Very Bad Day - Need Encouragement Again

[melina]

I've started off with a very bad day. Have been lying in bed crying for three hours now and can't seem to get up. I've got kids downstairs and appointments to reach, but everything just seems so overwhelming.

I just can't believe this has happened to us. I feel so bad for our kids. I know they're grown - the youngest is 19 - but they deserved a father too and a grandfather for their kids. It's so unfair when I see other older, and not very nice men who live long healthy lives.

I'm so scared to be alone - probably forever.

I hate this so much.

Melina

[Billw]

Melina,

It's hard to get going some days and it seems impossible at times but we have to dig deep and put one foot in front of the other. These are the days when we we have to just take one thing off of that overwhelming pile and concentrate on just that, when we are finished we move on to the next thing. I hate this too and there are days when I just stall out completely and do not want to participate in life. I have to remember that my wife wanted me to keep moving no matter what.

I got very ill last week and ended up in the ER, as I laid there, all of the last hospital trips through my wife's cancer kept running through my head and I started to cry, I was in a lot of pain and there was a lot going through my head laying down there that day. I thought about the torture she had put up with to try to stay here and it really put things into perspective. I also was saddened by the fact that she is no longer here to comfort me when I am sick. I have had to spend a lot of time at home the last week and my mind works on me pretty hard sometimes, after all of that I was thankful to leave the house and go back to work yesterday. Some days are extremely hard and I am also not liking being on my own, I ask God to guide me in the mornings and try to keep a good memory close to my heart on the way out the door. I know she is with me when I carry gratitude for the time we spent together (I can feel it) but some times it is very hard to reach that spot. I believe there is hope and I know this will take time. I still attend therapy, I try to socialize with friends, and I am not isolating. I am trying to do everything that feels unnatural at this point (everything is unnatural) I want to feel better and I want to keep moving,some days it is hard though. We need to be patient with ourselves and take our time, this is a huge wound that is going to take a while to heal. I am finally starting to get that through my head a little.

Take care and God bless, I will send thoughts and prayers your way today..................BW

[Jennalee]

Melina, you will not be alone forever. With your youngest at 19, you cannot be very far up there. Right now the thought of anyone other then your dear husband probably makes you sick, but this will pass. And even if you never marry again, you have your children who love you so very much, and I know there are social groups you can get involved in. Hardly compares to the loss of your husband... trust me, I KNOW! But it's so much better than staring at the walls.

I know this is hard, so hard it seems impossible! But that's just it. It seems that way, even though it's not really that way. These things are possible if we take them one task at a time. I'm getting really tired of hearing that. "One day at a time," "One step at a time..." it just makes me want to scream!! But it is true. I'm finding this out every day. I can't stand the thought of how overwhelming the next few months seem. I can't handle that. But I can handle one day. Just today. That's all I try to focus on. I set up a few tasks to tackle and give myself a huge pat on the back when I've accomplished them.

Don't think about the future and being lonely forever (which won't happen) or any of that. Just focus on your appointments for today. You can do those. We're not going to worry about tomorrow right now, we're going to worry about today and today only.

Take care, Melina. We're here for you.

[west]

I agree just think about one thing to do today and just that. do not overwhelm yourself. You need to take the time for yourself and not worry about what else needs to be done. My kids are in their 20s and I feel the worse for them since they are struggling with their dad's death. It makes me try to be stronger for them. How lucky we re to have them in our lives. I know that my husband was so worried about us, and I did not understand that, unfortunately now I do. It takes so much energy to continue, but I know that you will be able to do it. Just keep writing and getting support. It has been almost 6 months and I cannot even believe it has been that long.

Take care.

West

[kayc]

Melina,

One of the things I had to learn is that I am my own best friend. I lost my best friend, George, and now I am that. That means I have to treat myself kindly, be gentle with myself, boost myself up, encourage myself, and pamper myself. It means taking good care of myself physically and in other ways.

My kids are in their 20s and busy with their lives. It's easy to feel I don't matter to anyone, but I have to matter to me. Getting out and being interactive with others helps, it's hard because I don't have a lot of spare time, esp. considering I have to do everything at home and support myself, but I make the effort in as much as I can. That is something that is often hard for newbies to do, but when you are up to it, try to mingle with others, even if it stretches you to do so.

And remember, kids aren't always good at thinking of us or expressing themselves, but I guarantee you, we matter to them. We have to go on...and I hope/pray someday I get a grandchild to bless my life with...

Kay

[closs86]

Hi Melina,

I feel your pain, I was with my husband for 44 years, and we were only 60 when he passed suddenly and unexpected for what else cancer, I also don't know any other life except being with him and don't want to, this is so unfair, and we are left here to deal with it, my grand children were lucky enough to get to know him, but I wonder if they will really remember him, they are between 7 and 11 years old, kind of young, I hope that they remember something of him, he loved them so much. I also don't know how I am living without him, I seem to be existing from one day to the next, and before I know it another week has passed. I am seeing a counselor one on one, and I think she is helping guide me a little. It is just a painful journey,

Take care of yourself

Karen

[Korina]

Many a day when I had to force my butt out of bed (if I didn't have Kailyn to feed, I may have laid there all day). One day at a time, one moment at a time.

Korina