Proof Positive

[steely]

The day that I have been dreading has arrived, I received Harold's remains yesterday. The finality has hit home and now I can't trick myself into believing he'll be back. He is back and I'm alone. I don't know how to do this. Everything is so vague, it's your own path and you have to handle it your way, what do I do with that? How do I make sense out of this? I'm so tired. I miss him so much. How do I go on?

[LindaKoz]

Hi Steely,

Remember, baby steps. Don't try to look too far into the future because it will be overwhelming. Take life moment by moment, hour by hour, or day by day -- whatever you can manage. Honor all of the emotions you are experiencing. When you need to cry, cry. When you need to yell, yell. Each of our grief journeys are unique as each of our loves were unique. Do what you need to do. What I have recently discovered is that I know when the overwhelming emotions come to the surface I will cry or scream but then I will get through it. Before I used to think that I would not be able to make it. This doesn't mean it is any easier and it doesn't mean I miss Brian any less, it just means that I am learning from my own experiences. I see a Pastoral Counselor every other week and began attending a grief support group. And, I totally rely on God and my good friends to hold me up.

I wish that I could take away your pain. I wish that I could take away all of our pains. What I can offer is an ear to listen, lots of prayers, and hugs from afar. Take good care of yourself, Steely. We are all here on this journey with you.

Peace, love, and blessings,

Linda

[Rochel]

Hi Steely,

Your photo looks great...I know how you feel about this one...I put them outside at first...then "NO" I can't leave him outside in the cold...then the storeroom..."NO" I have to have him in the house or have them (ashes) maybe the closet...It is haunting and very sad to have to go thru this...and it does make it more final...It is so hard for you to go thru, but like Linda said, you will get thru this lousy grief journey one breath at a time...we are all here for you...and about screaming...yah do it as loud and long as you can...and as far as scattering them or burying them or whatever you need to do...you don't have to until you are ready my friend.....Bless you this hard day...Rochel

[LindaKoz]

For what it's worth, I have a necklace which holds some of Brian's ashes. I know that it's just a few but for me it symbolizes that he is truly with me always. I wear the necklace all of the time. I was going to choose a tear drop because that is what first caught my attention in the brochure. But then I thought maybe I won't be crying forever. Instead I choose the infinity symbol because our love will last forever and always even though he's no longer physically present with me. When I am feeling really sad or anxious, I touch the necklace and I am reminded that Brian is with me and he will give me strength to continue through this journey. Brian's five children chose a cross which also holds a few of his ashes. For us, this seemed to help.

Peace, love, and blessings,

Linda

[steely]

My own feeling is to scatter the ashes. I was talking to a member at group, she told me that a friend kept the ashes of her husband. She continued to talk to him and she came to hear him reply. I had already decided to scatter the ashes but this clenched it. I can see myself in the same position. I don't think that I would ever be able to move on. I don't want to dwell on this. I want to move in a healthy way forward. I know my husband would not want me to suffer so much but it is so hard to deal with life without him. We tackled everything together. I knew he would always be there to catch me if I fell. I'm alone now and he's gone, my rock, my best friend. He really was everything to me.

Thank you, Rochel. That is a newer picture of me, in happier times

[Lucia Abeytia]

Rochel, I know how you feel When my boys brought there dads ashes home I could look the the urns, Ben had made all his arrangements along with our sons before he left us...His wish was that each child would get a small urn and I would get the big one, When I pass away the ashes will be placed in a bag and put inside with me so we can be together, each child will each be able to keep there empty urn...I told him I did not wish to keep his ashes,so our son Relles has mine and will keep it until my death...Everytime I see one of the urns i cry to think this is what happens to our bodys, I miss him everyday and my kids all honor there dad by having an alter for him and they have him placed there and when they miss him they just hold his ashes and talk to him...I hope some day I will be able to do the same but right now I don't see that happening....I hope this helps you

[Korina]

My husband was buried, as he did not want to be cremated. It was very important to me to get him back to his hometown to be buried beside his father. Him mother was absolutely wonderful in working it with the cemetary (we had not yet broached the subject past a casual conversation as to where we would be laid to rest).

I had a pendant Scott gave me (one day, for no particular reason, he gave me a necklace, just saying he was proud of me) set inside his wedding band. I wear it all the time so that our love is always beside my heart.

Korina

[Rochel]

Very cute....I still have to figure out how to put my photo on here...I'm very glad to hear that you are not going to go thru life talking to ashes...that is so not healthy....You sound like you are such a bright gal...No your hubby would not want you to go thru all this pain, but we do don't we...I prayed for you this morning...In fact this whole family is the second thing I think about after Bob in the morning...You sound better tonight...hang in there...be good to Steely