derby Posted November 14, 2009 Report Share Posted November 14, 2009 Evidently the shock is wearing off for me as this has been the worst I had felt since my husband died. I just can't begin to explain how much it hurts today. As I read through my journal today, I was surprised at how well I seemed to be coping those early weeks. Not the case at the present. My chest hurts from crying so much, my eyes burn, my heart is breaking. This process and or journey, is awfully hard work for us. One step forward, many back. Not really digging this dance at all. I think I prefer shock. It was as safe as safe could be. But I suppose this part of our journey is a neccessity. I'll keep telling myself that. It's unusual for my glass to be "half empty". Just don't feel like being grateful at the moment. Thanks for letting me vent. Blessings, Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryo Posted November 15, 2009 Report Share Posted November 15, 2009 Hi Debbie, There are many stages of grief and shock is one of them.We have to go through each one to make us a whole person again. I wish it could be easier and would not take as long but it is not to be.I pray that you will have a better day tomorrow. Take care. Mary Lou Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrspapajohn Posted November 15, 2009 Report Share Posted November 15, 2009 Debbie - - Vent all you want. That is what we are here for. My husband has been gone for 10 months and there are still days when all I do is cry. Take care of yourself. There are many on this sad journey with you. Kathy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindaKoz Posted November 15, 2009 Report Share Posted November 15, 2009 Hi Debbie, I'm sorry it has been such a sad day. I pray that you find a bit of peace to ease your mind, your heart, and your soul. This is the most difficult road to walk and there are many times that I also want to be on a different path, a different journey. Sadly, that is not possible. Be gentle on yourself. It's still so very early and your pain is fresh. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you. Hugs from Berks County. Love, peace, and blessings, Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucia Abeytia Posted November 15, 2009 Report Share Posted November 15, 2009 Hi Debbie, I know how you feel today has been a very sad day for me as well, maybe with Gods help tomorrow will be better for us...my prayer and thoughts are with you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azusaman Posted November 15, 2009 Report Share Posted November 15, 2009 Debbie, I can sympathize with you on your feelings right now. In a couple of days it will be 3 months since I lost Adrianne and these past few weeks have been the worse. I agree that first month was "shock mode" and it did feel more comfortable. I don't what the next month is going to bring but we have no choice but to go through it. Thanks for letting me vent with you. Ted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
derby Posted November 15, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 15, 2009 Very hard week-end for many of us. I wish for comfort for all of us. Keep telling myself it will get better. I can't tell you all how much each and everyone of your replies, thoughts, prayers, and blessings help me. It is so nice to have a place, a safe place where no one expects me to smile or be brave. Or to be "doing good". Wish I could just wake up and be through this very sad, confusing, lonely time in my life. Blessings my friends. Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanneC Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 Debbie: I lost Alex a 1 1/2 years ago. I know that's still fairly recent, but as time went on it was definitely getting easier. Every once and a while I go through a bad day or so. I have noticed these past few weeks that I have been having a hard time of it. I don't know if it is because of the holiday coming up or what. I am not only grieving his death, but also the 5 months that he spent in the hospital. In fact, remembering the time he spent in the hospital is harder to deal with than his actual death. That is what I am going through now. All of a sudden I am reliving different events of his stay in the hospital. Sometimes I think that if he had died instantly it would be easier. But then I feel I spent time with him for those 5 months. I cry all the time, which I haven't done in quite a while. So Debbie, what you are going through is part of the grieving process. I do agree that this process is very hard for us. I never knew how hard. I try to explain to my friends that are not going through this and they just don't understand. I very rarely talk about what I am going through to them. They must think I am fine. The only ones that do know are all of you here. So remember Debbie, we know what you are going through and what I can suggest that does help me is to keep busy. If I am idle, I tend to think quite a bit and it is as if I am in a trance. I sought of have to snap myself out of it. If I don't I will never heal. That is really what we all want is to heal and to try at least to live our lives in peace. Love and God Bless, Jeanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted November 18, 2009 Report Share Posted November 18, 2009 Venting on this forum got me through many difficult days. Hugs, Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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