My Beautiful Rocky

[Elaine M]

I have always had a pet. Cats mainly. I have had some losses I can't get over. I lost my cat, Zorro, oh how beautiful he was, He had a heart condition and died at 13 1/2 on Dec 8, 2005 while I was driving to the vets. I can't drive by that place without thinking of him. But I still had my Part Keshound Nikki, I called her "My Girl" like the song both she and Zorro were buddies, Zorro I got from a shelter in Sept 1992 and Nikki from a shelter in june 1993 They were with me when my kids were little 3 and 1 1/2. they experienced all the good times and bad and grew older along with my kids, now 21 AND 18 1/2 Zorro's passing was hard, but my son brought home Zoey, an abandoned kitten before he died. So I had Baby Zoey, Nikki my 13 yr old dog and OH BOB a stray that lived in the woods behind my house since 1995, so they claim. We moved in 2006 and took Nikki , Zoey and BOB. Things were going okay then my Nikki, who would go everywhere with me, to school with my kids, walks, visiting relatives. EVERYWHERE, I believe had a stroke in July of 2007. I vowed I would not have her put to sleep, and didn't I carried her everywhere. Yes she did have accidents, I cleaned them up. The vet said to put her down, but I looked in her eyes and told her I would always love her. She died in my arms on Dec 22, 2007 7:35 am. I have pictures of Zorro up, but I cannot get her pictures together. They were both cremated. I vowed I would never love another animal. I would just deal with old Bob and Zoey. Then in March of 2008 a stray cat came around my home. I knew she was a female TRi-colored Calico I took her in and she was pregnant. On March 27, 2008 5 kittens were born.... I named them Rocky, Socks,

and Orange tabby, I found a home for, Muffin a persian type I found a home for, and Monkey Face the runt. I was sick I didnt want any more pets I was still GRIEVING NIKKI So, I kept Sophie the mom, Rocky a big beautiful Tuxedo Black, Socks a skinny Tuxedo Black and Monkey Face. Oh yes I stillhad Zoey and BOB. Well, I know I said I would not love again, but Rocky stole my heart, he followed me everywhere, and slept next to me at night, he was like 18 lbs. I told him I would never leave him and would love him forever and we would grow old together. THeuy played around my home I live in the woods, but the is a road at the end of our very long driveway. On Friday nite Socks and Rocky ran out of the door. My husband and I were going to our sons basketball game when we came homejust socks was at ouR door. i knew immediately something was wrong. The next day I found him on the side of the road. I took him to be c cremated. I cannot eat, I cannot sleep, I am sick about letting them out. I should know better. Cars do not drive through your home. It is my fault I cant even get out of my chair, I have this prssure in my chest I cant make this pain go away. I wish I could turn back time. I want my ROcky back, I cant think,I am sick. I woll never be right again. I told my husband that we have to put an extra door so that the cats wont run out. So how late is that. I hate myself. I let him go I knew there were dangers. How could I let these innocent creatures out. I hate myself. I will never recover.

[wyonna]

I am so sorry you are going through so much pain. I found great comfort using Bridget to talk with my two animals. I know Bridget help my pets and helped me also find a way to come to terms with what happened. Look at her website and decide for yourself and please try not to blame yourself but I understand the feeling of not protecting them 100% of the time. But we cannot be with them 100% of the time and you did nothing wrong. I am so sorry you lost a family member and my heart goes out to you.

Melissa ( Wyonna was my Calico)

http://petsaretalking.com she has a special price for grieving pet owners ( Trixie on her blog was my cat & Clovis was a friends of mine cat)

[MartyT]

Dear Elaine,

I am so very sorry to learn of the tragic accident that took the life of your beloved Rocky, and I can only imagine how painful this must be for you and your entire family. Please accept our deepest sympathy for your loss, and know that we are thinking of you.

It's important that you and everyone else in your family understand that the grief you're feeling now is a normal response to the loss of someone you love. How each of you reacts to the loss of your precious Rocky depends not only on the circumstances of his death, but also on how attached you were to him, on your individual relationship with him, and on the role he played in your lives. I'm sure that, each in your own way, you gave your hearts to this kitty completely, just as he gave his heart to you. It's only natural that, when you lose that which you love so much, you feel the overwhelming pain of loss. No matter who or what you love, the greater the love, the worse the pain feels when you lose the object of your love. (See my article,

Coping with Pet Loss: Am I Crazy to Feel So Sad About This? )

The circumstances of Rocky's death suggest to me that you may be feeling very guilty and angry with yourself for whatever part you think you may have played in Rocky's being hit by a car. There may be a part of you that is very angry about this, too. But at a time like this it's important for all of you to remember that you did not deliberately set out to bring any harm to your beloved kitty. Like all the rest of us, you are human, terrible accidents do happen, and there was nothing intentional about this at all. Anger is a powerful emotion that can be frightening, but feeling angry doesn't necessarily imply that you will lose control or take your anger out unfairly on others. Nevertheless, before you can get through it, let go of the intense emotions attached to it and move on, your anger must be admitted, felt and expressed, if only to yourself. Keep in mind that feelings are neither right or wrong, good or bad. They just are. What really matters is what you do with what you're feeling. When you simply acknowledge feelings of anger to yourself or to a trusted other without actually doing anything about them, no harm is done, to you or to anyone else. On the other hand, if you suppress that anger and hold on to it, eventually you may explode, turn it inward and get depressed, or aim it at innocent others. Anger is sheer, raw energy, but you can find healthy ways to discharge that energy and channel it – through physical exercise, writing and talking, for example.

