Making The Loneliness Go Away

[emptyinside]

Having a bad day. I feel this insidious loneliness, like I'm not on the same wavelength as the rest of the world. It's like I have nothing holding me in a stable, secure spot, and my sadness seems never-ending. I look at old pictures of myself and don't recognize her. She seemed so happy and, well, NORMAL...and now I feel like an insane mess with a different personality. I feel like if I look in the mirror, I won't have a reflection. I don't know how to make this better. Has anyone improved at all from this feeling, if anyone relates? It feels endless.

[Kavish]

I know I do feel empty , if I may use that word, because I did not do all the things that I would have done now with my best friend, Dabby. I feel that I lost that opportunity. SO to make up for it , I have to find her again. It is a new journey with new directions to take and I will travel it to find her again. That is the only way I can cope with her going away. But I travel this journey with a belief that she is waiting for me and will travel along me , guiding me.

Regards,

Kavish

[Daughter2010]

I think in time we learn to live with the pain of losing. Every night I think about the many things and moments I would have gotten to enjoy with my father if he were here to hug him and tell him. But I also know in time i will get my chance to tell him all , when it is my turn to go. The first few months of grief i could not do much or concentrate on anything, if at all I was able to somewhat focus on work. The pain remains there but it is not as excruciating as it was in the beginning. This does not mean we will stop missing them, quite on the opposite I think about my father everyday and I will miss him for the rest of my life.

That is simply life, and I think going through this experience, makes us all more aware of others pain, and we become more compassionate.

Early on my grief I learned not to put a time table on my feelings but just to let them be. At times I have felt lonely, and others I have felt surrounded by too many. As we go through this journey our feelings and emotions will change, it doesn't mean the pain goes away but rather we learn to live with it and still do what we need to do in life. We just know that we have to keep going and we simply do that.

I know I am not the same person I was before my father passed on. I don't expect to be the same though. I may laugh less, or find some jokes stupid or see things in a completely different way. Is that bad? I don't think so. If my friends find me different...who cares. I have the right to feel the way I do, if they are my friends they will be understanding of that and give me my space and be ready for me when I need them.

What would it be of us if we didn't have memories to hold on to? Memories of good and bad times. What if we had no recollection of the great moments we spent with our loved ones. How would we honor their memory?

Maybe I am rambling a little bit, but all I wanted to say is that the pain and loneliness will get easier. I do think we will always feel the loss but we will learn to live with it and keep going. So don't dismay and don't be too hard on yourself.

Big hug for you,

-L

[Kavish]

I know that who I am I would not change. I know that I would do what I can to keep my heart singing for ever with her name. Thanks to all for your messages. It makes the journey not so difficult knowing so many are travelling this path.

Regards,

Kavish

[pattysmooth]

I miss my Mom very much. Last wednesday was her birthday. I cried because it was the first time I wasn't with her to celebrate it. I know she is at peace and not in any pain but I miss her terribly and wish for fifteen minutes to just talk to her or tell her how much I loved her. It hurts so bad and I know I have to go on but no one can take her place. Please someone tell me how you cope with the loss when a birthday or holiday comes up.

[MartyT]

Patty, dear ~ You may find this article helpful: Creating Personal Grief Rituals

[Shaka403]

Patty,

I am with you...if only we could just have that 15 minutes to tell them everything that we haven't been able to share!! I don't know what your faith is if any, but I am a Christian, and I know that my mom is in heaven living the good life. I have found myself recently asking God to give her messages for me. I mean I figure why not...I think God loves us enough, and it's no problem for him. I believe in my heart he relays the messages. It makes me feel better anyway. As far as birthdays/holidays goes I am about to find out. My birthday is this coming Sunday, and it will be the first without her. I don't know what that is going to be like, and I guess we are all about to go through the holidays. I know it will be very weird, and feel wrong without her, but I am going to do my best to remember how much fun we had on past holidays and hopefully fill some of it with laughter. After all they would not want us to be sad during the holidays...rather grab hold of the family you still have here, and just embrace it! I hope maybe some of this helped you. It's amazing that when you offer some advice that you feel better yourself. I am no expert, and am still learning along the way. My mom has only been gone 4 months so I still have a long way to go I'm sure..just hang in there, and honor them when you get the chance.