Cris

Melina,I dont post often but felt I needed to respond. I truly know how you feel. My husband Larry passed away almost 5 years ago. There is not a day that goes by that I dont miss him terribly. He had a massive heart attack and I never had a chance to say goodbye. I left to run an errand and came home to my world never being the same. He died on his Bday. He was only 52. I feel most days like I just dont belong anywhere. I am so lucky and blessed to have 2 children and many friends. But, most days I just mainly feel lonely for him!!!! Not just a man but HIM. Yes I have learned to live with the pain. It never leaves me. But I will say some days are better then others. But I always feel empty inside. My daughter is expecting my 1st grandchild. Im over the moon. But, still the pain is there because he isnt here to be excited with me! Im living my life and trying to go on. But, it will never truly be what I want. I wish I felt like I belonged somewhere. I only tell my bestfriend and Mother inlaw how I truly feel. They seem to get it. But they have no answers either. All I can say is your not alone. You only grieve as much as you loved! And I know I loved him more then myself. It sounds the same for you. If you get anything out of this rambling its that you will survive. You might not like it but you do it. Im not gona lie. Its hard and a work in progress. Some people recover quicker then others. Dont compare yourself to anyone else. I do sometimes and then remind myself everyone loves differently. Hang in there! I pray for all of us here that did not choose this club we belong to. Hugs Cris

Deborah, I thought of you often today and said a prayer that somehow you get thru the day! Neither of us will ever be the same with out our Larrys!! We were lucky to be loved so much. But it doesnt take away the pain we feel. 4 and half years fro me and I still cry almost everyday. Not as bad as it use to be so I quess in some crazy way thats a start. Keep in touch! Hugs Cris

Deborah, Just wanted to say youll be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow. I know how hard that day can be! I miss my Larry so much too. I dont post much because Im working fulltime now and I dont have much to say. I still come to read so that I dont feel crazy some days. I will never be the same Im just trying to still fiqure out my normal?! There are few days that I dont cry but I am learning to live with the pain. I hate the Holidays so much!!! It use to be the best time of the year for me. We also had another blow in our family. My daughter recently lost her 1st baby. She was only 3 months along but I had such high hopes that it would help us all heal alittle. Now I am so scared to hope for anything!!! Well didnt mean to babble. Hang in there. I feel your pain. I hope someone is going to spend the day with you. Hugs Cris Another girl who misses her Larry!!!!

Dear Mary, You took the words right out of my mouth. I lost my husband Larry 4 years ago. Im 53 and feel the same way. I could live a long time without him. I have no interest in another man. Could never picture being with one! But, Im so lonely for him some days I dont know what to do. I have good friends and loving kids. But no one can take his place. I thought maybe things were going to look up because my daughter was expecting. It was bitter sweet but, I was so very happy! She lost the baby last week another loss to try to understand!! I know the baby is in heaven with Larry but, it still is sso very painful to see my daughter in so much pain. She never really dealt with her Daddys death. He died of a massive heart attack. Never got to say Goodbye!!! Throw the pain at me but, it destroys me to see her like this. Ive never seen a grief counsler. But if this place Im in continues I might consider it. Sorry to ramble on. Just in a bad place today. My point being is your not alone with the way you feel. Hang in there. Its normal. Atleast for us. Hugs Cris

Mrs B. , I know about the pain of coming home to your whole world being blown up! I went to run errands and get a cake mix for my Larrys Bday and came home and he had a massive heart attack! On his Bday. So now if I cant get a hold of someone I love I panic real quick. Thankyou for your kind words and I pray for all of us to find some peace and Happiness. Thankyou all for responding to this post. It does help to know its just not you that feels these things! Hugs to all Cris

