Advice

[ca4765]

Hi,

I need some advice. I am new here.

One year ago today, I lost my 18-year-old cat Tigger, to advanced renal failure. She had to be put to sleep during one of the worst times of my life. Two months before Tigger's passing, my spouse who had become addicted to pain killers and alcohol beat me up and went to jail. After that, I filed for divorce. The decision to that was difficult. Two weeks later, Tigger was diagnosed with advanced renal failure. I was not able to stay in my home at night, because my now ex and a friend of his, were stirring up trouble, I greatly feared what they would do. I spent the days with Tigger, and left her at night, I always prayed that she would live the night, and greet me in the morning. I felt then, and still feel tremendous guilt for leaving Tigger at night.

Today is the one year anniversary of Tigger's passing. I still miss her so much. My ex upon learning about my still being sad over Tigger's passing told mutual friends, I was not normal for still being sad over losing "just a cat", as he put it. My question to you all, am I wrong for still hurting over losing a cherished member of my family? How long is it appropriate to grieve for the loss of treasured fur friend?

Best,

Chris

[Karen8]

Chris,

You are very normal as you will see on this site. Everyone here is very supportive. I'll share my story with you...

Dinty, my cat, also had to be put to sleep because of chronic renal failure. He was about 15 years old and he was the love of my life!!! He was put to sleep on May 3, 2009. It has been over a year and just this week I heard a song on the radio that made me think of him and I started crying. I will always miss him. There is no time limit for grieving so please don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

My thoughts are with you.

Take care,

Karen

[MartyT]

Dear Chris,

I'm so sorry for your loss. What Karen says is true: There is no time limit on grief, and the pain you are feeling in the wake of Tigger's death has more to do with your relationship with her, the role she played in your life, and the level of attachment you shared than it does with how long it's been since she died. I encourage you to do a bit of reading about this different sort of grief, so you'll better understand and appreciate your own reactions and know how to manage them. See, for example,

Why Does Pet Loss Hurt So Much?

Am I Crazy to Feel So Sad about This?

Is Pet Loss Comparable to Loss of a Loved One?

[kayc]

I am so sorry for all you have been through. Yes you are "normal", grief is individual, everyone grieves differently and our timelines are all different. You have compounded grief because you are dealing both with the loss of your cat AND the stuff with your ex. Please don't concern yourself with what he tells people, in fact, my advice would be to not frequent the same places/friends and to ask your friends not to pass on information about him to you. He is violent and angry and not someone to care what he thinks.

If I lost my dog that I have, I don't think I'd ever get over it, we are so close, I can't imagine losing him. I had a cat I was really close to, Chappy, and I still miss him, but my dog has taken over the empty place left in my heart by his passing...you never stop missing those that you love and lose, but you do in time learn to live with that loss. My condolences and best to you.

Kay