Always Someone Worse Off.

[Frank G]

If you have read my previous posts you will know I lost my wife June in December 09 after a 3 month battle with cancer.If you thought I had problems please read the next chapter in my life.

I went to another funeral yesterday that of June’s uncle Danny.We hadn’t had much to do with him since the 70’s even though they live in our area (but that’s another story).

The only contact was when relatives from England would visit them and they’d bring them to our band gigs and we’d all act like there were no problems. We were up to date with his life story via the local newspapers due to him becoming a councillor on the local Council and then Deputy Mayor for 3 years. Following June’s death I let their daughter know and on the same day Danny and his wife Doris (June’s dad’s sister) appeared at our house. What I didn’t know was Danny had had cancer for over 2 years. They’d removed his stomach and after 1 year of chemo he was in remmision for a year then it came back. This time the chemo. made things worse so no more could be done.

I went to his funeral out of respect because they came to June’s but because of the 70’s incidents my June would not be pleased.

Now the reason for the ‘someone worse off’ title.

Doris cared for Danny for nearly 3 years and he wasn’t the easiest person to deal with. (They took him out of the church to “My Way” which described him perfectly). The week before Danny died Doris had a heart attack and has been in hospital since, so she couldn’t be with him in the Hospice at the end. She was bought from hospital to the funeral and took back later. She has Type 2 Diabetes and with the stress of the last 3 years her heart is so badly damaged by-pass or stent are not an option so she is on medication and has to move in with her daughter when she can leave hospital.

Even though their actions in the 70’s hurt June very much after what I’ve been through in the last 6 months I feel sorry for them both especially Doris.

As they left our house after that visit in December Doris looked back at me and said,”Why have we wasted the last 30 years”.

Why do families wait for death to re-unite them?

I hope my story helps one of you.

Frank G...

[ARiddle729]

Frank,

Thank you for sharing that. The title immediately caught my attention because when I begin to feel sorry for myself, I have always been one to try to remind myself that there is always someone worse off. Doris certainly seems to be in a very rough spot. I can't imagine having to deal with all of her medical issues while going through this grief. This has been the worst week I have had since Dan passed away. But honestly, I am very blessed in many ways.

I had an aunt who died about 10 days before my husband. I was very close to this aunt. Her youngest daughter and I were best friends all through childhood and she loved her mother dearly. But my two older cousins didn't even seem to care for their mother. I still don't know if the oldest daughter even knows yet that her mother passed away. My aunt was terminally ill for several years, so it is not like it was some unexpected death. Yet, the daughter never called or visited her mom (she lives maybe 4 hours away) and no one had any contact info for her to be able to let her know about the death. There was no big family fight, no drug use by the daughter of which I am aware, she just didn't seem to have a desire to be close to her mom. I don't understand it. Without family, we have nothing.

I am having a little in-law drama right now, not any fighting with me personally, but major problems within their immediate family and involving me indirectly. Reading your story just makes me see even more how important it is that families try to find resolutions for their problems. We never know how much time we have left.

Take care

Angie

[kayc]

Frank,

What a beautiful reminder...and forgiveness really is infectious with it's miracle working power. It sounds like the loss you have been through has made you a very compassionate and caring person and you want to share that compassion where it's needed.

Doris is lucky to have a friend in you.

[Korina]

This is a wonderful reminder that life is too short to waste on negative feelings. Forgiveness is very powerful.

And it reminds me also that though my situation totally sucks, I am also blessed in many ways, especially through the great friend, family and inlaw support I have.

Hugs,

Korina