I hate Sundays! Does anyone else have trouble with this day? Larry and I always just hung out and I think thats why they are so unbearable! No matter how busy I keep myself and I do you have to come home at some point!! Not that every day isnt lonely but Sundays are a killer!! Is it because another week is ahead of me? I dont know anymore. I think I just had a really bad week! It could be because for the 1st time Im flying by myself to visit my bestfriend in KW Florida. I leave next Sat. I know Im so lucky to be able to go but here again its her,her husband, and ME! I never flew alone and Im scared silly! Oh well, If Im going to be alone I quess I have to get use to it. Right!? Thanks for listening! I pray for all of us on this site that we can find some peace and Happiness! Hugs to all Cris

Debbylh, I know exactly how you feel! My husband & I were together for 30 years. Im only 52. Im so lonely for him it takes my breath away sometimes!! I cant believe Ive made it this far without him! He use to say to me Time Marches on Cris it stops for no one!I quess hes right in some ways. But my life seems to have stopped with out him! Hugs to all! Cris

Mfh, I have dreams sometimes of Larry too! They are like you say BITTERSWEET. I dont want to wake up and when I do I just want to go back to sleep!It will be 4 years in June for me!I was angry at first too! Thats normal. I still get mad sometimes that I have to be alone when all my friends still have there husbands! Dont get me wrong I dont wish this pain on my worst enemy! I too will miss Larry until the day I die and get to be with him again!I will be thinking of you in the up coming weeks and pray that you get through it with out too much pain! But I know from experience that for me the weeks leading up to certain dates are worse then the day itself! So be kind to yourself and take care of YOU!!!! Hugs Cris

I know what you mean! Its been almost 4 years for me. June 4th is the date Im dreading!It will also be my Larrys Bday. Some days are better then others! But the pain is always there. You do learn to live with it but its hard! I dont know how long its been for you? But I didnt have this site till lately. Keep posting here the people here truly know and feel your pain. We all are on this journey not by choice! I have survived this long if that helps you. Some people heal quicker then others. I wish I could say I was one of them! I was with my husband for 30 years. So I hate being alone and a widow at 52!! Hang in there. I pray for peace and happiness for us all no matter how long it takes! Cris

Melina Dont be hard on your self you are doing great! It will be 4 years in June that I lost my Larry! The first 2 years are a complete blur to me. They say sudden deaths will do that to you! I dont remember much and thats ok! The last year and a half have been tough because its like reality setting in! I decided last year to sell my house and move closer to my daughter. Otherwise I would have probably never went through his things! I make my self go out here and there, I to walk the dog and go to work and feel tired alot! Grieving is very hard work! Like they say you only grieve has deep as you loved!! And I loved Larry sooo much! I quess Ive come a long way but I still cry alot for him! Some days are better then others. Everyone tells me Im doing better or is that what they want??? I have no idea most days. I dont post much but wanted to tell you to take your time and dont let anyone push you! Most people mean well but they just want us better! Im trying to learn to live with the pain. I dont think well ever get over it! I know I wont! Keep doing what your doing ypur doing great! Posting here will help you! I wish Id had this site in the beginning but Im glad I found it. Take care of you! I pray for all of us here that we all fing peace and happiness . Cris

Thankyou Di! Your husband would be very proud of you!! You sound like a very strong woman. Here I am much further along on this journey then you and your helping me!! Sometimes I let the grief take over when Im sad and lonely and missing him sooo much. But reading here helps put thing in order! I wish you peace and happiness to you and all of us on this very hard journey!! Hugs Cris

Thankyou Deborah! It was nice hearing from you! Im staying at my daughters this week and using her computer. I think of you often and wonder how your doing!? Im having a bad couple days and its been so nice to come to this site. I just hesitate to post I feel so much like you do about scaring the new ones! I dont know some days how I ever got this far! June 4th will be here before you know it and April is my Bday May my anniversary. Need I say more! The next couple months will be painful to say the least. I pray for all of us here! Take care of yourself and know your in my prayers! Thankyou Cherly also for your response. I appreciate everyones input! Hugs to all Heaven knows we all can use them! Cris

