Bobby's Widow Posted September 16, 2010 Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 I was widowed suddenly and unnecessarily 2.5 yrs. ago. My husband was only 51 and I was 48. He was an independent truck driver and on the road to Laredo TX at the time. Luckily (I guess if lucky can even be applied) he had gotten no farther than GA - we live in SC - before he started having problems. He died of a dissecting aotic aneurysm. Usually people just fall over dead of these. He lived almost 24 hrs. The drs. couldn't diagnose the problem, although from my reading he had all of the classic symptoms. He was shuffled from one hospital to another, drs. mismanaged his care, etc. There is an active medical malpratice suit in progress. The experts say if he had been diagnosed and treated correctly he would most probably have recovered completely and still be with me now. As it was I didn't even make it to the hospital they had transferred him to in time to see him one last time. I had to go to north GA to get his cat off the truck (his request) then drive another 3hrs. to get to him. Shortly after I arrived I was told he was brain dead and all I could do at that point is make the decision to remove him from life support. I was all alone. I say all of this as background. He was my best friend as well as my husband. I grew up in the Air Force and he was one of the few people I'd known my whole life. We'd always been friends but in 1996 something happened and it bacame more than that. He understood me and accepted me exactly as I was. He once told me when I apologized for not having make up on that when he looked at me all he saw was me, not whether I was wearing make up or not he just saw ME. Since his death I have been a totally different person. My first thought every morning is of his absence. I am agoraphobic and will only leave home when I absolutely have to. I am severely depressed and have even considered suicide but my beliefs tell me I will never see him again if I do that so I keep struggling to get by. No antidepressant works so I don't take anything. I keep getting sabotaged by memories that come out of nowhere and kick me in the gut so hard it takes my breath. We had so many good times together doing everything and nothing. When will I be able to deal with this??? When will the hurting become bearable??? When will I feel whole again not half of something and incomplete??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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