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Why Can't The World Stand Still Just For A Little While?


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Today is the 4th month Tommy has been gone. This morning, I woke up talking to him telling him how much I missed him and once again, I questioned his senseless death. Was it really his choice or did someone drop the ball?

And even though I'd like to sit in my room and listen to his music or go through his stuff and remember the good times we shared, life goes on. I have to be at Duke University for an Ultrasound of my kidneys, Patrick has a dentist appointment, and Max has to get to the pediatrician because after the specialist saw the X-ray of his lungs, they wanna rule out TB.... MAX is only Eleven!!

I guess in a way it's good this day is filled with things to do. I gotta look at the positive, right? Or I'll get depressed then what good am I?

I feel like I'm pushing Tommy aside (once again) because other people need me. But, I'm not. Am I?

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Tend to the living and save his memories to get you through your night. I have no children by choice, you have to tend to them. I don't fear death. More afraid that I'll grow old alone and have health problems and can't support myself. There are worst things than dying. Mine took his own life but said he loved me enough to not want to ruin the rest of mine with his depression. We never would have dumped the other. We had passion for 33 years. He broke mentally for the last 8. I was there for him. He hoped I would start over and be happy again without him. Like how when he was my life? I have survived and I have never been depressed. I've known sadness and grief but can find moments to laugh and appreciate little things.Music? Yeah he had maybe 1500 classic rock collection. It's hard to hear a song from so many eras and not know where we were or doing or when..Tend to the living and life will go on. LindaKay

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I don't think it's pushing him aside to do what you need to do, he would want you to take care of the kids and yourself. They are never out of our hearts, it's more like we carry them with us as we're going through our day. Good luck and keep us posted about your son.

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Thank you to all who replied.

First, I feel the need to clarify who Max is. He is my grandson, one of Patrick and Heather's kids. They have Gene 18, Amber 17, Rowen 14, Max 11, Gaelen 9 and Erin 3. Theirs is a blended family as the 1st five kids are Heather's from a previous marriage. However, they are all my grand kids. I live with Pat and Heather... :)

Max had his TB Tine test today and will be read Saturday. I had Ultrasound and I have to go see Dr Tues to find out what it said. Saying some prayers until then.

Today was pretty good. Was in an upbeat mood most of the day. Had a run in with son, but cleared it up. I'm finding out he is acting normally with me (prior to Tommy's death) Things he'd say that I'd let roll off or just go back at him with, I'm taking way too personal. I need to do what I did before, which was to counter him with something just as clever as his statement(s)

I haven't had time to think about anything other than what's going on here. I figure I can later when everything is settled down.

When Tommy was alive, he sometimes had the feeling I was pushing him aside and I guess that's where I'm getting the guilty feelings. But, you guys are right. I have to live for those around me and for me. I'm sure now he'd understand and want me to be the best mom, mom in law and grand mom I can be.

That said, I'm gonna put on some Irish Rebellion CDs and have me andd celebrate Tommy's life.

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Cajie_Laurie,

You have it correct and in order, I can say from a husbands point of view I'd want you doing just what you are doing and be proud of it...we all must go on....some will find another love/partner/best friend/wife or husband and some will not, but what we must understand is they are gone from earth and Life as we know it here but they alive in another world we will also visit someday....so keep the positive energy and momentum forward, I'm sure you have a pretty happy angel watching over you....

NATS

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Thank you everyone for making me feel better. You guys know what to say to lift my spirits. I wish I could find the words to help you all through your time of grief.

Today was another busy day. Son and his wife are starting a new venture and saw two clients and I had to watch Erin. Not that I minded at all :) I really do enjoy my time with her.

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If your Tommy was anything like my Scott, looking after grandkids etc would be VERY important. I promised Scott, as he lay on life support, that I would be the best mom I could be to Kailyn. That has kept me going. I have no doubt Tommy would be proud of you. You are not pushing him aside - he is with you in your heart always (at least that is how I feel about Scott).

Korina

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