Too Sad To Think

[Delinda]

My boyfriend of 8 years died suddenly 5 weeks ago. I don't know how to function without him. The guilt, saddness, frustration, pain and loss overwhelm me. We were not married. We lived together and were very much like a married couple. His 2 sons have excluded me. His sons know very well how much we loved each other. Why does death make humans so greedy and insensitive? Joe and I had big plans for the summer. Jimmy Buffet concert tickets, an all inclusive trip to Jamaica, both events have came and gone with out me & Joe. He is the love of my life. Nobody will ever make me feel the way he made me feel.

[Kat2005]

Delinda,

First let me tell you how sorry I am for your loss. What you are feeling is normal. It has only been five weeks so go easy on yourself. It is almost a year since I lost my husband and I still live with some guilt. Should I have seen signs earlier, could I have done more? Deep down I know I did everything I could but we still doubt ourselves. I think in the beginning we are in shock and when reality starts setting our emotions go crazy. I don't know what your relationship was with his sons before they lost their dad but you have to keep in mind that they are grieving also. We all grieve differently and they may be doing what they need to do to get through loosing their father. Give them time. You just have to remember that you need to take care of yourself right now.

I just want to tell you that you have come to a wonderful sight. Everyone here is so understanding and there is always someone here to listen. I have found much comfort from this sight, so come here as often as you need to. We are here for you.

Take care,

Kat

[Delinda]

Thank you Kat for your kind words. I am sorry for your loss. It is a terrible feeling isn't it? I do know I did everything I could for Joe. Deep down I think his sons know that too. When they will allow themselves to think back on the past 6 months I think they will regret their actions & words. My handsome Joe was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation in August 09. He then had a blood clot in his kidney in November. He spent a week in the hospital with me by his side not knowing then if he was going to live through it. I carried him 3 times for cardioversions (shock to his heart) over the past 6 months. I really tried to save him.

[nats]

Hello Delinda,

I feel your loss and heartbreak and pray for you...we welcome you here and know we all have many of the smae feelings you are having and will be having, my wife joined the Lord on 2/14/10 so I'm still feeling much of the pain, sadness, lonliness, anger, and being lost at times, first keep in mind you have to come first now, you need only worry about what comforts and helps you deal with this life changing event(most people don't understand just how much our lives do change)take care of yourself, take things at your pace and deal with things as you can handle them...this forum really helps me as well as local grief support groups, being around people or talking with others going thru the same thing has a good effect in allowing us to cope or get by day by day so I hope you find some answers and comfort here...and it sounds like you provided him with some great care, I also cared for my wife for 9 months of scans, chemo, radiation, and more chemo with each time praying God would just stop the cancer from growing, a person can only take so much but in the end the last chemo treatment put her body into septic shock and I could provide no more care, she went to ER then I had to decide how she would go as I they informed me she would not make it thru the night....so we caregivers take it hard when we lose not only our loved one but the human being we have been caring for....so with help from God and everyone here we must rebuild and heal in our own time...I'll pray that God's love will grant you some comfort during this rough time....

May God Bless

NATS

[Billw]

Hi Delinda, I know exactly where you're at. My wife died 4-29-10 after a 1 1/2 year battle with cancer. We tried everything, she did everything she could to stay here and it just was not to be. Now everything in the house is a trigger to my emotions. We too had made plans for the summer if we could get her feeling better. I have hotel conformations for next month up north in the mountains and I still don't think I can go without her and I don't want to take a friend or family member. At this point I don't care about going anywhere. Getting out has done me some good over the last month, I force myself to go places when invited. I just got back from an office dinner that I had no intention of going to, it was o.k. but all I can think about right now is getting back home when I go out. I have been back to work for three weeks and doing o.k. with that for the most part. This site gives me some comfort in the early morning before I head to work, there's a lot of good people here going through some really hard times. You are not alone.

God bless

BW

[Korina]

Delinda:

I am glad you found this site, as you will find comfort in the similar stories and experiences of the people here. Please try to take care of yourself in these early months, as you will need your strength, some food, and some exercise. Grieving is exhausting, and you need to be mindful of your health. (Believe me, I know it is probably the last thing you want to think about...but it is important).

I hope your boyfriend's sons come around in time - they too, are reacting to their father's death. However, if they do not, there is not much you can do about it but remain open to them if the day comes when they wish to reopen a positive relationship. For now, though, try not to worry about it as you need to care for yourself. And don't be afraid to ask trusted friends and family for a shoulder to lean on.

Take care,

Korina

[Delinda]

Thanks for responding. I really am too sad to think. I don't even know if I'm doing these posts correctly. I can't understand the instructions. I drive places and don't remember it at all because my mind is always on Joe. I sleep, but dream about him. The pain seems to be getting worse. Everyone keeps saying time will heal you. I really want to scream and say the only thing that will heal me is for my handsome Joe to come back!