Loneliness

[melina]

I feel like I'm just using everyone here for my own benefit - instead of helping others. But it's still just a little over two weeks since my husband died. I just don't feel I can be of any help to anyone when I'm such a mess myself. I feel this intense sense of loneliness and terror that I might always feel this way. It's like I've lost my sense of safety and security - like anything can happen to me now. I'm completely vulnerable.

Having no family to back me up and allow me to lean on them makes it even worse. I don't want to lean on my children. They need me.

How do you deal with the loneliness and does it ease up? I don't want to live the rest of my life alone, yet I can't imagine living with anyone but my husband.

Melina

[MartyT]

Melina, dear ~ You say you're not helping others, yet giving voice to your feelings in this forum reassures many of us that we are not alone in what we may be feeling, too. You are so new to all of this ~ no one here expects anything from you ~ except to be honest with us about where you are in your journey. I know it feels as if you have no one to lean on, but you certainly do have all of us ~ and we will be here for you as long as you need us to be. Try not to focus on living the rest of your life "alone" ~ right now, all you need to do is to find a way to get through today. That's enough for any of us.

[kayc]

Melina,

Please don't worry about that. It's good that you found this place so soon! It's good to express your feelings, and not keep them bottled up inside of you. Don't worry about this being about you, it IS about you right now, and each and every person going through this! There will come a day when you can lend a shoulder to someone new here, but for now, you are, as Marty said, lending voice to each person who recently loss their partner and has a hard time putting into words what they are going through. This is the beauty of having a forum like this, we all have our place here and each one helps the others to make it. You are already so very special to us!

Kay

[Deb625]

Melina, just simply write, vent, scream, cry as much as you want. We are all going through this together and the grief, the loss is simply not something that "fixes" itself in a day, week, month or even year. I'm only 3 months into this new world I didn't choose and I can tell you that I think I'm out of the "fog", that I think I'm over the "shock", but I in no way have come to terms with this new life and still hope it is not really real... Your heart is broken and it hurts. Share how you feel here, save any strength you have for your children, we'll all listen and try to help you through - as your shares help us... Take care, Deb

[Maryo]

Hi Melina,

When I felt lonely and no one was around I came to this site and it was a great comfort to me. There was always someone with a kind encouraging word to get me through the hard days and nights.

Mary Lou

[melina]

Thanks everyone for being here for me. This is the only place I have to turn to with this intense grief. No one else seems to understand - nor do they seem able to deal with it.

For me, the mornings are the worst - well, pretty much all day is bad - but trying to get out of bed and deal with the day is the hardest part. I just want to sleep and try to forget it all.

Melina

[Jennalee]

Oh Melina! Honey I wish I could hug you! Mornings are the worst for me too. I wake up and think, "Oh joy. Another day without Ajay." Then I sigh and wish I could disappear. The only reason I get out of bed is because sitting there with nothing to think about but how much I miss him is even worse. But you're right mornings are horrid and days aren't that great. For some reason, evenings are better. I usually feel okay in the evenings, although tonight has been particularly hard. I think that's because it's the first night I'm spending back in my house alone since Ajay's death.

I also love to sleep. You don't feel pain when you're sleeping. I wish I could just hit a switch and sleep for months until this was all over. But I guess it doesn't work that way. I'd just wake up months later and still be grieving. Even though we hate being awake, we are actually healing when we're awake, whether it feels like it or not.

[Korina]

Melina - I think the others have said it all. Don't hold back in this forum. In the first months, I knew I needed to get help from other sources, and I didn't hesitate to seek it out.

Korina