1St Holiday Alone

[Abby48]

This Is My First Holiday With Many More To Come.

My Loving Husband & I Would Always Go To The Fireworks Celebration

After Grilling His Tender Steaks On The Grill.

We Would Sit Together & Watch The Sky Light Up.

I Miss Him So Much Today.

Wednesday Will Be A Month Since He Left Me Behind,Also Friday Would Have Been Our 19th Wedding Anv.

I'm Going To Have A Very Emotional Week,Ahead.

I Feel So Lonely,I Have No Intrest In The Things I Use To Enjoy Doing.

Being Around Friends Only Makes The Loss Worse,I Prefer Just Staying Home.

May GOD Bless Us With Strength To Endure This Heartfelt Pain

[Joe D. Pierce]

I know what you mean, this is my first holiday without Corrine. We were going to go down and ride our bikes into D.C.. We would go there one year, and antietem battle field the next. Our anniversary was June 20th. So,I know exactly how you feel. And you put it well, I have no desire to do anything, and being with friends doesn't help a lot of the time. I have gotten to where I don't want to talk to friends, I can't see the sense in all of us being depressed. My thoughts are with you!!

[closs86]

Hi

My first holiday alone also, haven't been out of the house except to walk the dogs, this is really terrible, last year was so different, what happened?

Karen

[redwind30]

I feel the same way. Friends insisted I go with them to see fireworks tonight. All I could think about was my husband and how much he would have enjoyed getting to see them. I was with three other couples. Just reminded me of how alone I am. He had ongoing health problems and we did not get to do much. But, it did not matter. I would rather sit with him and the couch and stare and blank walls than be with other people doing things without him. I miss him so much, I feel like I am going to break into a million pieces. Nothing matters any more.

[Marion Claire]

Also my first holiday alone. Could have gone places with kids and grandkids but I just didn't want to go and be surrounded by people. Last 4th was the last time we at the lake where one daughter lives and Ray was trying to teach one grandson-in-law how to drive his remote control little boat. Got a video today and he had it running just great on the lake. Made me so happy but also made me cry. He did a great job with it and I know Ray is so proud of him. Did have one cheerful event today who when a grandson came who got back from Iraq yesterday. He lived with us his senior year when his mom deserted him re-marrying and moving away a few months after our son passed away. Of course I took him in to live with us. Was great to see him. Only has 5 days total back here but he helped me haul stuff to the garage I need out of the house before I can sell it. And said to call if I need any help. With so few days home I am not calling him to come over and work. He will be back to visit me again before he leaves in 4 days tho. So have two happy events on a very sad day otherwise. I need alone time more than a group of people no matter how special they are to me. Am not in a celebrating mood every now. Hate the thought also of holidays coming up. Both are birthdays are in Sept, and our anniversay is the day after Christmas. Have more days I am not looking forward too than ever before. Days that used to be special and now dreaded days instead. In two months nothing has changed much on how I feel except more lonely probably. Marion

[ipswitch]

I was doing better until recently. The 13th of June would have been Jeff's birthday, and the 29th would have been our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.

The other day I looked through a cookbook to see if it needed updating. We had had a period where we had gotten into a rut, dinner-wise, and we had decided that each Tuesday, we'd try a new recipe. I felt nostalgic and sad all over again. Our marriage was not an easy one, with Jeff's alcoholism, but those evenings were pleasant, for the most part.

[Cheryl]

It will be one year next month that Mark died. July 4th was the last holiday to celebrate without him. Each holiday has been heart wrenching. Because we stayed home most July 4th's I thought it would be easier. It wasn't. I did the whole grilling thing with the kids. But I didn't know how to light the charcoal. Another new lesson to learn.

I didn't realize until later that I had fixed all his favorites out of habit. No one ate the radishes or the cucumbers. Those would have been for him. Oh how I miss him watching me layer the ice and salt in the icecream maker. I would stress that I was doing it wrong and it would never stop churning and he would laugh and tell me, it always works! I miss him so much. I don't know how I stand it sometimes.

I'm having one of those days where the rest of the world really sucks. I'm jealous of the happy people! I want to be one of the happy people. I'm not sure if I will ever be happy again.

[sunstreet]

Oh dear Abby,

Courage to you. I understand. You are not alone.

Sunstreet

[Korina]

Oh, the firsts are all so hard! No way around it. Trust your intuition on how to spend those days, and don't force youself to do anything that doesn't feel right. I found I knew when it was time to try something 'new' (by new, I mean new since the death of Scott). And when I felt I needed to be alone, I stayed home. And thankfully, those close to me have understood, not pushed me, and have been very supportive. One thing that I found very helpful for those days when I was facing another first, was to have a plan, even if it was just a general plan.

Take care,

Korina