Loneliness

[melina]

I have been in deep despair today too, like others here. It started when I got out of bed and worsened when I talked to my son about his grief. I also have this incredible sense of deep loneliness. I've never felt anything like it before - like being locked in a dark room. Calling friends or family doesn't help. I talked to two of my sons today and one friend, but that black, hollow loneliness just gets bigger and bigger. I know that it's because I can't talk with the one person I really need to talk with, and I'll never be able to do that again. I miss my husband so much I can't stand it.

I just can't stop sobbing. Is it normal to have days where the crying just goes on and on? I feel like I'm losing my mind, and long to feel normal again. I wonder if that will ever happen.

Melina

[Billw]

Hi Melina, I feel your pain and have felt exactly the same as what you are describing, I had one of those horrible weekends last week and cried a lot, walked around in the haze, and missed my wife so bad it physically hurt. I wish I had some profound solution to offer. All I have is this forum to use and a few good friends to lean on sometimes when I get to that painful spot. Dropping to my knees and praying for this to be removed offers relief from time to time but nothing takes that ache away some days. We walk through this a day at a time, some days a minute at a time. I will keep praying for you and sending good thoughts your way. You say you can't talk with your husband, I believe you can. I talk to my wife just as if she is here in the room beside me, it does bring me comfort. Call it crazy, maybe it is. I'm sure I have had more sane days in my life but for now I am feeling the feelings. Please stay close to this site and keep posting, there is healing through contact with others in the same pain as you. Take care my friend.......BW

[Jennalee]

Melina, I know this is hard and I'm so sorry. We're not lonely for people, are we? We're lonely for our husbands!!! Still, when I feel that horrid loneliness creeping in, I reach out for company. I invite someone over to watch a movie with me or I just go to their house. It helps. Just a tiny bit but it's better than being super alone.

I also think you should start talking to your husband. You might not believe it, but it does bring some relief. I talk to Ajay a lot. Mostly in the car but sometimes at home or even when I'm walking my dog. I also write him letters in my journal. And some days I'll just ask God to tell Ajay this or let him know that. It keeps me sane.

[Korina]

I think I miss talking to Scott more than anything else. He was so smart - I will never have conversations anything close to the ones I could have with him.

And I haven't been able to put a movie in the blue-ray to watch by myself. I can watch movies in the dvd when other people are around, but not alone, not yet. We watched so many movies together.

Melina, your tears are so normal. I am crying right now. I cry just about every time I come to this forum. But for me, it is an outlet that I need. My days lately have been very busy, with little time to feel the loss. So I let them come.

As for feeling normal, I believe we have to grow into a new normal, because our old normal is gone. But our new normal can be a good thing, because as we go through all this grief, we acquire a new strength, new knowledge, new empathy, new appreciation. It takes time, and no one can tell you how long because it is your journey. Remember, we are all here for you.

Korina

[Deb625]

I have been in deep despair today too, like others here. It started when I got out of bed and worsened when I talked to my son about his grief. I also have this incredible sense of deep loneliness. I've never felt anything like it before - like being locked in a dark room. Calling friends or family doesn't help. I talked to two of my sons today and one friend, but that black, hollow loneliness just gets bigger and bigger. I know that it's because I can't talk with the one person I really need to talk with, and I'll never be able to do that again. I miss my husband so much I can't stand it.

I just can't stop sobbing. Is it normal to have days where the crying just goes on and on? I feel like I'm losing my mind, and long to feel normal again. I wonder if that will ever happen.

Melina

Hi Melina, if you are losing your mind, there are a lot of people on this site losing theirs too - me included. Some days are horrible, some day dreadful, some days okay... I just trust it will all get easier and it has a little over the last 4 months so there is hope... I too talk to my Michael all the time and I think I sigh "Oh Michael" a 100 times a day - he hasn't answered yet... Believe me I would give anything to have him hold me and tell me it's all going to be okay and oh what I'd give to hear his laughter... Be gentle and feel... Take care, Deb

[sunstreet]

Dear Melina,

I am so sorry for your pain. I have felt the same feelings. I want to share with you that I started a letter to my partner, the morning after she died, and I am still writing that letter. I also talk to my partner into a tape recorder. It helps me so very much so thought I would share.

Blessings,

Carol Ann

[kayc]

Normal? Oh, yes! We've all been there, done that. (((hugs)))