3 Months Today

[laurieb]

Hi Ted,

my gosh 3 months, are we suppose to be normal? and its the holidays. I would strongly share that grief counseling is such a blessing, grief support groups are also a blessing for me. No one can make a decision for medication but you and hopefully your well trusted and well respected physician. I do agree that if the outside world thinks we all need drugs because we are sad! that is sad! How are we suppose to feel? How much time do we get before we are judged or moreover judge ourselves? Ted, please be kind to yourself, take it slow, allow yourself to cry and grieve and be sad. It's ok, and you're ok. I have found that journaling to Scott also helps me. I actually write to him and just share how much I love him and miss him and although I cry hard, I do feel a bit better. I do NOT want to be numb from this . I want to heal from this, grow from this and find myself again. I want to honor the love we had for so long and survive this and find out what God wants me to do next. Ted, some days this is just so hard. We are all climbing that high mountain that is near to impossible but remember with God, all things are possible.

I am so sorry for your pain Ted but it is a tribute to the love you had for your wife and who you are. dont run from that or hide that as if it is something to be ashamed of.

You are not alone

laurie

[Korina]

Laurie:

Your response reaffirmed and reminded me of several things - thank you!

Ted:

I so recognize your situation regarding a liver transplant. The only way I got through the night I received the call Scott had been moved to ICU (I couldn't get there until the next morning as it was a ferry ride away, in a hospital close to the treatment centre) was my plan to donate part of my liver (we were compatible). I had even planned out how I would try and pump breast milk for our daughter while recovering from surgery. As it turned out, he died from an infection, not specifically his liver. I don't know why I didn't ask the doctor about a transplant as soon as I saw him, but my head was not thinking. The next day, when he was on life support, and it was essentially too late, I did ask and got that 6 month recital, blah blah blah. But I don't hold it against them because I think it was too late, anyhow. Sigh..... I still have questions I am going to ask his doctor here in town.

Anyhow, take care of yourself.

Korina

[azusaman]

Your right Korina, from everything I can tell, Adrianne was never going to make it out of the hospital alive. It would have taken too long even to get on the list and then there is the wait to find a match and the disease was so advanced. I guess just being told she wasn't eligible struck me the wrong way. The doctors at the hospital did all they could and deserve credit for that. This country has the best health care system in the world. Not perfect, just the best. Maybe not for long though...ooops, I'm getting political.

Best,

Ted

[azusaman]

Rochel, that is kind of the problem I find with the group I went to a few times. Older folks but nice and sincere. I guess I still don't consider myself old even though I'm 66. You know the old "you're only as old as you feel" quote. Anyway, thanks for the tips on the books....and the weather is great. By the way, that's a great picture of you and your husband. Hawaii?

Ted

[azusaman]

Laurie, Thank you for telling me to take it slow. I am not a very patient man so I need to hear that and also that it is journey and there is no way around that. Today feels better for me so I think I'll enjoy it.

Best,

Ted

[LindaKoz]

Hi Tim,

Thanks for sharing the term "bashert" and the meaning. I love the sentiment. That's who Brian was for me, also. I waited until I was 44 and Brian waited until he was 49 (almost 50) to meet each other. But we knew that we were destined to be together. We just had to wait until the right time and the right place. Although we only shared 3 1/2 years, we touched each other's souls in ways they had never been touched before. Our relationship was filled with joy and delight. Our love continued to grow and blossom each day. This is why I am so devastated. But if I had a chance to do it all over again knowing that he would be taken away so quickly, I would not hesitate to say, yes. I am a better person for knowing him. I now understand what love really means. I'll miss him for the rest of my life but I know that we will be reunited. I know he will be waiting for me with open arms and then we will spend eternity together. That's the hope that allows me to go on.

Peace, love, and blessings,

Linda