difficult to explain what grief is all about to your friends, but somehow they understand...Next time, I will just cancel the plan and stay home...If you all want to see something very heart warming watch this video....and be blessed...

[LindaKoz]

Hi Rochel,

We all handle our grief differently. I'm usually good with staying with my friends and just having a good cry -- many of them cry right along with me. But, if you feel the need to return home, then that is what you have to do. Last night I attended a grief support group for the first time. I was given a little card entitled the "Mourner's Bill of Rights." The first item listed is "You havet he right to experience your own unique grief." Number five is "You have the right to experience 'griefburst'." We do the best we can. We have to honor the feelings and emotions as they come to us. And, only those who have experienced such as deep loss as ours is truly able to be empathetic. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers always. We share this journey and we will walk it together. Hugs from Pa.

Peace, love, and blessings,

Linda

[Korina]

For me, when it hits in public, I sometimes take a deep breath, and wait until I am alone to let the tears come. Or my eyes water, or I do let the tears fall. It just depends. I do, however, save my real outbursts for alone time. Sometimes, with friends or family, I let the tears come, but they are not the uncontrollable kind, just the sad ones that roll down your face. The cats are usually the only ones privy to the uncontrollable sobs.

Grief sure does have its own mind!

Korina

[Rochel]

Hi Korina,

It looks like the whole family here has been up all night..good to hear your voice again...We all missed you...Yes, my Abbey (cocker spaniel) is the only one that hears the sobs...Do you nuzzle your nose in your kittys fur???...How is your sweet little girl..???You have the best day that you can have...Maybe we should all have a contest on who can have the best day...haha...who am I trying to kid...but I will try...It seems we have to make a conscious effort to do so...Bless you,Rochel

[Korina]

Pootie circles me and head butts me and purrs when I am in a state. Bandit just likes to sleep with me at nighttime. Both are extremely comforting. And little Kailyn just got her first tooth last Monday (very exciting!). I am expecting her to take her first steps quite soon.

With my family gone home, now, there is a heavier sadness in my heart. My sister-in-law called last night to make sure I was okay. I am very lucky to have such great people in my life - just wish I still had Scott sitting beside me.

Korina