Is It Normal To Be Easily Agitated And Angry?

[emptyinside]

One of my friends I haven't seen in a while and I recently got together. I noticed that some things she does make me rage, and I am really seeing her flaws, which is silly because we all have flaws. But I'm starting to see her through an ugly viewfinder, and some of her flaws rub me the wrong way now, and I almost feel like she's doing it on purpose to annoy me. But I know that can't be true because she has always kind of been that way. I seethe and really start to resent her on the inside.

Does grief make you really irritable with a short fuse even after a good amount of time? I figured I'd settle back to normalcy, whatever that is, but I find myself getting angry at people more easily. I feel a great injustice at what I've been through with all the hospital stuff. I went through so much pain, had a lot of bad events thrown at me, and I guess it has made me less of a nice person so I don't tolerate things as I used to. I don't think it's the outside that's changed. It's got to be me.

Can anyone relate or does anyone have advice on getting over that? Thanks.

[leeann]

Is It Normal To Be Easily Agitated And Angry?

Oh I hope so.. LOL Yah... I hear ya.... I do not seem to have the patience I used to have. I don't suffer fools gladly anymore. In fact - I don't suffer them at all. LOL Oh brother...

I don't think time or distance from our losses has much to do with how we feel or what kind of things (behaviors, feeling, emotions, etc..) we experience as we processes those losses and walk our unique grief journeys. So I would try not to get hung up on the time thing if I were you.

I think after all I feel I have been through.. sometimes I feel like I am under attack and am automatically defensive even.. when that really isn't necessary.

So I have learned to think more... speak less. In other words keep my mouth shut more because I am afraid I will offend well meaning.. unsuspecting folks who have no idea I am on the verge of erupting alot of the time. So I bite my lip... take a deep breath.. tell myself my anger isn't from this poor person... just from what I have experienced before & the pain I am in at the moment.

So I try to make a concerted effort to overlook the shortcomings of others because I am painfully aware that I am awash in them myself!

I assume this feeling of annoyance (at the least) and roaring anger (at the most) will even out eventually. Until then though.. I am on my guard NOT to hurt others.

So counting to 10, breathing deeply, taking short breaks away from others at gatherings (even just running to the bathroom for a minute can break the strength of that feeling) etc are all things I do to keep my cool.

But I DO know what you mean.

[loulou]

Im so glad you posted this...now I dont have to ask.I hope its normal,but I have been extremely angry and irritable.I really want to cut people out so fast.I think it's because we have so much negativity around us that anymore is to much emotionaly.I keep saying that Im gonna fake it till I make it,meaning I have been acting like I deserve an oscar.I really cant stand anyone right now,except one friend that I think is the only normal person left in my life.I cant even be around my own mom,old bestfriends,co-workers I haVE ALWAYS GOT ALONG WITH.Im not sure why this is but I really feel like its everyone else.People dont know how to act with dignity and compassion.Either Im crazy or the rest of the world is...I still cant figure it out....

[niamh]

I too can absolutely relate to this. I feel I don't have much patience anymore and at times I bite my tongue while there is like a war waging in my head. I have some very close friends who are so kind but even with them there are times when I feel stop calling me, stop asking me how I am yet when I don't hear from them I also get angry thinking oh yeah well life just goes on as normal for you now.

I work with a great group of people but have no tolerance anymore for what I consider meaningless conversations.I don't want them to focus on me and my grief but nor do I want to hear about their social life, family life, weekend plans and so on....I guess I just don't know what I want.

I have had a few times where I feel this intense rage inside me,I don't even feel like lashing out at anything or anyone....it just comes out in floods of tears eventually.

I've just felt so many emotions I never knew even existed before, thought I'd felt it all until this. I think it's just all part of this horrible thing called grief, no feelings are "not normal" anymore.

Unfortunately I don't have advice on getting over these feelings, maybe time, maybe someday it just happens !

you're not alone with these feelings

[emptyinside]

You guys are amazing. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

[MartyT]

Dear Ones,

Here is an article by Jenna Baddeley that appeared in one of Psychology Today's online blogs earlier this week, which you may find quite relevant to this discussion:

Speaking of Grief: Tips for grievers, friends and family on talking about loss. When we talk about grief, can we really be honest?

[loulou]

Marty,thank you for the link.The article was spot on.I kinda wanted to post it on our board at work,but everyone would know who it came from.lol.

[niamh]

LOL loulou, there's been so many things I've found on grief and wanted to just email to friends, work colleagues but I just can't, I can imagine some of the reactions

Here is another one actually that I found back in January. Always so so tempted to email it.