How I Miss My Big Brother.

[HannahLovesHerBigBrother]

Hi Everyone,

My name is Hannah. I am thirteen years old and lost my beloved eighteen year old brother Chad in a car accident on September 4th, 2009.

I have three siblings and I love them all very much, but as far as my memory can take me back Chad was always my "favorite". (Favorites are bad, I know, but I'm the youngest.. haha) In 7th grade; last year, there were countless essays revolving around the same topic, "who do you admire and why?" Time and time again, I picked Chad. Holly (my 20 year old sister) & Travis (my 17 year old brother) were caught up with there own friends, problems, and etc as well as Chad... but he was the one to take a break from those types of things and listen to me. Being five years older than me, that meant the world to me and always will. I dont know how he did it, but he always knew the right things to say. Those talks are very precious to me now. ♥ Or even if he was the one to go on his own myspace or facebook account and expalin to me where he was in this picture or who this person was. Or the times we'd go off driving in the car together and he'd always rap the songs to me. (: I remember lots of things... and then I don't. Everything pretty much hurts at the moment, but I'm fighting for you Chaddybear. I miss him so much, my heart aches constanly, day in, day out. It furiates me at times to know he wont be here, for my little special things like licenses, proms, or even his own special things, but I know he's up there with God, watching me. I KNOW he's with God.. that's just no where I want him to be. He was freaking eighteen years old. It does not make sense to me. He was becoming such a good young man and his life gone. How he wanted to be a father and have kids. It kills to know he won't have these things. It's been barley three months and I am so hurt and upset. How can I go through the rest of my life without my brother pyschically here? Another problem now is that I don't feel like I fit in with my age group anymore. I am thirteen almost about to be fourteen and in the eight grade. I've always been mature, but now it's just to an extent where I'm pretty much off in my own land. My classmates are so stupid and furiates me that they spend time goes, "I GOT A STAIN ON MY SHIRT! IM GONNA GO CRY IN THE BATHROOM!" They look at me for an approval of some sort I guess as if to say, "OMG! Thats horrible," But I just dont care... and it's just plain old stupid to be honest. That us kids focus on stupid things. No thirteen year old in my school can relate to me. Everyday is such a struggle even doing the slightest things take so much energy. This family of his, misses him so so so much. Words can't even being to explain the... whirl wind of emotions that run through out our house. It's so hard at the moment, just everything is. I love you so so so much Chad!!! <3 My big brother always! Nothing i'm writing right now even comes close to how much I love you and always will. You always took the time out of your day to talk to me and in return I could ask you the stupidest things. You mean the world to me. Eighteen years of wonder and love you gave to the world Chad. A sixteen year old boy came crying up to my mother at my brother's wake saying how Chad would stand up for him when he would get bullied in shop, another how Chad took the time out of two weeks where he could be doing what ever he wanted to, but taught him how to through sliders and curve balls, etc, to make the varsity basketball team. Chad was popular. Now a day when we think popular we think snobby snuck up kids self centered and so forth.. but not Chad. I know loved ones tend to make there loved ones seems perfect, but Chad was popular and with a graduating class of 400 and something students he knew everyones name and never acted like he was better than anyone. And the details about his accident hurt too for we know not why he swerved and his car rolled over into a ditch with his girlfriend who survived. Please help or give advice.

PS.

It is also hard to be a thirteen year old girl going through this.

Adolescence all. It's hard to be around a family like this.. all broken.

It's hard to see my parents like this and be in a household where the only sibling

you talked to and loved very much is no longer there. Please help!!!

Please Read: http://www.1stresponder.com/webpages/news/DisplayNews.aspx?PT=state&state=MA&ID=ccad3995-3575-472e-ac0d-5f8caed48f1d

Please Watch:

[HannahLovesHerBigBrother]

The picture is of my brother Chad and his girlfriend.

[kath]

Dear Hannah,

Let me first say how very sorry I am for the loss of your brother. Chad sounds like the kind of guy everyone would want to hang with. Some people are in our lives for only a short time. The lessons they teach us leave permanent imprints on our souls. How wonderful that he could touch so many people. How sad that he was taken so early. I'm happy to know that you are certain he is in heaven. Hold that thought, my dear, because it reminds us that we will see them again.

The same kind of petty things you see with your friends, I see the same reaction in my daughter. She'll be thirteen next month and her dad died two and a half years ago. It changes you. While it is still very early for you, I've seen her transform into this very kind, empathetic person that knows and appreciates the important things in life. She doesn't have a lot of time for the little things that wrap people up, the games her friends play, or worrying about who said what to who, but she has a heart of gold and is the first to reach out when someone is hurt.

One thing we have learned, after the sadness and brokenness starts to wear off, is that our loved ones are always with us, even though we can't physically be with them right now. Their words, their smell, the way they walked, talked, thought, smiled, laughed, never leave our hearts. Carry Chad with you and know that to be loved by someone so special is an amazing thing. I hate that you have to go through this. Be kind to yourself, take time to cry, write, listen to music, and find someone you can talk to. Your other family members are broken, too. It is a horrible bond, but they do understand what you are going through.

