Controlling Your Wife?

[Suzanne R.]

Many feel the same as me for the sorrow and sadness we go through and I do thank you for allowing me to vent and share my deepest secrets and for your support but when someone says to me,"would your husband want you to live this way," whether they mean I am waiting for God, or not moving on, or saying I have no joy. I would like to say to those (just to let you know everyone here is very considerate and understanding) but I would venture to say to those who talk about what my husband would say to me, I don't understand why anyone would say this, because would anyone want to have a husband control his wife while he was living, so why would they want to have a husband control his wife from beyond (putting it nicely) because I can't control my thoughts and feelings. Thank you for being here, as I do find solace, comfort and relief here.

God bless,

Suzanne

[kayc]

Suzanne,

I don't think people mean to infer you should let your husband control you but a lot of us want to consider their wishes, what they thought and felt meant a great deal to us, that is why we were with them.

[MartyT]

Suzanne, dear ~ I wonder if that comment may have been simply someone's effort to suggest that your husband loved you enough to want you to go on living a full life after he died, even though he himself could not. That is not to say that you don't have every right to miss him and to mourn the loss of him, for as long as you need to do that. I think of it this way: When I die (as I surely will one day), of course I want my family members to miss me terribly, and I hope they will feel very sad that I have died ~ but I certainly do not want them to stop living the rest of their own lives or to spend the rest of their days immersed in eternal sorrow. I want them to know that the best way they can remember me (once they've mourned the loss of me) is to go on to live a good life in my honor.

You may find this thread of interest, especially the post about loving yourself at least as much as your loved one loves you: What's My Problem

[Suzanne R.]

Dear KayC,

The reason I posted this was because I don't like this question when a widow, who should realize that what works for one person, even many people, doesn't necessarily work for everyone. I guess each of us have our own weak spot. But you have an excellent point.

God bless,

Suzanne

Suzanne,

I don't think people mean to infer you should let your husband control you but a lot of us want to consider their wishes, what they thought and felt meant a great deal to us, that is why we were with them.

[Suzanne R.]

Dear MartyT,

This post was just my way of saying I don't like when someone who's widowed asks me the question,"What would your husband think.." I think that people who have lost a loved one should know that one answer doesn't fit everyone, sort of the same as saying, "it gets better in time". Lots of people agree with me about this and I thought some people may want to know that this phrase isn't always appreciated. That's all I was saying. Hope I didn't offend you.

God bless,

Suzanne

Suzanne, dear ~ I wonder if that comment may have been simply someone's effort to suggest that your husband loved you enough to want you to go on living a full life after he died, even though he himself could not. That is not to say that you don't have every right to miss him and to mourn the loss of him, for as long as you need to do that. I think of it this way: When I die (as I surely will one day), of course I want my family members to miss me terribly, and I hope they will feel very sad that I have died ~ but I certainly do not want them to stop living the rest of their own lives or to spend the rest of their days immersed in eternal sorrow. I want them to know that the best way they can remember me (once they've mourned the loss of me) is to go on to live a good life in my honor.

You may find this thread of interest, especially the post about loving yourself at least as much as your loved one loves you: What's My Problem

[MartyT]

I understand, Suzanne ~ and I assure you that nothing you've said has offended me ♥