Rant

[WendyB]

Today sucks, tomorrow will suck even more.

3 weeks ago today at 1pm I was giving him a kiss and telling him everything would be okay.

I should never have let them do it. I miss him so much it hurts. I want my Larry back.

We can go up tomorrow to pick up his ashes. I can't believe it, it seems so unreal. I want to go

for a ride with him and go out to eat with him damn it.

You know what drives me crazy thinking about, he kept asking for a grape slushy or unsweet tea from

mcdonalds but he couldn't have it because he was still on the ventilator. If I knew that was going to be

the last time he'd ever be able to have those things I would have done ANYTHING to make sure he had

what ever he wanted.

I know that he knew something was going to happen. He wouldn't sleep unless they gave him something

for pain and then he would wake up within an hour. He was terrified to sleep, he said he couldn't hear

himself breathing, but that was the heart pump.

He was afraid to die because he didn't want to see his dad

again. His dad was very abusive when Larry was a little boy made the kids steal and stuff a parent should never do.

I PROMISED Larry he would not be going to the same place his dad was, he would go some place much better.

I think im going to go throw myself in bed and cry until I cant cry anymore.

Im sorry for ranting but thanks for letting me.

Wendy

[2sweetgirls]

I'm so sorry, Wendy, for the loss of your sweet Larry. Your title caught my attention so I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for your pain. I have no clue what it feels like to lose a spouse but loss of someone so special is hard. I lost my mom almost seven months ago and 3 weeks into it seems like it was 100 years ago and just yesterday at the same time. It is a bumpy road and I hope that you will keep coming to this website to rant, rave, anyhting you feel at the moment. It really does help to read other peoples feelings and realize that you are "normal" and not going crazy. We all here are experiencing our own grief and can relate in some way. Although each persons grief is unique and no one will say that they feel exactly as you do. But, I can understand the anger and the feeling of crawling into bed and just crying until you just can't anymore. I was so angry in the beginning that I lost what I thought was a really good friend (over 20 years).

I found myself nodding when you said that Larry would not be in the same place as his dad. I agree. Larry knew that if you had any idea of the outcome that you would have driven to every McDonalds in the area or anywhere to get him what he wanted.

I wish I had magic words to make it all better but, simply there aren't any. I'm so sorry!!!

BTW, I agree totally - It does suck.

Hugs to you today, tomorrow and always.

2sweetgirls

[Abby48]

Wendy,i feel your pain.

3 wks ago at 2am this morning danny left this world,in my mind i know his suffering has now ended

but in my heart i can barely get through the next hour.

your Larry does know how you are feeling,he loved you.

yes you are so right,life sucks.

i look around at all the unhappy couples & think why did this happen to us ?

danny & i were so close,we just enjoyed being together.

i picked up Danny's ashes on friday,he will forever be with me.

even though his sister was very upset that i had Danny creamated

i did what was best for me.

wendy i pray you have a peaceful evening

[Cheryl]

Boy can I relate to not believing this has really happened. I find myself after 10 months thinking he is going to come blasting through the door any minute with a big smile and saying, I'm a lucky man! I know it's true but it feels insane that after 20 years he could just be gone. I was so young when we met. 23 years old, just a puppy trying to be an adult. He taught me everything about living life to the fullest and made me the person I am today. I miss you Mark!!

[Marion Claire]

This is a wonderful place where we can feel free to vent. Something we need badly to do at times I know. I truly believe on this site people really do care and we are all sharing a horrid burden of losing a loved one. Marion

[closs86]

Hi Wendy,

I know what you are saying, how and why?????, I guess we aren't supposed to get an answer, but that is what we are looking for, I know that I am, why would this happen to us, there are so many bad people out there, why take the happy ones that are needed here. I just don't know

take care

Karen