One Step Forward....two Steps Back

[Kat2005]

I dont' know what is wrong today. I really thought I was doing good but then all of sudden this afternoon the waterworks started. I couldn't stop. I have no idea what triggered them. I actually sobbed all the way home from work. I am really getting good at driving while I am crying. I can't stop thinking about Pat. My heart feels heavy and I feel so lost without him. It may have something to do with the holidays, I don't know. It seems you can't get away from them. Christmas decorations were in the stores before Halloween....that is crazy! All I know is that I would give anything to have him back. When he died a part of me died with him. He was everything to me. I just want to know "why".

Thanks for listening. I just needed someone to listen to me ramble on.

Kat

[derby]

My heart goes out to you tonight as you shared your day with us. Some days, out of nowhere, it knocks us on our knees and the ache in our hearts is so intense. My thoughts and prayers for comfort as you walk through this journey. Blessings, Debbie

[LindaKoz]

Hi Kat,

I'm right here with you. I, too, have gotten really good at driving when I'm crying -- even on major highways which is a bit crazy. Wish I could say something that would help but all I can offer is my love, support, and an ear to listen because we are walking this path together, my friend. The holidays are going to be so difficult. I've planned for Thanksgiving but don't even want to think about Christmas yet. I understand when you say that you want your Pat back . . . that has become my mantra. Some days I repeat over and over to Brian -- I just want you back.

I will listen whenever you need me to. I wish that you didn't have to walk through these shadows . . . and I wish that I didn't have to. Lean on me and I'll lean on you. I understand. Hugs from Pa.

Peace, love, and blessings,

Linda

[azusaman]

Yeah, yesterday was the hardest day I've had so far.(3 mos.) I stayed on this site most of the day and my computer screen with everyone's posts and replies was my counselor for the day.

Ted

[kayc]

We're here listening, Kat. It's going to happen from time to time, when you least expect it...it's just part of it. (((hugs)))

[Korina]

Grief sure knows how to smack us in the guts, huh? Right now, I am feeling it from my throat to my belly button. Kind of weird. I miss him so much. Like we all miss that special person. But now I have come to expect these moments, the better days and then the other kind. The truth of the matter is that we really have no choice but to get through these moments, to survive, and hopefully have a positive impact on the world in the long run, knowing that one day, we will be reunited with the one gone before us. And the tears we have now are not a bad thing (I, too, am becoming quite the crier while driving!).

Korina