Feelings aren't always rational or accurate, either. Feeling guilty about the circumstances surrounding Rocky's death doesn't mean that you are, in fact, an uncaring, irresponsible persone who intentionally set out to bring harm to your cat. As I'm sure you know, one of the most wonderful things about our animal companions (unlike humans!) is that they love us unconditionally, they are forgiving of all our human faults, and they never, ever hold a grudge against us. If anyone knew how much he was loved by all of you for the time that he was in your life and a member of your family, surely it was your precious Rocky.

In the end, there is nothing anyone can say to erase the load of guilt that you may be carrying around right now. Guilt is one of the most common reactions in loss – in situations such as this, it is only human nature to feel guilt for what you may have done or failed to do. If after examining all the facts you decide that you should have done things differently in this case, then the only thing you can do at this point is to learn from your mistake and promise yourself that if you are ever presented with the exact same set of circumstances again, you will do things differently next time.

A sudden, unexpected death like this can teach some valuable lessons about how fragile and temporary life is, and that if we have something to say to someone we had better say it now, because we may never get the chance again to say it. Can you let this be one of Rocky's legacies to you – one of the precious life lessons your family can take from this tragic loss? Are there any other lessons here that you may need to learn? Take some time to think about and talk with one another about all of this. It is one of the most important tasks in mourning: to find meaning in this loss.

In any event, my dear, there is nothing any of you can do now to go back and change what has already been done. Instead, to cope with the guilt, you might try to find some way to communicate with Rocky's spirit and ask for his forgiveness. That may be by meditating, by writing him a letter and saying all you need to say to him, by finding a quiet place and lighting a candle and speaking to him in your mind – whatever way you choose is up to you. The point of all of this is to find some way to forgive yourself, to apologize and make amends to the one you believe you have harmed, to learn from your mistake and to move on.

Guilt and anger can eat us alive unless we find someone to talk to about our feelings, someone who will help us look at the situation more objectively. If you find that talking to your family members about this is not enough, I encourage you to find someone you can talk to who understands the bond you felt with Rocky, who understands the mourning process and will listen to you without judging you. Coming to this site and posting here can be very helpful in that regard, because here you will find understanding, comfort and support from others whose experiences may be similar to your own. But if you feel a need for more than that, you can go to the State-by-State Guide to Support Groups, Counselors & Pet Cemeteries to search for support in your own community. See also the listings on my Helplines ~ Message Boards ~ Chats page. Sometimes sharing our story enables us to unburden ourselves and to obtain the absolution we may need from others. None of us is perfect; we are all human, we've all made mistakes and we've all done things about which we feel guilty.

It's important that you and your family members take the time needed to grieve this loss of Rocky, including the processing of and coming to terms with all that anger and guilt you may be feeling over the circumstances of Rocky's accidental death. Grief takes an enormous amount of energy. There is no specific time frame for grief, and this too may differ for each of you. (See my article, Understanding Different Mourning Patterns in Your Family.)

Although my book, The Final Farewell is out of print, as an alternative you might be interested in the online e-mail course I've written on the subject of pet loss; you can read more about it at A Different Grief: Loss of a Family Pet.

I hope this information helps, my dear. My heart goes out to you and your family at this sad and difficult time.

[Elaine M]

Marty Thanks, I dont know where this reply showed up because this site confuses me, but I appreciate your words of comfort. I am so tired of losing people and pets I cant stand it. Everytime I am happy something happens like I dont deserve it. I struggle I am afraid to be happy I look sad all the time. I amafraid to show that I enjoy life becasue as soon as I express happiness I have immediate sorrow I feel I am being punished. My dad passed OCT 4, 09, ALSO, then my pet but last week I was soo happy everything was good. Jobs, homelife, children, health, I told my husband how happy I was I was singing, I told Rocky every day, I love you Rocky, I just love you to death. He was always around, I have 5 others and most are aloof. Not like him. I will never have another Rocky. I am so sad.

I look forward to the future and when something good happens I know it will be followed by sorrow. That black cloud follows me everywhere.

So sorry to ramble on.

Thank you again for your kind words

THey are very helpful

Elaine

[kayc]

Elaine,

I am so sorry for your loss. I understand what it is to have a beloved pet in your life and lose them. Each one is unique and nothing prepares you for their loss. In the last six years I have lost my husband and five pets. Right now I have two cats and a dog...some people have said they can never have another dog after losing theirs but I cannot imagine life without my current dog, Arlie, whom I just got one year ago. Life has it's cycles and while there are no guarantees, it does seem to ebb and flow...it's the changes we hate, really, and yet sometimes there are positive changes that come into our lives as well. I wish you the best.

Kay