Need Reassurance..

[marsha]

that 18 months is a drop in the bucket, that I still need to be gentle on myself and not push too hard, that I still get widda' brain and that I'm not losing it. I'm falling into that "it's 18 months and I should be..." mode and I'm driving myself crazy. Help!! Marsha

[MartyT]

Marsha, dear ~ I don't have any magic for you ~ I just wanted you to know that you are being "heard." There is absolutely nothing wrong with you or with the way you are doing your grief work. Look at all the posts you just put up this afternoon for our other members, filled with the wisdom of your own experience. Those words came from your very own heart, and you are wise to listen to yourself. If you need to hear it from someone other than yourself, let me say it for you: Be gentle with yourself. Stop pushing so hard. You are not "losing it." Enough with the "should be's." Keep your lovely chin up and know how much you are loved

[Maryo]

Hi Marsha,

I am also at the 18th month on the 21st. I thought life would get so much better and easier and some days I do feel the load is alot lighter but than I go back to that empty feeling.I don't have any quick fix for us but when I go to bed at night I am thankful the day is over and pray that tomorrow will be a good day.

When I look back to the first few months of grieving I am happy that I have come as far as I have.

Take care.

Mary Lou

[mrspapajohn]

Marsh - - My heart goes out to you. I have just passed the year mark and there are days when I wake up crying and go to bed crying. Then there are days when I marvel that I have come so far. It goes back and forth, almost like a tennis match being played in my brain and in my heart. Just the fact that we can get through a day is an accomplishment. Marty gives the best advice, "Be good to yourself." We are making it and indeed it is amazing to learn just how much strength we have, even though our hearts are broken. I will be thinking about you and hoping that you are finding some comfort any way you can.

Kathy

[marsha]

Thank you for the tough love, Marty - sometimes I need a gentle but firm kick in the arse to jump start me! Mary Lou and Kathy - yes, there is love, and support, and good things, too - when I looked at the news this morning, and said a silent prayer, I thanked G-d for a roof over my head, food to eat, a bed to sleep in - and friends. Hugs, Marsha

[LarrysGirl]

Hi my friend, at 18 months my brain was still numb and I look back and wonder how I functioned. Somehow we do even when we aren't ourselves. Don't be hard on yourself, you are doing it, even if it doesn't feel like it. Grief is a journey that takes one step at a time. Give yourself some credit and remember you've helped others on their journey just by being wonderful you! Deborah

[kath]

Marsha,

I don't know how but it seems at my biggest meltdown, there is some world tragedy that makes me feel so insignificant in the whole big scheme of things. Yes, we are extremely fortunate to have the house and the job and food readily accessible and all the rest. Yet, we also need to allow ourselves to feel the loss when it hits us. Eighteen months out of your life is a blip. It is natural and necessary to still hurt. I apologize for not responding sooner. I hope by now, you are feeling somewhat better. It's those darn milestone anniversaries that carry so much expectations for where we should be. Do you wear a watch? I don't anymore. I got tired of seeing how late I was for everything. I think maybe grief work is a valid excuse for ditching the calendar, too.

I think the only difference at eighteen months for me was that the downs don't last as long. They are still intense and even at thirty-two months they carry a whallop, but they don't take as long to emerge again. Someone posted a while back about how it isn't when we are smiling that we are doing well, it is when we are feeling pained that the real growth happens. Walk gently, my friend, you are growing.

Love,

Kath

[valley]

Marsha,

I have been away so to speak, but did want to say....yes, you are loved and valued and I have often been so moved by what you have shared. I am like you too....missing, missing, missing. I do stuff, am busy, but my core is not the same. That one you lay next to at night and can share the day with, that is missing and it is HUGE.

I just had a friend here with me for a few days, a really nice woman. I found myself getting somewhat impatient, and just wanting to slip away into my "dream world". I am selfish, in that if I cannot just kick back and be totally me, I sort of don't want to play the game, or at least not for too long. I suppose I am looking for what my "new normal" is, and I haven't found it. Surely, lonliness will not be it.

I want to say, you matter to me and some days are up and some are down. We continue to seek meaning and purpose and also FUN.

Thinking of you on the 18th.

Valley

[Korina]

Sounds like so many here have given you the wisdom of their experience. All I can say right now, is that at 7 months, I am dreading these next 5 months, all the firsts yet to come, and the awful anniversary of June 19. But come these events will, and I will try to take them one day at a time. Sounds like this remains true for some time to come. I continue to pray for Scott to come to me in some way. I guess I need reassurance that he is out there - it is hard for me to go on just faith. Sigh. But regardless, we must also find the strength within ourselves to carry on, albeit at our own pace, not on someone else's schedule.

Hugs,

Korina