I Made It

[Lucia Abeytia]

Well yesterday was the one year annivarsay and it was not as bad as I thought that it would be sometime the anticipation is worse than the actual day!!! It was a very nice evening we prayed the rosary in Honor of Ben and than we ate dinner as a family it was so nice everyone just talked about everything and of course our main topic was Ben....And today my brother surpised me with the rose plant Beloved as I have told you before Ben worked for the United Farmworkers union and Beloved is the Rose that is decicated to Cesar Chavez so to Honor Ben my brother had ordered it since last year before Ben's passing but it took him till this year to be able to get it he just recieved it Wed so he wanted to tell us about last night he told my children but didn't say anything to me till this morning so now I have a plant to honor Ben!!! What a wonderful brother I have....I did cry and I was sad most of the day my son took me to my daughters house at 4:30 at about 4 pm I recieved a call from my niece Helen whom Ben and I raised most of her life and she upset me so much and that was when I finally had my breakdown...after that I was fine...I am glad that I planned something for this day because it made my day go by faster and gave me something to focus on I think that somethimes thats what we have to have something to focus on to make our day go by faster and take our mind off of things

[Korina]

Lucia:

I am so glad you got through your day! I know for me, on the days I am dreading, when I am busy, it is easier because I am not focusing on the sad stuff all day long. I know we have to let ourselves 'feel' our grief, but it just seems that 'feeling' for the entire day, it is just too debilitating.

Hugs,

Korina

[David'sGirlStill]

Lucia,

It's heart warming to hear such love and kindness. How wonderful to be able to watch it grow. You give me strength and hope that I'll survive Tuesday, right now I'm not so sure.

Hugs

Phyllis

[MartyT]

Phyllis, dear ~ There is wisdom in Lucia's approach, and I hope you will consider intentionally planning how you will spend next Tuesday. Remember that such days really are no different from any other day on the calendar -- they are only as important as you choose to make them. Even if your plan is to do nothing special at all, it still is a plan, and it will help you feel as if you are in charge of deciding how your day will go. Just don't let that day sneak up on you, waiting until the day is upon you.

Have you read the article, Creating Personal Grief Rituals?

[Sharon3]

I am happy to hear your day went ok......I have been thinking about the 24th which is the 1st year mark for me and I plan to be by myself. The only alternative would be to spend it with my son and his family but beyond that , like Marty says even if it is to be alone that is the plan. I know I will relive the horror of that day but hope to also honor my husband as well because he deserves it. Other people in my life just don't fully understand the devastation to my life and I only want to share it with people who do. I am also curious who I will hear from but I am hoping to have no expectation around that as I don't want to get disappointed yet again.

[kayc]

Good for you Lucia, you made it through the year of firsts! That was a monumental hurdle for me.