Sorting Through Things.

[redwind30]

I have spent most of the past week sorting through my husnand's things. He would not want his clothes just hanging in the closet he would want them to go to someone who could use them. It has been so hard trying to decide what to keep and what to donate. He was a major pack rat...kept everything. He was very creative so he could fnd a use for things that most people just discard. It breaks my heart that he did not get to finish so many of the projects that he started. His life ended way too soon. He had alot of art mataerials that I donated to an abuse shelter. Maybe a child or someone can find some comfort in creating something...he would be pleased with that. I just feel like I am in a daze. I have put alot of his things away, maybe the day will come when I no longer need to keep them, but I doubt it. I just feel so lost without him. All of you have been so good to listen and reply to me. I feel badly that I have not been able to encourage anyone yet. I know we are all in the same boat, I just don’t seem to be able to find anything in myself to give to anyone. I know it is a selfish attitude and I apologize to all of you…I am just empty, nothing is in there.

[Deb625]

I'm in process of doing the same thing - except I had left my husband 6 days before he died (May 16th/10) and now have his life packed in boxes surrounding me in my new apartment (he died of a heart attack brought on by alcoholism at the age of 45 - I moved out so we would have a healthy start when he got well...). I gave his clothing, shoes and jackets to The Last Door - a recovery centre for young adults, I know he would approve - and now am sifting through his "things", he was a pack rat as well and there is just so much and with each box opened, I am drained. I need to get through them and make a new home, but it is tough. I am trying to be gentle and go slow, while I recognize I don't live well in chaos and need to see it through. When I get like I am today, and yesterday and the day before sobbing and crying - just missing him... I know it will all get done, maybe just not today... Thanks for posting. Love, Deb

[Korina]

Scott's clothes are all still in our closet and dresser, though I have gone through his office and packed things away (I have moved Kailyn in there to make room for a homestay student in the other bedroom). I cringe at the thought of going through his clothes, and his office was very difficult. But I have planned to leave it till we move; my parents and I are planning to move out here and we are going to buy a place together. So at least I have a plan...

Korina

[granny14]

It was a week ago I finally went through my husbands closet. Several grand daughters, and all my daughters had taken shirts and jackets of his to keep. I kept a couple shirts. It had comforted me having them hang there for a while, but when I cleaned it out, realized---HE REALLY IS GONE. Was a rough time. My mom got rid of my dad's stuff the day after he passed away. I could not do that....Peace to everyone.

[Lainey]

I got rid of my husband's clothes right after he passed. Because of the urostomy bag, we had bought many new pairs of sweats etc. for him in larger sizes. The week that he died it was very cold, so as a family we decided that Lars would want us to give the clothes to a shelter right away. Seven boxes were donated, from sweats, sweatshirts, heavy sox, It was hard to do it so soon, but I know he would have approved.

This past week I have been in his carving room, trying to sort things out. The surprises I found.. some were cute, some made me cry. But I was ready to do it, knowing that I have to move on. I have saved many things from the room. My two daughters want to try their hand at carving, so they will inherit some tools. The rest I'm hoping that the carving club he belonged to will want.

Redwind, that is a good idea about giving the art supplies to an Abuse center. Lars had alot of art supplies also and I think I may find a place also. Thanks for the good idea.

As I was going through the stuff, I realized that it was another way that I am saying good-bye. Guess that's why we all find it so difficult. I just have to remember that the material things aren't as important as thememores we have.

Hugs to all,

Lainey

[Deb625]

I just wanted to add, my fathers fiance suggested going through "things" in the morning... My first attempt, caused a shut-down and I didn't touch anything else for days. The task is daunting and especially after work I just couldn't get to it. I managed a few boxes this morning (only 30 or so more to go) and it has been a little easier and I was not so stressed after work thinking of all I have to try to do... Just a suggestion... Take care, Deb

[Billw]

I had to sort out my wife's office in the first couple weeks and then the company came out to pick up their property. She traveled and worked out of the house. Since then I have painted and am having new carpet put in there and the other bedrooms. This room will still have all of her personal stuff in it. She had some pretty cool things in there that meant a lot to her (family pictures and personal things). There is a huge walk in closet in our room and it is completely full of nice clothing and lots of shoes as she was always very well dressed. I can't even imagine going through there yet, her sister is supposed to help me this fall when she comes out. I'm glad I have some time with that still because I'm just not there yet. I still haven't taken her pajamas and robe off the back of the bathroom door yet. I know I'll get there some day, just not today.

BW

[Cheryl]

A month after Mark died I cleaned out the medicine cabinet. Threw out the old razors, several toothbrushes, old combs. I cried the whole time. I felt so stupid crying over things that were of no use to anyone. But they were his, so I sobbed. Since then I've managed to move his old socks and underware to a plastic bag into the closet, so I could store some of my winter things in his drawers. I even cried at that. An older friend told me I should save some of Mark's shirts or jackets. That some day my son (12) will come to the closet to see dad's stuff and may find meaning and memories. Since I can't even throw out his underware I guess my son will have alot of memories to go through. I feel pretty pathetic!

[Lainey]

Cheryl,

Don't feel pathetic. The time will come when you know you are ready to deal with getting rid of Mark's posessions. I think it is easier if you can donate the clothes, tools and man stuff. The things you aren't sure about, pack and store until a later date.

I did the same thing with our medicine cabinet,who would think that a toothbrush could make a person cry.. but cry I did!

Maybe we feel this way, this deep down gut-wrenching pain, as we get rid of items.. we realize that with every article, we are letting go of a piece of our loved one. Of course it is going to be painful, but it is just another part of grief and healing.

Hugs,

Lainey

[Sharon3]

I had replied earlier about what i did but thought I would do it again for the new ones to this site. I put my house up for sale shortly aftermy husband's passing and had no choice but to go through his things. His clothes I donated to the Salvation Army except for some special items which I had made into a quilt. My son took his shoes and jackets. I cried over everything.....actually crying would be a soft word I actually sobbed until I couldn't breathe............It was the small treasures he kept tucked away in his drawer that were the most painful. I got 2 small tote boxes and only kept things that would fit in them, his favourite hat, Father's Day cards and pictures he loved. He was also a carpenter, so lots of tools that my son took and treasures. In the end it was done and I moved, which was the right thing for me but I will never forget the pain of going through his things. I have said manyh times the road to moving into my new condo brought me to my knees but I really like it here...I feel freedom to do as I please...just wish I had freedom from the pain of loosing my husband.