Thankyou Kay! I agree with you!! No amount of time is ever going to totally heal all this pain. Someone told me that you just learn to live with it so it becomes bearable! Yesterday was a bad day for me because I took my daughter and soninlaw to the airport for a trip. They were going to the same island that Larry and I went many times for my Bday. It was our special place!! I was so happy for them and so sad for me!!! I cries the whole way home. I miss him sooo bad sometimes I cant breathe. Anyway thanks for responding! Hugs to you too! Cris

Danosgirl, Im alot further along on this journey so I dont post too much! But Im going to say that I wish I would have had this site as early as you have found it! The people here seem wonderful and caring! I come here to remind myself Im not crazy for still missing my Larry soooo much! Plus I can see that Ive slowly am surviving this! Even if its very slow! Its not that way for everyone! It will be 4 years in June which I think is why Im having so much trouble lately. Sometimes it feels like it just happened! It was so sudden I never saw it coming! Massive heart attacks due that! I was with him for 30 years! I loved him beyond words!!! Anyway keep posting and taking it day by day! I pray for all of us on this site that we didnt ask to be here but Thank God its here! Hugs Cris

Thankyou Lainey! I know I have to work on letting go of the pain! Somedays are better then others. But yes we are very lucky to have had the true love that we had! It still hurts to be without them! But Im going to try! My kids deserve that much! I think being afraid of the future without him is one of the hardest for me. I was always the strong one and now I feel like such a baby! I just new he always was there for me ! I wish peace and some happiness for us all on this site! Hugs Cris

Thankyou Melina! I know in my head that is one of the reasons I cant seem to let go! Im trying so hard to live for if nothing else my kids! They dont deserve to worry about losing me too! He died of a massive heart attack on his Bday! I came home from running an errand and mt life was over!!They say sudden deaths are the hardest. But any loss is !! I know you only grieve as deeply as you loved! And God knows I loved that man!! Thanks again to you and Keyboard for your kind words!

I dont post very often because I feel too that I should be better by now! I come to this site and read all the posts so I dont feel like Im alone with all these crazy feelings. It will soon be 4 years in June for me. Ive made alot of changes this past year and I was hoping it would help me not miss Larry so so much!!!! But this time of year I seem to have trouble. I read Deborahs post and realized Im not alone with these feelings! Alot of you have been lonely too! Ive come a long way but still cry alot! I was with him for 30 wonderful years! I was only 19 when we got together and now a widow at 52. I hate that word! I have 2 fantastic kids and good friends and feel guilty complaining when some have none of this. I am very thankful but still hurt so so much. At times I think there is something wrong with me! Im so scared of the future without him!I pray everyday for the pain to lessen. I Think Im afraid to let go of the pain?! It seems like the only constant in my life. Does that even make sense?? Well anyway I wont ramble on. But I do thank everyone on this site for being honest! I pray for all of us on this site no matter how short or how long weve been on this journey none of us asked for! God Bless Cris

I started to say Do you want the truth or do you want me to lie?? You find out real quick who really wants to know! They either stop asking and act like nothings wrong or they really care and want to know! After time people think your fine just because you keep your tears to yourself! But its been 3 years for me and it still hurts when people act like I should be like I use to be! But what they dont understand is you will never be that person again. You just learn to live with the pain! You never stop missing him! But you do survive. Hang in there and keep posting here. I just found this site and its a very caring place! Best of luck and my prayers are with all of us. Cris

Im fairly new to this site but I lost my husband 3 years ago. I wish I would have had this site then. Dont be so hard on yourself! Everything you say is normal. I still miss my Larry every day and night! I still can cry at the drop of a hat! In fact I do cry most mornings! The only thing is I try to do it in the morning when I walk my dog and pray! I will never stop loving him and missing him!!I am just trying to learn to live with the pain. Its not easy bt any means. But I have survived thus far. I lost alot of weight and could not eat anything he and I ate together. Or watch shows we did together!! But Im slowly getting alittle better with that. When you love somebody more then yourself its gona take a long time if ever to heal. You never get over it you just learn to live with it!! Keep posting here there seems to be alot of caring people who understand our pain! I wish I would have had this when I first lost him. But Its helped now to know I wasnt nuts! Hang in there and God Bless all of us! Cris

