A Long Weekend....sigh

[Perkins808]

While everyone else at work sits and talks of their plans for a nice long weekend, I'm left wondering what I am going to do with 3 entire days at home. And to top it off, my 3 day weekend will be followed up on Tuesday by what should have been my first wedding anniversary with my husband.

I have been telling myself for the last month that I will not let myself be consumed with grief on that day. I will try to find a way to quietly celebrate my love for such a special man. I am not normally the type to wallow, I try to find even the tiniest thing to be positive about - much to the annoyance of some around me sometimes .

As much as I am hoping that next Tuesday is not overwhelming.....this week certainly has been. Maybe I am getting it out of my system now? I woke up having an anxiety attack in the middle of the night Monday night.....and then spent two complete days crying and crying. It's been 3 months since Jeff died, and it really surprised me to feel these things at THIS point. But from what I have read on some of your posts, it seems to be normal that you will be doing well for a while, and then BAM! you are just taken by surprise. Maybe the numbness is really wearing off and I am now feeling everything??

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we were able to take the one step forward, and not take any steps back? I know that this is not the way that grief works (for me anyway) but it would be nice to feel like I had a sense of where I was at in this process and that I was making some progress.

[melina]

Weekends are hard enough - long weekends are really the pits.

I spoke with a man I know who lost his wife five years ago. I explained how these fits of acute grief just suddenly hit me out of nowhere and left me feeling horrible. He said he recognized them and called them "aftershocks". I think that's a good term. I have aftershocks now and then that are different from the regular sadness and longing for my husband. These are more powerful, and I sob like a toddler - can't do a thing. Today I have actually had an okay Friday, probably because I've been busy with necessary things. But I set up an appointment with my grief counselor for Monday, because I know what weekends tend to do to me. On Mondays, I notice that I feel especially lonely and need someone to talk to.

Hope you get through your weekend without too much crying. Maybe weekends are when we need this group the most?

Melina

[sunstreet]

Oh it is so true days off are hard and then a holiday weekend as well. Yes, it would be grand if we could just keep moving through this journey without having to experience times when the pain feels insurmountable again and having to work through it again. You mention you wish you had a sense of where you are in this process. One thing that I find quite useful is to look back on my journals from days and times that have already passed and I can see that I am definitely moving through this journey of grief and learning to reframe my life without Melissa.

Blessings and courage to you, Carol Ann

[PopPop]

It's uncanny how appropriate your post is to where I'm at today. I to am three months into this process after losing my wife on June 23, 2010. I also thought I was making some pretty good progress, got through the shock and the fog was starting to lift. I thought I was starting to come to terms and acceptance with the reality/finality of Robin's sudden death and getting my head back into life. Then this moring as I'm driving to work a song came on the radio, a new release, not even a song that had any significance in our relationship, and it just flooded my mind with thoughts of Robin. I was overcome with emotion and before I knew what was happening I was the guy driving down the highway bawling his eyes out. I don't know if this will help you but if you need some reassurance about where you are in the process and the progress you're making I think we're both doing just fine. Take good care. PopPop

[kayc]

I will be thinking of you and praying for you Tuesday. Some people have used the anniversary time to do something special for their departed loved one, maybe you can think of something special to do for him? George and I had reservations to go to the coast to celebrate our anniversary so I had to call it off...I thought about going anyway but just couldn't bear being there without him...in the end I decided to stay home and try to ignore the day but everyone has handled it differently. Maybe different ones can share how they handled their anniversary after the death and maybe lend some ideas?

[Queeniemary]

I will be thinking of you, and praying for you on your anniversary. Mike died on Jan 13th, and our 20th anniversary was April 12. These firsts are so hard. BUT we do get through them, and are a little stronger from it. On Wednesday Mike will be gone 9 months, still just unbelievable to me. I am making progress, however, and although the sadness is always there, and there are sometimes sudden attacks of grief, the attacks are further apart, and even with the sadness, I am able to find things to enjoy in life. I have a wonderful group of friends who are so supportive, and my family is also, I am very fortunate to have them. I also have two close friends who have lost spouses in the last year and year and a half, we have formed a little support group of our own, and get together monthly for a movie, dinner, and talk. My turn next Sunday to host, we are having chili (getting cooler here in Arkansas). The three of us know that we each understand completely the loss we are all feeling, and are able to talk about those feeling where we might not with someone who is not on this journey. I am not happy they (or any of you) have to be on this road, but am grateful for the company.

Perkins808, you are making progress, two steps forward and one step back, is what I feel like I am doing, and even though the progress is slow, it is still progress. I look back on the past nine months now, and I can see progress, but during the process it seems like I am standing still. If that makes any sense.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[Lainey]

Perkins,

Today is 10 months that Lars has been gone and it has been very dull and dreary where I live . That doesn't help my mood at all, but am finding that the month anniversaries are getting easier. Yesterday, Thanksgiving Day was hard. It is my last "first", I kept remembering how terribly much pain he was in last year.

Anniversaries are a very personal thing, I didn't want anyone near me that day.I bought 2 helium balloons and once I got enough nerve, I sent them up to heaven. Then I sat on the patio swing and cried for 2 hours. I also wrote in my journal.

Hope you make it through your day tomorrow, I will be thinking about you.

Lainey