Alone

[abergsma]

Well yesterday I went to my Grandsons birthday party.

It started out okay but near the end I started feeling uncomfortable so I left, did a few errands then went home.

I started crying in the car realizing I was alone....lots of family and friends but my husband was not coming home. I was alone!

He passed 5 weeks ago but this hit me hard yesterday....I got into my pjs and cried a lot during the evening.

I stayed in my pjs today and did not do much. The feeling of aloneness was not as bad today but I needed to just hibernate.

It really did hit me hard on Saturday.

[Dar W]

I know how you are feeling, I lost my husband Paul in April of this year. I still feel the way you do. I didn't leave the house all weekend except to get some food. I was in my pj all weekend to. It's ok, I cry alot and leave party early or just don't go. this is a very hard time for you right now. do what you need to make it thought each day. I don't leave the house because it's just to hard to come home alone. you are the only one who know how you feel. do what you can to get thought each day.take care of your self

[kayc]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way...I still feel alone, even after all these years...mainly because I am. Every time I get close to someone, something happens, they die, move, etc. At least, thank God, we have each other here, I think I'd go stir-crazy without all of you!!! (((hugs)))

[Vickie O]

The aloneness is quite shattering at times. But being with others can also be difficult, even family & friends. I went to a get together a month ago at my cousins home, & they are 10 years older than me, & I felt like a fish out of water, everyone was paired up with husbands, my 72 year old Mom, my sister, my cousins with their good looking husbands. I listened to the talk about Grand Kids, family, retirement, .I tried so hard to be involved in the moment, but I just felt empty.

My cousin hostess offered me a drink & my other cousin poured a drink & we escaped to the patio & the sunset. A breath of fresh air, from admiring the decorating. Maybe Jeri saw the strain on my face. I talked briefly about Pat & felt the tears welling up.

Not a fun time, but at least I had the opportunity to say what was in my heart, & my cousin listened, & I was grateful.

[rain]

"I started crying in the car realizing I was alone....lots of family and friends but my husband was not coming home. I was alone!"

I like that phrase that Vicki O used; this loneliness is indeed 'shattering at times.' That strikes me as very descriptive and apt. The shock of it hits suddenly again and with great force, and we disintegrate. We are fortunate to have friends and family. And yet...

We have lost that piece of ourselves that kept us warmly tethered to the world. That is, in my new experience, the definition of loneliness. In that sense, we have everything, and nothing.

Peace to you, and us all. (( ))

[melina]

The loneliness is probably the worst part right now. I still envy others their healthy husbands and their normal lives. I long for those days when life was uncomplicated and when we just sat and talked about life's normal little things - what to have for dinner, where to go this weekend, how work was that day. We just moved into this old house a month before my husband died, and I find myself talking to him whenever I do anything here - empty a few boxes, paint the front door, put up the bird feeders. I ask him if that looks okay. No one else certainly cares.

I feel like I'm turning into one of those little old lady widows who talk to themselves all the time - and I'm only 52.

It's been 10 weeks now since I lost the love of my life and partner of nearly 30 years. The grief is not quite as intense as it was to begin with. I don't sob for hours a day. But apart from a few tears now and then, I feel sort of emotionally dead. I'm carrying around a huge hole in my heart - like part of me is empty. I would like to feel alive again, but so far I'm still just existing from day to day, trying to be there for my kids.

Melina

[wmjsca]

abergsma,

I understand how you feel. It hasn't even been a week yet and I realize I am all alone now. People try to be kind, but then they can go home to their partners and I'm still alone. I guess I'm still in shock for having my life destroyed so abruptly. I hope you're having a better day today.

[abergsma]

Thank you all for your kind words.

We are all in the same situation and yes it is one day at a time..I too feel almost dead emotionally yet I can still cry.

I took my husband off facebook yesterday but put him back on today. People still want to send messages and I do too, not ready to end his account.

Again thanks to all and hopefully you will have a peaceful night.

Allana

[Sal]

Hi,

I am new to this site as of last night. 56 years old and lost my husband two weeks ago. The grief comes in waves and it is almost like you can't breathe. I have two close friends who lost their husbands many years ago, they keep telling me it will get better and I will find a day that I wake up feeling some joy in life again. I know it is very recent but just can't imagine that I will ever find joy in anything again. Know what you mean about living in you pjs, seems like it is all I do. Sorry for your loss.

Sally

[abergsma]

Hi Sally

Sorry for your loss too. Keep watching and participating in this site it is a great help.

I am the first of any of my friends to lose a spouse. You are fortunate that you have friends that understand your grief even though it was years ago.

I have a challenge every morning getting going but do find if I do get my shower and get dressed right away it does help.

Just take one day at a time.

Take care

Allana

[wmjsca]

Hi,

I am new to this site as of last night. 56 years old and lost my husband two weeks ago. The grief comes in waves and it is almost like you can't breathe. I have two close friends who lost their husbands many years ago, they keep telling me it will get better and I will find a day that I wake up feeling some joy in life again. I know it is very recent but just can't imagine that I will ever find joy in anything again. Know what you mean about living in you pjs, seems like it is all I do. Sorry for your loss.

Sally

Welcome, Sally.

I am truly sorry for your loss, as I lost my fiance on 10/22 and had his funeral today. It was horrible. It was bad enough that he laid lifeless in that box, but I had to deal with angry ex girlfriends and adult children hogging the limelight or jockeying for position, or whatever the hell they were doing. All I know is that it was not the time or place for much of their behavior.

I met him six years ago; I was 46 and he had just turned 47. He was the light of my life. He was good to me and so many others. He had a kind heart and spirit and I cannot believe I'll never see him again or hear him call my name as no other could.

The grief is almost unbearable and if it weren't for my son, who my fiance came to accept and love, I think I would just crawl into a corner and stay there. Life doesn't seem worth living, food has no taste, music reminds me of us so I don't even want to listen....I'm not suicidal or anything, just hurt and the ache is deep. I can relate to you very well. Come to this place often. It has really helped me over the last few days.

[wmjsca]

Welcome, Sally.

I am truly sorry for your loss, as I lost my fiance on 10/22 and had his funeral today. It was horrible. It was bad enough that he laid lifeless in that box, but I had to deal with angry ex girlfriends and adult children hogging the limelight or jockeying for position, or whatever the hell they were doing. All I know is that it was not the time or place for much of their behavior.

I met him six years ago; I was 46 and he had just turned 47. He was the light of my life. He was good to me and so many others. He had a kind heart and spirit and I cannot believe I'll never see him again or hear him call my name as no other could.

The grief is almost unbearable and if it weren't for my son, who my fiance came to accept and love, I think I would just crawl into a corner and stay there. Life doesn't seem worth living, food has no taste, music reminds me of us so I don't even want to listen....I'm not suicidal or anything, just hurt and the ache is deep. I can relate to you very well. Come to this place often. It has really helped me over the last few days.

[kayc]

Sally,

Welcome to this site, it's a good place to be where you can voice yourself and know you are not alone in your grief. It's good that you have friends who've been there, that can be immense help. It takes a lot of time but somehow we manage to adjust and cope. For some they find joy again, for some, not really, but our experiences are different so I'm sure that makes a difference. Our attitude and focus makes a difference too. But you're right that it isn't the same again and we always miss them and continue to love them no matter where our lives go.

I'm so sorry for your loss, two weeks is very fresh.