Im fairly new to this site but not new to this pain! I lost my husband Larry 3 years ago. You never get over it you try to live with it! I tell everyone you only grieve as deep as you loved!! I just got back from vacation with my kids and their spouses and another couple that was my husbands best friend. I have a place in NC where we have gone as a family for 23 years! An it never gets totally better. I still cry when I walk into the mst br and all I see is my things and not his!! My kids and friends are great but they dont truely understand my pain. Nor do I want them to! I was with that man for 30 years. Since I was 19. I hate to see couples also. Old, young it doesnt matter! I can only hope we all can learn to live with our losses. If I can offer anything it is that you will survive this. I hope everyone keeps posting here. I wish i would have had this site 3 years ago! I will pray for all of us here in a club we didnt want to join!! Hugs Cris

I truly understand your pain! I lost my husband Larry 3 years ago! He was only 52 and I was 49. He had a heart attack on his Bday and died. I found this site by accident one very lonely weekend just recently. The people here seem really understanding and feel the same pain. I didnt want in this club but it wasnt my choice.I still cry everyday. Sometimes a little sometimes a lot! But, i do believe I will be with him again. I wont lie Ive felt like dying also! But I have 2 wonderful kids and would never do that to them. The pain sometimes takes over. I try also to walk the dog everyday and pray and talk to him. I have very good friends but feel they truly have no idea! Unless you lost the love of your life you dont get it!!I never would wish this pain on anyone!! But I will say if you keep busy and hold onto the memories you have it helps! Hang in there and dont give up! Its a total work in progress! God Bless Cris

chrissie, Im new to this site but not new to the grief and lonliness of missing my husband Larry. He died 3 years ago from a Heart attack on his Birthday. He was only 52. I miss him everyday and everynite. You never get over it you just learn to live with it! I still cry but try to make time in the morning when i walk the dog and pray and talk to him. I read you only grieve as deep as you loved! I keep trying to tell people that. Everyone means well but they just want you to be ok! Unless you lost your husband I dont want to hear it! I wish Id have had this site when I first lost him. I found this bt accident over a long weekend of being sad! So keep posting here . It seems like alot of great people here who understand our pain, God Bless and hang in there! Cris

Bill, Im new to this site. I lost my husband 3 years ago and I still can have those days! I like you try to stay as busy as possible. But It still doesnt take away the lonliness and that empty feeling. You are lucky to have found this site so early! I didnt know something like this was here. I found this by accident a couple weeks ago. I couldnt believe how much it hit home. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Thats all we can do ! Keep posting. The people here seem very caring and understanding. None of us choose this club it chose us! Take care and God Bless! Cris

MZM,Im new to this site ! I found it by accident. I lost my husband 3 years ago and I still hate weekends and Holidays the most.It still is hard. But, I try to keep as busy as possible and that helps alittle. I cant say its better but somehow You just keep trying to go on without them. I miss my Larry everyday and always will ! You are so lucky to have found this site so early. I wish I would have had this early on. I thought I was the oddball about all the feeling I had and still do! All most everything I read here I have thought or felt but I thought it was just me. Dont let anyone ever make you feel like you cant cry or miss them! I read once that you only grieve as deep as you loved!! Hang in there and keep posting here. It seems like a great bunch of people that are caring and know our pain post on this site. God Bless Cris

Melina,Im knew to this site as you can tell I hit the wrong button! Dont be so hard on yourself and take your time where work is concerned.My husband has been gone 3 years now.It took a while for me to go back to selling Real estate. Now Im not doing that anymore. Do stay busy doing something it does help! As far as your son goes, Mine is 28 and just now is talking about is Dad. In a general way. My daughter is 31 and she still has trouble. It hurts me to see them in pain. But,I hope in time we will all heal! So dont rush yourself. My husband was only 52 and dies on his Birthday of a heart attack!I ran to the office and came home to my whole world blown up! So hang in there! Im making it slowly buy surely!