Loneliness In A Group Of People

[west]

I was with my family and extended family last weekend for a bar-be-que. People tend not to bring up my deceased husband's name and it is sad. Even though there were so many people around, I felt this loneliness from within. Does this loneliness eventually pass?

[MartyT]

Dear One ~ You say you find it sad that people tend not to mention your deceased husband's name. You may find this article helpful: I Don't Care How Long It's Been -- Can We Talk About My Loved One? by Bob Baugher, PhD

See also this post I just saw on Facebook: Say His Name, Please

[kayc]

Sometimes it helps break the ice if you bring it up. I remember my mom telling me how much she appreciated my talking about my dad because most people avoided mentioning him, as if it'd make her remember (as if she could ever forget!). How well I understood that when my own husband died. I've always appreciated my friend and my sisters and kids bringing up George's name and talking about him with me. It feels GOOD to me that people remember him!

[FaithFull]

I, too, have experienced the feeling of being all alone in a crowd ... especially where people were paired off .. even with family and friends. I keep looking around for my special guy ... my rational mind knowing he is gone forever ... my heart still longing to find him standing nearby. Sometimes I made it through these gatherings; other times I just slipped away. Overall, I do believe that time spent with people who truly care about you is extremely important. My thoughts are with you.

FaithFull

[Cheryl]

Soon after my husband died we got together with immediate family and the very same thing happened. I was devestated. The next day my mother in law called in tears. She told me she felt so guilty for not talking about her son the night before. I asked her why she had avoided his name. She said that she was afraid it would make everyone sad. We both agreed that we were going to be sad either way and promiced each other that we would never avoid the feelings of our loss or Mark's name again.

Now whenever we get together we talk about Mark and recall our memories. Sometimes we cry and sometimes we laugh. I suggest tht next time you are all together that you break the ice. Tell everyone you feel sad that his name is being avoided and that you'd like to let them know you need to hear his name and need to hear their stories.

Good luck! cheryl

[Jennalee]

My loss is so recent (one week ago) that Ajay is still big news, but I also fear the day when no one brings him up. I've decided I will bring him up, and I will not hesitate to let people know I want to talk about him. I can also relate to being alone in a crowd already. It's unpleasant to say the least. I see couples everywhere and every single dang song on the radio is all about loving and leaving and the leaving is always a break up and never something as final as death. But I'm meeting it head on. I'm keeping the radio on instead of turning it off and trying to just enjoy the tune or the beat. I can really tend to bury my head in the sand and I don't want to do this with this cause I suspect it will prolong my recovery. I'm finding that by not avoiding uncomfortable feelings and situations, I'm becoming desensitized to them. I just wish I didn't have such a long way to go.

[Korina]

I am so lucky to be surrounded by people who aren't afraid to talk about Scott. And for those that are uncomfortable about it, there are many more who aren't. Talk about him. It may be that people don't want to bring up his name for fear of making you sad. And if talking about him makes you cry, just say that talking and crying really helps. All those folks probably just don't know what to do around you or what to expect.

Hugs,

Korina