Nothing Matters Anymore

[love]

In the last 4 years I have had so many loses the that world was turned upside down. Then when it seems things are turning around for the better it smackes me between the eyes once again. It started in Feb.2006 when my daughter was killed in an auto accident, then four months later my husband passed away with cancer. then in Aug.2006 my cousin passed with heart attack. 18 months later my dad passed. In Sept 2009 my ex husband,John and I reunited and were extremely happy --happier than I had been in a very long time. In the end of Jan.2010 we discoverd he had lung cancer and was given 6 months to a year. He passed after only 2 & 1/2 months. I feel very cheated and nothing but nothing matters to me anymore. It just never stops! I went to grief support group after the lose of my daughter and husband and my cousin. It helped a great deal. But this new hurt is so intense I have about given up. All I do is cry, can't sleep more than 3 hrs,get sick if I eat. Nothing I do matters to me. I go around doing what I know has to be done--I feel like I have no purpose in my life anymore.

John and I were married in 1969. 4yrs and one baby later we were divorced. We kept in touch all through the years. He remarried and so did I --I was married to a wonderful man that raised my son as his own and I loved him. It was such a different love I had for John. I had been IN LOVE with him since I was 18 yrs old. We were soul mates. And to get a second chance at that love was unbelievable, then to have it takn away once again seems so unfair. I'm blessed that I had him for 6 months but that wasn't long enough.

I'm angry and so much hurt inside of me.

Hurting,

Becky (Love)

[niamh]

oh Becky hun I am so so sorry for all of your losses, wow my heart goes out to you. I wish there was something I could say but I'm lost for words, not that they can take away your pain anyways.

But I hope you find some tiny comfort here talking to everyone, people on here are so special and there is something to be said just knowing someone else in the world can relate a little bit to your pain, your loss.

I'm dealing with one loss, my dearest Dad who I lost suddenly in Dec, he was so much more than my Dad, best friend, confidant, teacher, hero and on and on. I've lost all happiness and hope, he was part of my everyday life and he's missing from every single thing I do. Life has no purpose to me anymore, i feel I'm just waiting to go be with him. My Mom is all I live/exist for now (no siblings).

I wish I had words of comfort, I wish there were words of comfort.

Sending you lots of love and hugs and I hope you will find some tiny help from talking with others here. I know it has been my lifeline with my grief,

niamh

xx

[Chrissie]

Becky,

I am so sorry you have gone through so much pain. I wish I could just reach out and hug you. Please know that we are all here for you. Coming to this website has been a blessing to me, everyone understands what you're going through and they are all so kind. Take care of yourself and keep coming back.

Chris

[Maryo]

Hi Becky,

I am so sorry for all your losses.I am glad that you found this website and I hope you can find some comfort here.

Mary Lou

[Billw]

Hi Becky, God bless you lady. Just when I think I have had more than my fair share of bad breaks in life I hear someone else tell about their challenges. Wow I don't even know what to say other than I can relate to the anger. That is one of the things that is just beating me up right now but it's one of those places that is familiar. I really hope we can find peace with all of this because it's no fun to be in the middle of all this turmoil.

BW

[closs86]

Hi Becky,

I am so sorry for all you have been through, that is so terrible, you must be having such a hard time, I wish I could help you, but I don't know what to do myself, I lost my husband, also my soulmate since we were 16, after 43 years to cancer in 3 weeks from diagnosis to gone, it was pancreatic that had spread. He had no symthoms at all until it was to late. You went for counseling for all the other losses you had, you should go again since you know that it helped with the others. I hope that you find some peace, I hope that for all of us.

Take care

Karen

[kayc]

Becky,

Wow, no wonder you are feeling like you are, that is a lot to process! I'm glad you got to have your ex husband back though, even if only for a while. It's hard to understand why we don't get longer when we're so happy, I know I felt that way with my George. I have no advice, only hugs, and hopes that something good comes your way soon.

Love,

kay

[Korina]

Becky:

You sound like an incredibly strong woman, no doubt one of the qualities that your soulmate admired. Sending you a huge virtual hug....

Korina