I don't very often come to this forum, so I didn't see your post until today. You remind me of my neice who lost her brother last year. They were only three years apart and the pain is so very great for her, too. Keep reaching out, Hannah. Do you have a good relationship with Chad's girlfriend or a counselor at school? Death freaks people out and they don't know how to deal with it or help. So, they ignore it and hope it will go away and you will be back to normal. All of us here understand that normal has changed dramatically. You need to talk about him. That is what is normal.

Take care of yourself and come back and talk to us if you need to. We'll help any way we can.

Love,

Kath

[MartyT]

Oh my dear Hannah, I'm so, so sorry! Like Kath, I did not see your post until just now. (Thank you so much, Kath, for paying close attention to this forum!) Unfortunately that happens sometimes, but thanks to the wonderful, compassionate and caring members of our Grief Healing family, we rarely let anyone fall through the cracks like this. Please accept my apology, won't you?

I am so very sorry for your loss, dear Hannah, and I simply cannot imagine the depth of your pain. Obviously your brother meant the world to you, and there simply are no words to describe what this must feel like to you. I cannot add much to what Kath has said to you already, but I want to point you to another post that I hope will speak to you as well. Please see my response to Sara in the thread entitled Am I Crazy? http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?showtopic=4288&view=findpost&p=33352

I'm also attaching an article for your parents, entitled Returning to School after a Death. I'd like for you to download and print it out and give it to your mom to read, as I think it will be helpful to all of you.

Please know that we are thinking of you, Hannah, sending you our deepest sympathy, and holding you in our hearts at this sad and challenging time. Know, too, that you are always welcome here. And I promise we won't let your posts go unnoticed again

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

Returning to School After a Death.doc

[caroline623]

Dear Hannah,

Your story is one that I can truely understand. My brother died in February of 2009 in a car accident at the age of 18. I was 16 and he was my only sibling. Your relationship with your brother Chad was just like the one I had with my brother and can be described as a beautiful and special friendship. A relationship that can never be replaced, not my friends or even other siblings. It is so hard to see your world come crashing down before your eyes. It is the most painful and scary thing in the world, and only people who have been through it can truely understand. My brother Jimmy was my favorite person in the whole world. Though we fought at times, the special times we spent together could never be replaced. Jimmy used to rap to me in his car too. In the beginning it's all such a blur. So many people are there saying they will be there for you and want to help you, even though all you want is to be left alone. At least thats how I felt. Then when I finally wanted to open up and talk about my loss, it was hard to find anyone to listen or who could comfort me. The person who I had gone to for advice and comfort was the one person who couldn't be there for me, my brother. Everyone was telling me to "be strong", what does that even mean? People would also say, "I could never be as strong as you are, I don't know how you do it", I was being strong because I had no other choice. I'm sure you can relate in ways. Everyone was also comforting my brother's girlfriend and parents yet no one was there for me. Why is it that the siblings are overlooked?

Your loss is so terrible and my heart goes out to you. You were way too young to go through losing your brother and your brother was way too young to lose his life. You deserved to have that special bond throughout your entire life. I don't understand why God takes the best souls and leaves behind kids who are going nowhere in life. I guess it's because God has much bigger plans for people as special as Chad and Jimmy. Who knows, maybe they even met each other in heaven. It is so hard to find comfort in anything, especially when you think about the idea of life without your big brother. It scares me everyday. Be open to the little signs that your brother may give you though, when you least expect it some song may come on the radio or you will see something that reminds them of you. I get these signs every once in a while, I think they are the little ways that my brother is trying to tell me that he's in heaven and he's missing me too. In a way I think that dreams are the way they get to communicate with us and they are the best because it is the closest you can get to seeing and talking to your brother.

About the kids in your grade, ignore their ignorance. I can tell by the way you write that you are so incredibly mature. The ignorance will follow you wherever you go, because no matter what age people are, they can't understand the immense pain of losing a loved one so they say stupid things. Though nothing good can ever come of a situation like this, it will change you into a person who can see past life's little frustrations and see what truely matters in life. It's gonna save you from a lot of stupid high school drama. Make sure you can find a friend or someone to talk to about this. Someone who you can talk to whenever you are sad, because its a roller coaster of emotions. Most of all though, memories are painful, but dont ever try to push them in the back of your mind or forget about them. They may make you sad, but if you push them away, you may lose some of the best memories and that would be a terrible thing. Hold on to Chad's memory and hold him in your heart forever, he's your guardian angel now and will help you in little ways in the future.

I'm sorry I wrote such a long message, I don't mean to be a creeper. I just believe that after all you have been through you deserve to know that there is someone out there who truely wants to help you.

Sincerely,

Caroline