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Hi all my name is Kim for those of you who don't know me and those that do. I have not been on in a very long time do to ongoing problems, today I would like to share my story with you and hope my journey in this unforseen road makes some difference. My story begins on July 21, 2006 when my husband of 20 years Dan got cancer. He was 41 years old when he died and we have 3 children together, we were together since high school. Dan began throwing up and getting sick everyday, he was complaining of stomach pain and cramps, then I found a huge black looking cyst on his inner thigh, I finally was able to get him to the DR. and they keep insisting it was acid reflux disease gave us countless medications, procedures but he was not getting any better. On this date in July I had to drag him to the er and got the fatal news that Dan had stage 4 esphogal cancer. After sobbing and panic we deceided to go ahead with chemo. Dan was very ill and weak at this time and did not respond well to the first round, after 20 days in the hospital we finally got to go home and continue doing outpatient chemotherapy. Over the next 9 months Dan was hospitalized 17 times for at least a week at a time, then came some small miracle and Dan began to make vast improvement the Dr.'s were amazed and very hopeful. In may 0f 07 Dan had his first seizure, Dr.'s told us it was nothing, till June came another we then found out the cancer has spread to his brain.We tried surgery and radiation. I will never forget Dan looking and calling for me prior to going in for his brain surgery, just holding his hand and telling how much I love him will forever remain in my heart. Sadly Dan lost his brave and gallant fight August 20, 2007 in the loving care of Hospice of the Valley, what a bunch of caring and compassionate people. They took care of Dan and our family for 3 months. This facility provided the most amazing and loving care in the whole world, I truly believe everyone there are angels, for I would not have made it this far without everyone of them!!!! When I found this site I was on all the time, I have found great friendship and many many warm hearts. I love this site and want each of you to know I love every one of you and thank you for the love and support. Dan will never get to see his grandchildren grow up (when we have some) and he has missed out on our youngest graduating from high school, but he will forever remain in our hearts. Although we do not understand why we all have to go through this. The pain lonleness breaks your heart in no way anyone can ever understand. This journey we are on and have been given has had so many roller coaster moments for me and to think that was and is normal made me laugh. I am no expert or professional in anyway, in fact I am just a nobody who has lost her soul mate and true love. This Friday will be 3 years since Dan's body has left this earth, but his spirit remains around us always. I smell him when the wind blows, feel his tears when it rains, feel his heart radiate through the shining sun. My hearts breaks for all us to endure this pain. But, remember you are not alone for there is always someone on here 24 7 who will listen, care and love no matter what the situation. I am always checking my e mail and if anyone would like to write me you may do so. I am sorry to keep seeing so many neewbies on here. :( God Bless you all Kim

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Kim,

It's good to hear from you again! I'll certainly be thinking of you as you hit that three year mark. I hit my five year mark in June...it's weird, but after a couple of years out, noone mentions it, it feels like you're the only one carrying on their memory, although I know others think about him, they just don't maybe remember dates like we do.

I hope things are going better for you, I know you've had a tough road...how are the kids? It's hard to believe your youngest graduated! My daughter is married and my son is attending OSU. It's weird how life seems to continue, I guess it's part of the cycle, but for us who are left behind, it's forever changed...

Love you lots!

Kay

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Kim - you know my thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope your help and that of your kids is better. ((((((((HUGS)))))))))

Kay - I think most of us don't have anything to associate someone's death with unless they were really close to that person. I don't think they mean to forget or to hurt our feelings. I recently sent a friend a not because it had been 29 years since her little boy died. It is easy for me to remember this one because he was born 2 days after my youngest daughter and he died on the birthday of twins of some friends or ours and now that is my granddaughters b'day. Had it not been for those associations though I probably wouldn't remember the exact date.

Both of you take care and know that even if I don't write on here or send a lot of PMs that I think of you.

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Dear Kim it is a nice surprise to read your post.Im always thinking about all my 0ld far away friends.How are all of you doing? I do understand you feelings.For me its 3 years and 8 months and every minute my mind is at my lost love.I have not found yet what is called new normal in fact nothing is normal the way we knew. How are your keeds ? Im thinking of you .Love from far away.TENY

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Kim,

Thank you so much for your post. I'm a newbie here, Tim has been gone almost 7 months and I struggle every day to accept it. Hearing from people that have been going through this journey for a while is a good thing. It make me realize what I'm going through is normal (if you can call this normal) and that I'm not going crazy. I couldn't agree with you more about HOV. Most of the time they supported us at home because that is where Tim wanted to be, but his last few days were at a HOV care center. They took such good care of him and of me. They talked me through every step, held me when I'd cry, prayed with us and yes they are angels!! I wil be thing of you today & will keep you in my prayers. God Bless.

Chris

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Hi Kim,

Nice to hear from you.

I don't post as often as I did in my early stages of grief.I have passed the 2 year mark and am doing alot better.

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

There are so many new people on this site. The best advise I was giving was to take baby steps and don't plan to far ahead just getting through each day can be a huge challenge.

Kim,

I hope your memories of the happy times with Dan will always bring a smile to your face.

Mary Lou

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Kim, I'm glad to hear that things can and do get easier. Right now it's still only been just a little over two weeks. Each morning is a new nightmare when I realize - again- that my husband and father of my four kids is gone.

It's nearly 3 in the morning and a wedding celebration is going on down the road (very loudly - but I can't sleep anyway), and it makes me feel even worse. I miss him so much that sometimes I feel I can't go on.

Melina

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Kim - so nice to hear from you. I think this is the first time I have heard your full story. Thanks for sharing :closedeyes: .

Korina

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